Anonymous wrote:The parents should pay unless you are taking them out or they can’t afford it. If they can’t afford it you should split.

My mom is 93, she always pays.

Oh my goodness. Shame on you.

When we go with my parents they pay. When we go with in-laws we pay.

We usually pay for my parents or we split the bill with a sibling’s family. Sometimes they will pay for a birthday or special occasion. We rarely eat out with in-laws because there are so many siblings of different budgets that it causes resentment. If it’s just us, we usually pay, if it’s extended family, they will pay because they feel bad making the ones without extra money pay and the richer ones don’t want to subsidize the poorer ones. Some siblings have tried to pay for just the parents, but then the other siblings feel it’s a weird flex. One time, one group left before the bill came so we had to pay their portion. All around, it’s awkward so we rarely go out anymore.

They pay for everything, always, but they are rich as cream and I’m pretty comfortable with it. It’s not like I *couldn’t* pay but it’s not important to us as a family and they have a lot more money.

Anonymous wrote:I try to pay and my father looked at me and said “you will not pay while I am still above ground”. He’s just old school that way, so I gave up trying. He’s nearly 90 and I’m in my mid-50s and making good money, and he still tries to slip me cash from time to time.

That is so sweet. Give your dad a big hug.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either my parents pay or we split, unless we are specifically taking them out for a birthday/special occasion.

We don’t eat out with my ILs. It’s more stress than it’s worth for multiple reasons. Sometimes we will order in pizza. They never offer a dime. They have way more money then we do. It’s obnoxious to host them for weeks on end and have to provide everything.

What happens when you visit them?

DP in same situation - they would phone in a carry out order and have DH go pick it up and pay.

Anonymous wrote:Either my parents pay or we split, unless we are specifically taking them out for a birthday/special occasion.

We don’t eat out with my ILs. It’s more stress than it’s worth for multiple reasons. Sometimes we will order in pizza. They never offer a dime. They have way more money then we do. It’s obnoxious to host them for weeks on end and have to provide everything.

What happens when you visit them?

Anonymous wrote:Whoever manages to pull their card out first to hand to waiter. It's a race.

same

Either my parents pay or we split, unless we are specifically taking them out for a birthday/special occasion.

We don’t eat out with my ILs. It’s more stress than it’s worth for multiple reasons. Sometimes we will order in pizza. They never offer a dime. They have way more money then we do. It’s obnoxious to host them for weeks on end and have to provide everything.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The parents should pay unless you are taking them out or they can’t afford it. If they can’t afford it you should split.

My mom is 93, she always pays.

Still mooching off your mom?

DP, but some people greatly resist the change in status from being the primary career to being cared for. It’s a big blow to their self image. My mother is this way. If I go pick up something from the store, she insists on giving me cash for it. I have this magic list of made up prices that I tell her (“oh, I don’t know, I got a prime deal and used points -$5?”).

+1 My in-laws were this way. They grew up very poor so it was part of how they saw themselves having escaped into the middle class.

On the other hand, my mother saw us paying as the return that she was owed on having birthed me.

Anonymous wrote:The parents should pay unless you are taking them out or they can’t afford it. If they can’t afford it you should split.

My mom is 93, she always pays.

Lot of rules from an adult who has never paid for a meal out with mom for an entire lifetime.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The parents should pay unless you are taking them out or they can’t afford it. If they can’t afford it you should split.

My mom is 93, she always pays.

Still mooching off your mom?

DP, but some people greatly resist the change in status from being the primary career to being cared for. It’s a big blow to their self image. My mother is this way. If I go pick up something from the store, she insists on giving me cash for it. I have this magic list of made up prices that I tell her (“oh, I don’t know, I got a prime deal and used points -$5?”).

It would depend. My parents would pay as a general rule (their choice), unless I was specifically taking them out for their birthday or other occasion. There are 7 kids in our family, though, so if there was a big group of us going out then usually everyone would pay for their own family and one of us would try to grab mom and dad's check (although it didn't always work).

Anonymous wrote:The parents should pay unless you are taking them out or they can’t afford it. If they can’t afford it you should split.

My mom is 93, she always pays.

Still mooching off your mom?

I try to pay and my father looked at me and said “you will not pay while I am still above ground”. He’s just old school that way, so I gave up trying. He’s nearly 90 and I’m in my mid-50s and making good money, and he still tries to slip me cash from time to time.