Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is between your DH and his dad so I'd butt out if I were you.

Op here - if DH had to take much time from a busy job and raising our kids (currently young) to manage the estate from CA, let alone traveling to upstate New York frequently, then it certainly would affect me. Not that he won’t or shouldn’t do it, but I’ve asked him to think more about it and what it would entail.

Anonymous wrote:Is the Father in VA?

Virginia has some unique laws where the executor needs to be a Virginia resident. Other states might have similar requirements.

Fwiw my parents named me executor because they don't trust my brother. I don't want to do it because my brother is an ahole and will likely sue me / their estate. Apparently there isn't anyone else to do it.

This is simply no longer the case.
I work as a paralegal in an estate planning firm in VA.

Anonymous wrote:I have never heard of an executor that’s not a child except for the very wealthy or someone who didn’t have children.

My FIL named his brother as executor rather than either daughter.

It takes about a year for everything to be handled. You can pay a lawyer. The Executor can just hire a lawyer to do the paperwork, essentially. Siblings just have to be told -- it will take 1 year, and it costs money out of their inheritance.

Complaining brings people together. Just don't answer your phone and don't visit for a year.

Va and Ohio have residency requirements of some sort for executers. As a PSA, do not have all siblings or any other group be listed as co-executers on anything but a super simple estate. We found all kinds of stuff that needed signatures and fedexing those documents around the country would have been a nightmare. It was easier to have all the out of state sibs sign over their rights. Oh and the resentment can be real when one sib is in charge.