Anonymous wrote:I don’t hate our dog, but I don’t feel any great affection for her. She’s a very easy puppy who we’ve had about 3 months. I WFH so am with her during the day. I am also the only one training her. She has bonded with me. DH pushed for the dog but is not participating in training. But that is another issue.

At any rate she is not more work than I expected and generally she is very low maintenance, especially for a puppy, she is endlessly patient with our little kids, learns quickly, easy to please and wants to please. She’s a great dog. But I’m not finding any of it rewarding. I give her affection and attention because she needs and deserves it, but because I want to. I would prefer we not have a dog. But we do. So I’m behaving accordingly.

I try not to think about having her for 10-12 years. I do hope that eventually I care more about her.

It’s impossible to spend years living with and caring for someone who loves you and not grow attached. You will feel stronger feelings for her one day.

I don’t hate our dog, but I don’t feel any great affection for her. She’s a very easy puppy who we’ve had about 3 months. I WFH so am with her during the day. I am also the only one training her. She has bonded with me. DH pushed for the dog but is not participating in training. But that is another issue.

At any rate she is not more work than I expected and generally she is very low maintenance, especially for a puppy, she is endlessly patient with our little kids, learns quickly, easy to please and wants to please. She’s a great dog. But I’m not finding any of it rewarding. I give her affection and attention because she needs and deserves it, but because I want to. I would prefer we not have a dog. But we do. So I’m behaving accordingly.

I try not to think about having her for 10-12 years. I do hope that eventually I care more about her.

Can you hand over more of your responsibilities, OP? My husband is lukewarm at best about having pets but I absolutely love dogs. (They bring me pure joy!) So he goes along with it and even contributes to the care when needed but basically I am the primary parent--which is how I like it anyway. He doesn't have any of the mental load and not much of the care taking either. It works better for all of us this way.

OP it took me a while to bond with our dog. The work was more than I'd expected and then I was seriously ill for about 6 months - so I was very tired and felt somewhat resentful of it all.

But I got better and so did the dog. I don't think I'll replace him when he's eventually gone (he will be 5 this year and has a life expectancy of 10-12 yrs) but I know I will be devastated when he does go.

Anonymous wrote:No advice but thank you for posting honestly. We were thinking of pet but on the fence due to the amount of time, work, and clean up. I only hear from per owners how much they love their dogs so am glad to hear both sides to even the scales.

It's a nuanced spectrum, like all caregiving is. We are very fond of our dog, but he's high maintenance. When he has diarrhea, and he tends to have a sensitive stomach, it's a lot of gross clean-up. He's generally obedient but as a sled dog, is built to pull, and we've tried so many way to stop him from pulling our arms off or making us fall (which on the ice can be dangerous). But daily: he's a show-stoppingly beautiful, lovable, friendly dog. He's happy to see everyone, and will come for cuddles and literally pose in front of you so that you can't resist.

Anonymous wrote:I’m thinking of rehoming my dog for the same reason. She a great dog but just not the dog for me. Fortunately she is healthy and well trained so I know she will find a new and better home. She was my husbands dog who died during Covid.

What kind of dog? I would be interested! Also, sorry for your loss- how heartbreaking.

If you got her a year ago and are expecting another 12+ years of ownership, I'm guessing you maybe got a puppy? They're a TON of work and, depending on the breed, a ton of work for 2+ years. I don't fault you for your feelings at all and they are valid, particularly with young kids.

They do get easier though. Tremendously. I'm not going to tell you what to do "re-home!" but the above info would help. I do agree with the PPs who said if everyone else loves the dog, let them partake in her care.

No advice but thank you for posting honestly. We were thinking of pet but on the fence due to the amount of time, work, and clean up. I only hear from per owners how much they love their dogs so am glad to hear both sides to even the scales.

Nobody sucks for not loving a dog. You could consider that perhaps you're putting too much pressure on having a 'perfect' dog. I really stressed about my dog jumping on visitors. Then I decided that I'd just put her away when we have visitors and it relieved that stress. But, if you feel like all aspects of dog ownership are too much for you, just rehome the dog. Others will take care of her/him. It's fine. We're not all good at all things!

My dog will be my first and my last. I love her to pieces, but I hate having a pet. She is older and I am committed to giving her the best last years of her life.

Sort of a similar boat. I love cats, dh loves dogs. I got a cat before we got married (and I made sure she is good with dogs) and then he got a dog. I don't really care about the dog that much. Obviously I care for her when dh travels for work and I'm nice to her but she's not my "baby" the way the cat is. (We don't have dc yet but want them, so don't come for me about how pets aren't babies...we know.) I go on walks with her and dh but it's really for my own selfish need to be outside and get exercise lol.

To be fair I think dh is the same with the cat. He plays with her and is nice to her and takes care of her when I'm on work trips but he sees her as mine.

Anonymous wrote:You all suck. OP rehome your dog if you’re going to feel like this for the rest of its life.

First of all, people can't help the way they feel. I'm the one who posted about being in the same boat. I give a ton of attention, love, and hugs to my dog all the time. I work from home- I train her, I give her treats, I take her to vet appointments. She would never know I hate it. I can't help that I wish I hadn't made the decision to get her- all I can control is what I do now. And I do. I took on the responsibility, so I grit my teeth and do all the things, hoping it will get better. How exactly do I suck- please elaborate?

Do you have anything you do with the dog that you always find pleasurable? Even if it's not a big thing. With pets, sometimes all it takes is this one thing they do that is comforting and pleasant for you, and it can make all the other stuff worth it.

I have a cat right now who is a huge piece of work. He's such a dick to people including sometimes (but not always) us, plus he just gets more demanding as he gets older. However, he sleeps with me at night and likes to snuggle, which my DH doesn't (he just runs really hot at night and doesn't like to be in contact with anyone). The cat is also very nice to our DD despite the fact that he's a dick generally, and watching him be deferential to me always makes me feel affectionate to him because I perceive it as him understanding that he can't be a jerk to a child, or that he understand she is of particular importance to us. Whether this is true or not is not relevant. Same with the nighttime snuggles -- he's probably just cold or doing it instinctually. But it comforts me and gives me warm feelings towards him.

These are the things that sustain me when a cat sitter quits on us because our cat attempted to maul her leg, or when he wakes me at 3am to request 3rd dinner, or when he destroys the couch, or chews up a stack of paperwork I can't replace, or any of the million things he does that drive me nuts. I just have these regular moments of affection that make me forgive him. It's love! I don't know what else to tell you. You've got to find some way to fall in love with your dog, even just a little. Otherwise, yes, pets can suck!

Anonymous wrote:
Agreeing totally. I hate having a dog - so needy; but the three children adore him, and to his credit - he very sweet and has never ever tried to harm any of the children; even when they do all the crazy things kids want to do with a dog. But, I'm his person; I do all the work grudgingly. It would help if we had a fenced in yard, but then I'd worry about him digging up holes all over the place.

What helps me is to plug in my ear buds and take him out. The ear buds are so I can be in my own world, and he in his.

Can you put in a fence with an invisible fence a foot or two in, so the dog won't want to hang out digging?

I am kind of noted for my thrift, but it's because I want to save money for things that will reduce life's annoyances. Not trying to spend your money, but I would try to buy my way out of the disadvantages of pet ownership

You should reassign the work for her to someone in the family that does want to have a dog.
Also maybe go on vacation for a week. If you are gone and someone else does the dog’s foods, walks, care, the dog may realign its bonds.