Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pretty much nothing prepared me. I also don't find having kids to be hard. It's the external factors that make it excruciating- $$$ daycare, covid closures, school hours that don't match work hours AT ALL, and all the million breaks that mean I need to line up camps or use annual leave. I'm convinced schools are against working parents.

Having loving married parents and loving families helped a lot. DH and I both had great childhoods. They say you raise your family the same way you were raised.

Of course it isn't hard when someone else is taking care of your kids all of the time.

I’m sure you think you’re being clever, but you just sound dumb

Having excellent parents was the best preparation, which is intimidating because that means my parenting will serve as a “how to” manual for my kids.

Remembering my own childhood helped a lot. But then, I wasn't 35 or 40 when I had my first kid either so remembering my childhood wasn't so difficult.

My own failures. I don't mean anything real extreme, just coming up short, lacking some abilities. I had a lot of confidence re: guiding my children because I had a wide view of success.

I'm glad that my husband and I addressed our communication issues before having a kid. If we had gone through that first year including hospital stays and a sick baby with our old coping skills...that would've been a disaster. Instead we turned toward each other and gave each other grace and while that didn't make things easier, we were rarely angry or resentful at each other. We were a team.

Anonymous wrote:Pretty much nothing prepared me. I also don't find having kids to be hard. It's the external factors that make it excruciating- $$$ daycare, covid closures, school hours that don't match work hours AT ALL, and all the million breaks that mean I need to line up camps or use annual leave. I'm convinced schools are against working parents.

Having loving married parents and loving families helped a lot. DH and I both had great childhoods. They say you raise your family the same way you were raised.

Of course it isn't hard when someone else is taking care of your kids all of the time.

Anonymous wrote:I was a nanny and preschool teacher before having my own children. I got a masters in Early Childhood Development but, oddly, my undergrad sociology degree is infinitely more useful in dealing with toddlers.

I would also say that learning to trust my instincts before having children made it easier to trust my gut after having kids. Maturity (not necessarily age) matters.

Interesting (sociology) and trust (trust your instincts).

Anonymous wrote:Pretty much nothing prepared me. I also don't find having kids to be hard. It's the external factors that make it excruciating- $$$ daycare, covid closures, school hours that don't match work hours AT ALL, and all the million breaks that mean I need to line up camps or use annual leave. I'm convinced schools are against working parents.

Having loving married parents and loving families helped a lot. DH and I both had great childhoods. They say you raise your family the same way you were raised.

I'm sure this helps a ton but I had a terrible childhood and am a great parent, and am raising my own kid very different to the way I was raised. But it takes a lot of work to do this. And you have to start the work well before you have kids. A lot of people go through life never really questioning whether their parents did the right thing. If you had abusive and/or emotionally immature parents, you HAVE to recognize that your parents made huge mistakes and find new role models and train yourself to respond differently. It took me years to get to that point and only then did I have a kid. I'm so glad that I waited a long time and did the hard work. Kids will push you to your limit and if you haven't found a way to reprogram your stress response to be different than that of an abusive parent, you absolutely will fall back on their behavior.

I think people with loving, calm, emotionally mature parents have a huge leg up in terms of becoming parents. On the other hand, this is a remarkably small group of people in the world. Most people have some form of childhood trauma, sadly.

Anonymous wrote:Curiosity and self reflection. I have always been introspective and knew going in that I wanted to do things very differently than my own upbringing. This, combined with my own enjoyment of reading and learning new things, gave me a lot of confidence in how I’d approach parenting. It’s still super hard to be a mom but I am not frequently surprised.

Great answer. Of course you can't prepare to physically care for an infant 24/7, but parenting in the long haul is about way more than the physical labor of the first few years, about much more than sleepless nights (which don't last forever) or toddler tantrums or whatever. It's a calling. Being curious and self aware are probably two of the most important traits for parents, and having them going in will help immensely. It helps me not take things to personally, keeps me in a problem-solving mindset instead of wallowing in how hard it is today, and recognizing that there is no perfect parenting approach and you will always have to shift and tailor your approach to your kid based on their age and their specific needs.

It's funny to me that people are like "well I didn't babysit much so I wasn't that prepared." As though babysitting prepares you! It's night and day.

Pretty much nothing prepared me. I also don't find having kids to be hard. It's the external factors that make it excruciating- $$$ daycare, covid closures, school hours that don't match work hours AT ALL, and all the million breaks that mean I need to line up camps or use annual leave. I'm convinced schools are against working parents.

Having loving married parents and loving families helped a lot. DH and I both had great childhoods. They say you raise your family the same way you were raised.

Growing up on a farm. The infant months aren’t that much different than foaling/calving season.

So next time you remember those awful times, thank a farmer. We get up and care for a living being every couple of hours for months…every spring!

Curiosity and self reflection. I have always been introspective and knew going in that I wanted to do things very differently than my own upbringing. This, combined with my own enjoyment of reading and learning new things, gave me a lot of confidence in how I’d approach parenting. It’s still super hard to be a mom but I am not frequently surprised.

A couple of things:
1. DH and I were among the last of our friends to have kids so we had plenty of people to give us advice (and hand-me-downs).
2. I had just finished grad school while working FT so I was used to not having free weekends to just lounge around.
3. We had time to save money and buy a house so we were financially secure.
4. I had been working for over a decade at that point and was with the same company for 5 years prior to the birth of my first child so had seniority and flexibility to cut back on my work hours.
5. Both DH and I chose careers/employers that would allow for a good work-life balance.
6. We are both from here and stayed in the area so that we had plenty of family around to help.

Chronic insomnia.

Babysitting/nannying. My husband had never changed a diaper before; I started babysitting at age 13 and did it throughout my twenties. That really helped with the mechanics of childcare.