OP, assuming that you're not a troll (or actually the husband)...

Being charitable here, it sounds like you and he are stuck in a bad cycle. Again, I'm giving your story a lot of benefit of the doubt here, but ASSUMING everything you said was accurate...

-You are generally frustrated, maybe at a boiling point now, about the amount of things on your plate, and he is not really contributing and he is perhaps being passive-aggressive. Perhaps purposefully blowing things off because he knows you will do them yourself, eventually. Also he has ADHD or some such, which isn't an excuse, but an explanation and might be helpful in determining a manageable strategy.

-AND. You are now micromanaging. He didn't do something for the household* yesterday and it stuck in your craw, so you are ready to pounce when he seems to be wasting time today.

-Even if he's generally a jerk, I don't blame him for his response (your title) because your monitoring his every second is not only disproportionate, but totally ineffective, even counterproductive.

-You are frustrated, and (again giving you the HUGE benefit of the doubt) you are justified in being frustrated. But you're having a tantrum at this point because you are unable to control him. Nothing good can come of this.

-Maybe there is no amount of calm problem-solving and meditation that will actually produce a good result for your family, which means you have to make some choices. But it doesn't sound like anything productive is even being attempted eight now.


*I almost said "for you!" But that just shows how ingrained the sexism is.

I complain about my spouse as much as the next person but good lord op, you’re nuts. I don’t say this lightly as most do on DCUM, but I could not be married to someone like you.

I’m actually reminded of my BIL who got divorced because he said his wife made him feel like an employee, and an under-appreciated one at that. I think they still love each other, but she treated him horribly and he couldn’t take it anymore.

Your dh is your partner, not your lackey. He can put boxes away in the morning and spend an hour getting ready to go to the gym if he wants. You need to lighten the f up.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he was parked under a tree, in a quiet peaceful spot, crying about what his life had become.

He was consulting with a divorce lawyer.

You don’t have a job. Household chores are your job. Do them and stop whining.

Men have to be told what to do or it won’t get done.

Maybe he was parked under a tree, in a quiet peaceful spot, crying about what his life had become.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you managing his time?

Because I have things I need him to do. We had a huge fight the other night because after we decorated the Christmas tree I told him to take the boxes back to the attic and he said he would do it in the morning. Why not now? He just wastes time.

Clearly you started the fight because a sane person would just say OK. At the end of the day my husband would have no desire to go up into the attic and he’d say the same thing and he’d do it in the morning. Keep it up and you won’t have to worry about managing his time because he won’t be around.

+1 Also she “told” him to take the boxes up instead of asking him if he’d mind doing it? Do it yourself, you nutty control freak!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you managing his time?

Because I have things I need him to do. We had a huge fight the other night because after we decorated the Christmas tree I told him to take the boxes back to the attic and he said he would do it in the morning. Why not now? He just wastes time.

This is crazy on so many levels. You TOLD him to take boxes to the attic. I mean I would ask my spouse or do it myself. But I don’t tell my spouse what to do. And monitoring his whereabouts and declaring that he wastes time.

This is the type of woman who'll moan about mental loads.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you managing his time?

Because I have things I need him to do. We had a huge fight the other night because after we decorated the Christmas tree I told him to take the boxes back to the attic and he said he would do it in the morning. Why not now? He just wastes time.

Clearly you started the fight because a sane person would just say OK. At the end of the day my husband would have no desire to go up into the attic and he’d say the same thing and he’d do it in the morning. Keep it up and you won’t have to worry about managing his time because he won’t be around.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you managing his time?

Because I have things I need him to do. We had a huge fight the other night because after we decorated the Christmas tree I told him to take the boxes back to the attic and he said he would do it in the morning. Why not now? He just wastes time.

OP—You have to be a troll. No one can seriously be typing this nonsense out and not realizing how crazy this all sounds. This is the classic DCUM trope: Crazy wife treating spouse like a lazy child.

Get a hobby.

Is there more going on?

1 hour from wake up to arrival is pretty normal, but you said you WFH, so maybe you mean 1 hour from when he left until he arrived? Even so, reasonable, maybe he got coffee or a snack on the way and sat in his car for 20 minutes consuming them before heading in.

Now, if he said he’d watch the kids so you could WFH, and would be home by 9 but didn’t get home until 10, that’s a problem. Is there something like that going on? Or do you just want him to account for every minute of the day?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you managing his time?

Because I have things I need him to do. We had a huge fight the other night because after we decorated the Christmas tree I told him to take the boxes back to the attic and he said he would do it in the morning. Why not now? He just wastes time.

Okay you're just a terrible spouse. He can't poop before going to the gym because he hasn't finished the list of chores you've assigned him?

Maybe he was enjoying solitude and peace.