I sometimes felt guilty when my daughter was in daycare (she usually did 7-5, so 10 hours), but then COVID hit and I switched to WFH without daycare. My job is flexible to an extent so we had some genuinely great times, but we also had a lot of days where I was working and trying to keep her vaguely occupied by a toy, by herself, but also run a meeting. It didn't work. It was worse for her than ten hours a day of daycare. I can't stop working, realistically, so she went back to daycare as soon as she could.

She's five now, in kindergarten, and does beforecare and aftercare three days a week (again, 7-5) and the number one thing I hear from her when I pick her up is that I interrupted something she was having fun doing. She wants to do five days a week next year.

Not at all. Due to Covid restrictions, my kids (5, 7) don’t mix classes. After care is their social time and they get mad if I pick them up “too early”. It’s their social time.

Anonymous wrote:Why does the 8 year old have to be in aftercare? I have a 7 year old and she walks home from the bus stop and hangs out while I finish teleworking. I love it so much. She has basically turned my formal dining room into her art studio, but it keeps her very occupied.

I'm returning to work one day a week though and now I'm hustling to find aftercare. The only thing I could find is $$$ and 5 days a week, when I only need 1 day.

Not the OP, but my kid walks to school, and is not old enough for the school to allow her to walk home on her own. Someone has to pick her up when school lets out, or she has to go to aftercare.

Nope. They are social little boogers and it's good for them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think 8.5 hours is kind of the limit. Six would be better, for my kids.

Can you occasionally take them out earlier?

But also, remember that having them at home in front of the TV while you work would be worse for them. Don't feel guilty for thinking about your family holistically. They need sane parents, a roof over their heads, healthy meals, and college savings more than they need to spend an extra few hours with you daily (no offense to you, I'm sure you're wonderful and they love you very much).

Yeah, I did not feel guilty when my kids were in daycare/preschool. But I would not have been comfortable with having them in group care for 8.5 hours days ...that's just too much, IMO. I dropped them off at 8:30 and picked them up between 4 and 4:30. Obviously I understand not everyone can make such a schedule work, but just sharing how I felt.

So 8 hours was fine but 8.5 would have been too much?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think 8.5 hours is kind of the limit. Six would be better, for my kids.

Can you occasionally take them out earlier?

But also, remember that having them at home in front of the TV while you work would be worse for them. Don't feel guilty for thinking about your family holistically. They need sane parents, a roof over their heads, healthy meals, and college savings more than they need to spend an extra few hours with you daily (no offense to you, I'm sure you're wonderful and they love you very much).

Yeah, I did not feel guilty when my kids were in daycare/preschool. But I would not have been comfortable with having them in group care for 8.5 hours days ...that's just too much, IMO. I dropped them off at 8:30 and picked them up between 4 and 4:30. Obviously I understand not everyone can make such a schedule work, but just sharing how I felt.

8:30 to 4:30 is 8 hours.

No. I feel like kids that do daycare and aftercare are more well rounded anyhow.

Anonymous wrote:Both my kids, 3 and 8, are in daycare and aftercare. It averages about 8.5 hours a day. I think I feel it more acutely since I started working from home and I return home after dropping them off. Sometimes the little one looks so tired and the older one isn’t crazy about aftercare. I don’t know what else we can do but it feels bad to me.

Switch to part time or learn to live on one salary.

Not even a little bit.

Anonymous wrote:I think 8.5 hours is kind of the limit. Six would be better, for my kids.

Can you occasionally take them out earlier?

But also, remember that having them at home in front of the TV while you work would be worse for them. Don't feel guilty for thinking about your family holistically. They need sane parents, a roof over their heads, healthy meals, and college savings more than they need to spend an extra few hours with you daily (no offense to you, I'm sure you're wonderful and they love you very much).

Yeah, I did not feel guilty when my kids were in daycare/preschool. But I would not have been comfortable with having them in group care for 8.5 hours days ...that's just too much, IMO. I dropped them off at 8:30 and picked them up between 4 and 4:30. Obviously I understand not everyone can make such a schedule work, but just sharing how I felt.

No, but that varies by care center I suppose. DD would get mad at me for picking her up early from daycare bc she wanted to play with her friends. Now she's in 1G and aftercare and she doesn't want to be the first one picked up or the last. She has a blast with her friends and teachers. I've been lucky in the centers/schools I've found though.

Why does the 8 year old have to be in aftercare? I have a 7 year old and she walks home from the bus stop and hangs out while I finish teleworking. I love it so much. She has basically turned my formal dining room into her art studio, but it keeps her very occupied.

I'm returning to work one day a week though and now I'm hustling to find aftercare. The only thing I could find is $$$ and 5 days a week, when I only need 1 day.

Only occasionally. Most of the time my kids really enjoy daycare or aftercare. My kids are there for about 9 hours a day. I'm back to working in the office most days of the week. The few days that I've had to keep one or both of them home and try to work has been really challenging. There really isn't an alternative- if I wasn't working and we'd have to move and our quality of life would go way down.

I think 8.5 hours is kind of the limit. Six would be better, for my kids.

Can you occasionally take them out earlier?

But also, remember that having them at home in front of the TV while you work would be worse for them. Don't feel guilty for thinking about your family holistically. They need sane parents, a roof over their heads, healthy meals, and college savings more than they need to spend an extra few hours with you daily (no offense to you, I'm sure you're wonderful and they love you very much).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. Every single day. But I never admit it to anyone IRL. I tell them how great it is and how much my kid loves it. I have 200 rationalizations for why daycare is superior to nanny or SAHM care but don’t really believe it.

I think you need some help.

Why? For being honest?

NP but not for honesty. For feeling guilty daily over something that really doesn’t matter in the long run.

- SAHM

I’m not thinking about the long run. I’m saying how I feel now.