Anonymous
Post 12/27/2021 11:32     Subject: Re:Am I overreacting
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't think you're overreacting. Your SIL obviously didn't think about your feelings. Your DH should call his sister and say that you were hurt. I think the photo taking at the funeral was in the "iffy" range, it might have been impromptu and not thought out. The sending of the framed photo to everyone was so insensitive -- that took time to do. I'm sure other family members that received it thought your SIL was insensitive.

NP here. I don't think there was anything wrong with taking the photo. But it was ridiculous of the SIL to think that OP would want that picture framed in her house!


My take on that was that the SIL was sending it to her brother, OP's husband. I can see why he would want it. I would want it, too. I think that OP's reaction is definitely over the top and she does need to do some time with grief therapy.


I'm the OP. She didn't send it in a text. She blew it up, framed it, and presented it at our family Christmas gathering for both my husband, my other SIL, and my MIL to unwrap in front of me and presumably to frame in our home. I'm in grief therapy. I'm generally doing OK. But I think it was really insensitive.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2021 11:28     Subject: Am I overreacting
OP, don't focus on this. You are still in the raw grieving stage. My dad also died in the last year... You really cannot expect anyone else to understand what you are going through. I had to convince my husband to skip work to attend my dad's funeral -- he just did not get it. People who are another level or two roved from the pain just can't empathize. Take care of yourself and lose all expectations for other people, focus on going through your own grief journey.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2021 11:20     Subject: Re:Am I overreacting
This was horribly insensitive. Maybe taking a picture made sense. But to frame it and present it as a Christmas gift in front of you is terrible.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2021 11:13     Subject: Am I overreacting
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It was very kind of them all to come to the service. Not all inlaws are that considerate.

Ask your husband to store his photo away in a closet. a
And try to forget about it. If it were me, I would only say something to the inlaws if they asked why you aren't displaying the photo. I'd start with explaining that the photo only reminds you of your mother's death. If they push back or act defensive, "Well Jane, what did you expect? I associate that day with mourning, not a happy family photo op."


Just because it was a funeral doesn't mean that people cannot be happy about other things. There should be laughter and smiles just as there will be tears and sadness. It is all part of life and death.


There’s one like you (above) in every crowd. Wait until you lose someone close to you.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2021 11:11     Subject: Am I overreacting
I’m from a family that takes photos at funerals and think that’s ok. It’s not disrespectful to the deceased. I wouldn’t have a problem with people taking a photo at my funeral. I would love it if my funeral served as a time for a joyous reunion and coming together of family and friends.

I also think it’s fine for OP not to want to display the picture and If asked she can say that it makes her sad because it reminds her of her mothers death.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2021 11:11     Subject: Am I overreacting
Very insensitive to take a family picture at a funeral and then present it to the grieving family member a few months afterwards. Should have been done privately.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2021 11:09     Subject: Am I overreacting
I’m sorry OP. Yes insensitive. September was only a few months ago and you are still grieving. It’s very hard. I’m sorry for your loss. ((((Hugs)))
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2021 11:05     Subject: Re:Am I overreacting
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't think you're overreacting. Your SIL obviously didn't think about your feelings. Your DH should call his sister and say that you were hurt. I think the photo taking at the funeral was in the "iffy" range, it might have been impromptu and not thought out. The sending of the framed photo to everyone was so insensitive -- that took time to do. I'm sure other family members that received it thought your SIL was insensitive.

NP here. I don't think there was anything wrong with taking the photo. But it was ridiculous of the SIL to think that OP would want that picture framed in her house!


My take on that was that the SIL was sending it to her brother, OP's husband. I can see why he would want it. I would want it, too. I think that OP's reaction is definitely over the top and she does need to do some time with grief therapy.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2021 10:50     Subject: Re:Am I overreacting
Anonymous wrote:I don't think you're overreacting. Your SIL obviously didn't think about your feelings. Your DH should call his sister and say that you were hurt. I think the photo taking at the funeral was in the "iffy" range, it might have been impromptu and not thought out. The sending of the framed photo to everyone was so insensitive -- that took time to do. I'm sure other family members that received it thought your SIL was insensitive.

NP here. I don't think there was anything wrong with taking the photo. But it was ridiculous of the SIL to think that OP would want that picture framed in her house!
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2021 10:49     Subject: Re:Am I overreacting
Anonymous wrote:Thanks all.


The eye-roll is immature, OP, and a bad look for you.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2021 10:48     Subject: Am I overreacting
Anonymous wrote:It was very kind of them all to come to the service. Not all inlaws are that considerate.

Ask your husband to store his photo away in a closet. a
And try to forget about it. If it were me, I would only say something to the inlaws if they asked why you aren't displaying the photo. I'd start with explaining that the photo only reminds you of your mother's death. If they push back or act defensive, "Well Jane, what did you expect? I associate that day with mourning, not a happy family photo op."


Just because it was a funeral doesn't mean that people cannot be happy about other things. There should be laughter and smiles just as there will be tears and sadness. It is all part of life and death.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2021 10:46     Subject: Am I overreacting
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry you are upset, OP. I’m sure your grief is still fresh. One of the few things about a funeral I’d that it provides opportunities for family reunions, of a sort. My mom had a photo of her siblings at their mom’s funerals and it’s special to them.


In this case, it was someone else's mother.



DP. I get that but I think OP is over-reacting. It was a garden. There are no tombstones involved. There is no reference to it being a funeral. The only reason OP knows the context of the photo is because she recognizes the garden. The SIL did not do anything wrong. Probably OP needs to get herself into therapy because her reaction is a little over the top and I say this as a woman who has buried a husband and two children.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2021 09:36     Subject: Re:Am I overreacting
I don't think you're overreacting. Your SIL obviously didn't think about your feelings. Your DH should call his sister and say that you were hurt. I think the photo taking at the funeral was in the "iffy" range, it might have been impromptu and not thought out. The sending of the framed photo to everyone was so insensitive -- that took time to do. I'm sure other family members that received it thought your SIL was insensitive.

Anonymous
Post 12/27/2021 09:33     Subject: Am I overreacting
I'm with you OP-- I think it's insensitive.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2021 09:28     Subject: Re:Am I overreacting
Thanks all.