I have been on DCUM for a long time - your post came up on Recent Topics where I saw it. I don’t frequent the Expectant and Postpartum forum since my kids are teens. DCUM has always had a level of rudeness but there was so much helpful information by really smart people, you could overlook it. It has gotten much more vicious in the past several years. I think this is the same thing that happened in our country as a whole because of the tone in politics and then the anxiety over the pandemic. I think I need to try to break my addiction because of the harsh tone but I know I would miss good nuggets of information.

I've been on this form since about 2005. I like it because people are generally intelligent (complete sentences, etc.), knowledgeable, and sometimes funny.

There's always one poster (or several) who responds immediately and jumps on OPs (especially around this time of year) with unnecessary rudeness and snark. They're taking their own misery out on DCUM to make themselves feel better. I just ignore the trolls.

Anonymous wrote:New here - I usually use Reddit for general anonymous forums, Fishbowl and/or Blind for work related forums. Decided to venture over to DCUM to preview forums for new moms. Is the running culture here polite/friendly/open-minded or something else? Has the culture shifted recently due to COVID19 aggravation? Just wondering because people in anonymous forums are usually friendlier, more respectful. Just trying to understand what makes this forum different. Thanks.

If you’re used to Reddit, then there should be no need to clutch any pearls over anything on DCUM.

The thing that (I think) skews the DCUM conversation is that there’s no moderation of boards in terms of their target audience. So you get lady with teenagers telling new/expectant moms to take a deep breath so their kids get j to TJ, you have the same couple of posters hyperventilating every time someone prefers a vaginal birth, there’s the vehement anti-night-nurse crowd, someone who thinks mothers who adopted their children aren’t allowed help after they arrive, but these are all “single issue” posters who aren’t actually expectant or postpartum moms. There’s also a lot of actual expectant and postpartum moms who post useful and timely information, you just have to sift for it.

Hi, OP.

You probably might want to check out the FAQ for the site here: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/faq.html

It's in the short list of useful links on the upper left area of every forum pages. The FAQ has expectations for posting and some discussion of norms, such as avoiding cross-posting the same new thread in different subforums.

Anonymous wrote:If you are looking for a more supportive community, reddit works fine for new moms too. But, it is best to get in with your "bumper group" when you are pregnant, ie people due in the same month as you. But in general, reddit is more supportive, and mostly pretty factual. the up/down vote system helps filter out low qulaity garbage.

I obviously still like DCUM, though, just a very different vibe.

Which subreddits cover parenting older kids, relationships, etc similar to DCUM? I tried /parenting and /relationships but it looked like people were much younger there.

Here is what I found: the Trying to Conceive and Expectant and Postpartum Moms forums are generally helpful so I try to avoid other forums. I especially appreciated the TTC forum where posters were respectful and helped me conceive.

I’ve gotten some great advice on the Expectant Moms forum but have also had posters be extremely rude and judgmental, which is hard as a first time mom. (I’m the poster who asked about tips for breastfeeding with a night nanny and it turned into a bunch of posters who never used a night nanny telling me how horrible I am for using one).

Take everything with a grain of salt. If you post a topic and get flamed, don’t take it personally. People here love judging moms and each other.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's Jeff's forum, he can delete threads. OP how long ago did you move here?

Who is Jeff? I've actually been here since 2011 but kept to myself for most of the time as I've been busy with school, stayed around family members and live a very low key life. When my kids were small, I might see and/or chat with a mom or two on the playground every other day but that's about it. Maybe the forum convos attract a self-selecting group

OP here is a WaPo interview with Jeff. https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/the-moms-of-washington-need-this-man/2015/06/26/83cbe092-0eed-11e5-9726-49d6fa26a8c6_story.html

Thanks.

Anonymous wrote:If you are looking for a more supportive community, reddit works fine for new moms too. But, it is best to get in with your "bumper group" when you are pregnant, ie people due in the same month as you. But in general, reddit is more supportive, and mostly pretty factual. the up/down vote system helps filter out low qulaity garbage.

I obviously still like DCUM, though, just a very different vibe.

This is helpful, thanks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's Jeff's forum, he can delete threads. OP how long ago did you move here?

Who is Jeff? I've actually been here since 2011 but kept to myself for most of the time as I've been busy with school, stayed around family members and live a very low key life. When my kids were small, I might see and/or chat with a mom or two on the playground every other day but that's about it. Maybe the forum convos attract a self-selecting group

OP here is a WaPo interview with Jeff. https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/the-moms-of-washington-need-this-man/2015/06/26/83cbe092-0eed-11e5-9726-49d6fa26a8c6_story.html

If you are looking for a more supportive community, reddit works fine for new moms too. But, it is best to get in with your "bumper group" when you are pregnant, ie people due in the same month as you. But in general, reddit is more supportive, and mostly pretty factual. the up/down vote system helps filter out low qulaity garbage.

I obviously still like DCUM, though, just a very different vibe.

Anonymous wrote:This is a mean website where people respond harshly to just about everything. But you will also get a lot of excellent and helpful information about the area.

Got it. Like a mix of the Ebenezer Scrooge, Oscar the Grouch and Steve from Blue's Clues.

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Anonymous wrote:Welcome to DC

Welcome to DC, I suppose...originally from California so this is interesting to see the pulse here.

Also, not sure who deleted the thread, didn't know that was possible.

It's Jeff's forum, he can delete threads. OP how long ago did you move here?

Who is Jeff? I've actually been here since 2011 but kept to myself for most of the time as I've been busy with school, stayed around family members and live a very low key life. When my kids were small, I might see and/or chat with a mom or two on the playground every other day but that's about it. Maybe the forum convos attract a self-selecting group

Do you know “Jeff” or simply by name from this site?

I don't know Jeff, PP mentioned Jeff which is why I asked

Jeff Steele owns and runs this website.

This is a mean website where people respond harshly to just about everything. But you will also get a lot of excellent and helpful information about the area.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Welcome to DC

Welcome to DC, I suppose...originally from California so this is interesting to see the pulse here.

Also, not sure who deleted the thread, didn't know that was possible.

It's Jeff's forum, he can delete threads. OP how long ago did you move here?

Who is Jeff? I've actually been here since 2011 but kept to myself for most of the time as I've been busy with school, stayed around family members and live a very low key life. When my kids were small, I might see and/or chat with a mom or two on the playground every other day but that's about it. Maybe the forum convos attract a self-selecting group

Do you know “Jeff” or simply by name from this site?

I don't know Jeff, PP mentioned Jeff which is why I asked