OP, have you asked the executor for an accounting of the estate? Does the state where the will is being probated require the executor to provide an accounting to the beneficiaries?

It’s possible that if she can’t or won’t provide an accounting that she can be removed as executor and the other siblings can step in and finish up the probate process. It’s hard to imagine that the probate court would see this amount of time as acceptable to close out a relatively small estate.

Anonymous wrote:I would tell her to transfer $40k of stocks from the estate to your account.

+ interest!

Have her removed as executor and take control. Surprised your lawyer hasn’t done that.

A similar problem and answer here:
https://www.marketwatch.com/story/my-brother-in-law-is-executor-of-my-late-fathers-9-million-estate-and-refuses-to-give-us-a-full-accounting-what-can-we-do-11641953331?siteid=yhoof2

Very commonly the will allows the executor to pay themselves for their time and also not to give any accounting and I am guessing this is what your sister did.

If the executor requests money for the estate then OPs husband is first in line. The 40k payment is an estate debt that gets settled before the heirs get paid. OP’s lawyer should file a lien on the estate.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Definitely not dementia BC executor was in her 40s when mother died. She is a bit narcissist though and has hoarding tendencies, which is why we all sighed when we found out she was executor.

This is the red flag that should have warned you all to stop her from the beginning. Your husband is a fool to have given her $40k. Is the house able to be put on the market? The other siblings need to have her removed and force the sale of the house. The problem is that you still won't be made whole. If the house is worth $100k and the estate is split between the siblings and SIL stole your money, not the estate, your DH is likely only entitled to his portion of the sale proceeds. You would probably have to sue the sister to get her portion.

Anonymous wrote:My mom is far from stable but according to my mom, her sister was executor of my grandmother’s estate and kept asking my mom for small amounts of money ($1000 here and there for estate-related expenses). When my mom found out her sister diverted the money she provided for Grandma’s headstone, and Grandma was essentially laying in an unmarked grave, they became estranged. I think my mom is telling the truth about most of this and I don’t think what you’re describing is terribly uncommon. I’m sorry that your family is going through this and you are not alone.

+1

Some people are a special kind of selfish, OP.

Death brings out the greed in people. I have seen this so many times.

OP you and your ther sibling nags need to get your lawyer to file to remove her as executor. If it’s been six years and she still can not provide any accounting of the estate assets to the beneficiary it will be a quick court ruling. You or your other need to accept being the executor. You will probably find that she has depleted the liquid assets. You’ll need to sell the house.

If she is a hoarder and lives locally she may have started hoarding in the condo or house.

Anonymous wrote:She probably took all the money.

This. The money is probably gone.

This sucks, but I have to ask why you did not just let the place get foreclosed?

Anonymous wrote:Mother in law died 6 years ago. Her daughter, my SIL was sole executor. The estate was messy BC late MIL was sloppy with paperwork. A year after MIL death, estate was no where to being settled and MIL house was getting into foreclosure. We got a panicked call from SIL executor asking us to lend the estate 40k to get the bank off the back. I was very hesitant but my husband (brother of executor) said he trusted his sister. We lent the estate 40k by paying off the note. ...... 40k is a lot to me on a teacher salary.

40k is alot no matter what your income level. What if MIL house was on TOD transfer at death to the SIL? What if the house was left to SIL? But since the SIL is executor I guess there was a will. If no will the court can appoint some one or an individual can petition the court to function as a personal rep or executor.

It appears the only facts known to OP is the MIL died 6 years ago and SIL asked for 40K when SIL controlled stock accounts and might or might not have been getting 100% of the house. Look that thing up on county or city real estate to even see who owns it.

My mom is far from stable but according to my mom, her sister was executor of my grandmother’s estate and kept asking my mom for small amounts of money ($1000 here and there for estate-related expenses). When my mom found out her sister diverted the money she provided for Grandma’s headstone, and Grandma was essentially laying in an unmarked grave, they became estranged. I think my mom is telling the truth about most of this and I don’t think what you’re describing is terribly uncommon. I’m sorry that your family is going through this and you are not alone.

She probably took all the money.