Watching old episodes of Supernanny helped me.

Stop listening to any kind of Janet Lansbury/attachment parenting/Ellen Satler stuff.

You have to be extremely direct and firm and consistent.

I feel like all the attachment/crunchy granola/validate your kids emotions/empathize with them/bodily autonomy stuff did me a great disservice when it came to learning to parent.

I LOVE Jo Frost (Supernanny). She’s amazing and shows you how it’s done.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol, your kids aren’t scared of you. In my Asian family, we just need to glare at a child and they’ll fall in line.

This is my dream! How do you make that happen?

We are Arabs and it's the same. It just takes the right look. I can't really explain it but my sister is practicing white people type parenting and I noticed she talks to her kid in a tone that implies they are equal. I don't do that and use a gentle but very firm tone and glare when disciplining.

Do we really have to go there?

There are generations of white parents who have used "the look" on their kids. This isn't new or unique.

Please, you know what the PP was referring to. Immigrant families are fine with being strict and we aren’t soft on our kids. Doesn’t mean we engage in violence or anything crazy. Remember Tiger Mom?

I’m so sorry you are struggling with this. For the 2 year old, it’s got a lot to do with structure and anticipating what might cause a meltdown and redirecting or preventing, when possible. You might want to get some paper and literally write down every time you feel like you are going to yell and what time of day it is and why. Then after a couple of days, look for patterns. Are the kids refusing to clean up when asked? Then warn them that you will collect whatever toys are left out and put them in a bag in the trunk of your car for a week, or wherever. This is if the kids are old enough to understand and capable of cleaning up. I’m supposing that you have shown them what to do.

Think about whoever it is that triggers your yelling and see if there is logical consequence and follow through.

At the same time, tell them what you do want them to do and praise them for it, if they do. Cue them ahead of time. Say, “I am going to cook dinner now. I want you to stay in your own rooms and play. Do not leave your room until I come back, except for the bathroom.

A lot of yelling is because you don’t want to walk over and physically get the child to comply, but if they find that you will go get them and get their pajamas and stand there while they put them on and then walk them to the sink for teeth brushing, they will you mean what you say.

Consistency and calm. Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol, your kids aren’t scared of you. In my Asian family, we just need to glare at a child and they’ll fall in line.

This is my dream! How do you make that happen?

Really?
I'm going to guess because the kids don't want another round of lovely corporal punishment.

Yep this.

Anonymous wrote:NP, but I identify a lot with this thread.
For the “drop the ball” people…how do you do that without impacting your kids? If I don’t prep food or do laundry or bathe the kids, or other important “balls”…they don’t get done. DH just doesn’t care anymore. Kids are 5 and 18mo. I can’t exactly let them starve or be filthy dirty all the time.

I think they mean don't yell at your kids for yelling, climbing, whining etc. Not drop the ball as in stop doing stuff for them.

I'm not a yeller. I also don't care if my kids climb all over the furniture, wrestle each other, walk around with food. You have to pick your battles.

NP, but I identify a lot with this thread.
For the “drop the ball” people…how do you do that without impacting your kids? If I don’t prep food or do laundry or bathe the kids, or other important “balls”…they don’t get done. DH just doesn’t care anymore. Kids are 5 and 18mo. I can’t exactly let them starve or be filthy dirty all the time.

Celebrate Calm changed our LIFE.

Thank you whoever on here suggested it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol, your kids aren’t scared of you. In my Asian family, we just need to glare at a child and they’ll fall in line.

This is my dream! How do you make that happen?

Really?
I'm going to guess because the kids don't want another round of lovely corporal punishment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol, your kids aren’t scared of you. In my Asian family, we just need to glare at a child and they’ll fall in line.

This is my dream! How do you make that happen?

We are Arabs and it's the same. It just takes the right look. I can't really explain it but my sister is practicing white people type parenting and I noticed she talks to her kid in a tone that implies they are equal. I don't do that and use a gentle but very firm tone and glare when disciplining.

Do we really have to go there?

There are generations of white parents who have used "the look" on their kids. This isn't new or unique.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol, your kids aren’t scared of you. In my Asian family, we just need to glare at a child and they’ll fall in line.

This is my dream! How do you make that happen?

We are Arabs and it's the same. It just takes the right look. I can't really explain it but my sister is practicing white people type parenting and I noticed she talks to her kid in a tone that implies they are equal. I don't do that and use a gentle but very firm tone and glare when disciplining.

Anonymous wrote:No advice but I can relate. I have 4 and 6 year old kids and my husband works very long hours. Didn’t take off ANY time for Christmas so I’ve been home alone with them for 2 weeks (they were home sick before break) and am losing my mind. I love them so much but am also getting very burnt out and very short.

Omg my kids are about the same ages and have also been home well before the break and we had to cancel our travel plans. They normally play ok together but they have been so nasty to each other / it’s just too much time with out friends and with each other. Ahhh

Anonymous wrote:Lol, your kids aren’t scared of you. In my Asian family, we just need to glare at a child and they’ll fall in line.

This is my dream! How do you make that happen?

I whisper when I want to yell.

Sounds dumb but the kids (under 5yo) have to quiet down to hear what I'm saying. Or something they think it's funny and laugh which breaks the tension.

I had to do lots of anti-anxiety exercises. My child was soooo hard, like suicidal stuff from age six, and her therapist told me that the most valuable thing I could do was to learn to be calm. It was one of the hardest things I ever did but I did it and now being calm in the midst of chaos feels like second nature to me.

Take your kids for a hike. Nature therapy for all!