Anonymous wrote:OP I am going through something a lot like this, down to taking the “high road” wishing her well and all that, and then being enraged by the mixed signals she was giving me like pushing me away but still seeking me out for emotional support. We are both women.
I had to stop contact because of the same reason as you. I could not and still cannot contact her and keep my senses. I felt that same “drawn and quartered” feeling.
If and when I feel that I can contact her and be really truly ok no matter what she says, no matter what is going on in her life, whether she is in a relationship with someone else or not, that is when I will reach out. It has been a few months, but I know that day is not here today, and it won’t be tomorrow or probably for a long time, and I had better focus on other things and keep moving forward. That would be my advice to you.

Anonymous wrote:Did you live together?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex and I divorced 2004. Two contacts since, when our daughter married, and a 2011 phone call regarding an old medical bill which I paid. When it's over, it's over.

I have never felt this way about a breakup before. Part of it is that there was no final goodbye bc of what I did. I know he was trying to initiate a polite exchange of gratitude as a parting but I was not up to it. We never fought. All my other breakups were like shooting a horse to put it out if its misery. This is like having general anesthesia withdrawn in the middle of active surgery.

Infidelity I assume.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex and I divorced 2004. Two contacts since, when our daughter married, and a 2011 phone call regarding an old medical bill which I paid. When it's over, it's over.

I have never felt this way about a breakup before. Part of it is that there was no final goodbye bc of what I did. I know he was trying to initiate a polite exchange of gratitude as a parting but I was not up to it. We never fought. All my other breakups were like shooting a horse to put it out if its misery. This is like having general anesthesia withdrawn in the middle of active surgery.

Anonymous wrote:My ex and I divorced 2004. Two contacts since, when our daughter married, and a 2011 phone call regarding an old medical bill which I paid. When it's over, it's over.

Anonymous wrote:My ex and I divorced 2004. Two contacts since, when our daughter married, and a 2011 phone call regarding an old medical bill which I paid. When it's over, it's over.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who broke it off?

Let’s say him. He started the process, which devastated me, but I took the high road and empathized and wished him well. He replied with how strongly he feels about me and how hard it is, that he is trying to live with less conflict but so often fails; I felt enraged at the mixed signals (pushing me away but leaving a toe in the door) but instead of telling him this I ghosted him. I didn’t intend to ghost him. I could not find the composure and clarity to reply and emotionally I felt like I was being drawn and quartered, pulled in opposite directions. It was months ago now and there has been no contact. I don’t want to change his mind. I just feel like there is much to talk about, that only he would understand, but I’m aware that he is no longer that person for me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it ended after 13 years, regardless of reason, just let him go. Move on and stop wondering if he’ll reach out. Focus on yourself and finding happiness within. You don’t need him.

I am in so much pain. I am still crying and it’s five months later.

PP and I’ve been there. Took me 2 years to feel like my normal self after ending a long-term relationship. “When you’re going through hell, keep going!” Seek therapy with a professional and the counsel of trusted loved ones, go outside and take a walk, do things you love even if you don’t feel like it, give yourself some grace and know what you’re feeling is normal and also temporary. You’re stronger than you think. Hugs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it ended after 13 years, regardless of reason, just let him go. Move on and stop wondering if he’ll reach out. Focus on yourself and finding happiness within. You don’t need him.

I am in so much pain. I am still crying and it’s five months later.

Anonymous wrote:If he wanted you in his life, he would figure out how to make that happen. Men know how to use the phone. If he reaches out, you can respond but do not contact him.

Anonymous wrote:Thanks people. We have been together for 13 years. I don’t know how to do this alone.