Anonymous
12/13/2021 15:55
Subject: Ever since we started paying MIL every month she has gotten lazier and more entitled.
I assume this is just a.way to give her money because she is poor?
Anonymous
12/13/2021 15:20
Subject: Ever since we started paying MIL every month she has gotten lazier and more entitled.
Anonymous wrote:We pay for everything with my MIL with also the expectation that we will take care of her in old age. We have been paying MIL about $500-1000 a month to do a date night every Friday. She only wants to stay for 2 hours and she wants us to pay for her uber there and back or pick her up because she doesn't love driving. I found out my husband gave her $1500 for Christmas as a gift. I just feel... it's excessive. We have two young kids. I am ok with about $500 a month. I don't want to use our entire childcare budget on her. I prefer to use sitters so it's not this type of situation where she wants a ride (she lives 20 min away).
You pay her almost $63/hr to babysit plus transportation? That's insanity.
Anonymous
12/13/2021 15:18
Subject: Ever since we started paying MIL every month she has gotten lazier and more entitled.
Also, if she can't afford her lifestyle and she has a room in your house, it might be time for her to just move in. Paying for her to live somewhere else is extravagant if you are on a limited budget.
Anonymous
12/13/2021 15:17
Subject: Ever since we started paying MIL every month she has gotten lazier and more entitled.
Does she need the money? If so, work out a budget and just give it to her and pay a real babysitter. Then schedule time for her to be with the grandkids.
Does DH have siblings who can contribute, too? It sounds like he is trying to funnel her money without offending her as if it were a handout. It's weird.
Does DH have siblings who can contribute, too? It sounds like he is trying to funnel her money without offending her as if it were a handout. It's weird.
Anonymous
12/13/2021 15:10
Subject: Ever since we started paying MIL every month she has gotten lazier and more entitled.
Um, what? The posters saying it looks like your DH just wants to give her money may be right. Is money tight for her? If so, the stipend idea mentioned above sounds good if you're on board too.
Otherwise, yes, having a sitter with her own transportation and not just a 2 hour limit is easier and much less expensive obviously.
Otherwise, yes, having a sitter with her own transportation and not just a 2 hour limit is easier and much less expensive obviously.
Anonymous
12/13/2021 15:08
Subject: Ever since we started paying MIL every month she has gotten lazier and more entitled.
Find a new babysitter for date night. It will be a bargain.
The other financial stuff I don't know about.
The other financial stuff I don't know about.
Anonymous
12/13/2021 15:06
Subject: Ever since we started paying MIL every month she has gotten lazier and more entitled.
Sounds like the arrangement doesn't work. Maybe babysitting isn't her thing. What happens if you cut the money off? Maybe she would prefer to help do laundry or meal prep if you think she needs to earn the money. And how is this a tradeoff if you're paying now and get to take care of her when she's older? Sounds like she should be helping you now, then you help her later, without paying her upfront for the "help".
Anonymous
12/13/2021 15:02
Subject: Re:Ever since we started paying MIL every month she has gotten lazier and more entitled.
2 hours may be all she can manage, and it may really be unsafe for her to drive, which means that she cannot meet your babysitting needs. I think you’re right to hire a regular babysitter and just give her a stipend of $500/month without any strings. But you really need to talk with your husband about his goals here and get on the same page. Also try to avoid speaking of her with such scorn if you want to have a productive conversation.
Anonymous
12/13/2021 14:55
Subject: Ever since we started paying MIL every month she has gotten lazier and more entitled.
oops meant $10K a month
Anonymous
12/13/2021 14:55
Subject: Ever since we started paying MIL every month she has gotten lazier and more entitled.
OP you definitely need to have a conversation with your husband about the level of $ support you 2 are willing to provide. What if you MIL needs aides or a nursing home? That can easily be up to $10 a month.
Anonymous
12/13/2021 14:52
Subject: Ever since we started paying MIL every month she has gotten lazier and more entitled.
Yeah, stop paying her to babysit. Two hours max is ridiculous. Just hire a real babysitter. If your husband wants to keep giving her money, that's a different issue.