Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not in the same exact position, but our only is a croup with every cold baby. If you don't know what it is, it's when they wake up having trouble breathing. Many ambulance rides and ER admissions for us, so i completely understand where you are coming from! He is 5 now, and only now has it gotten better and we are just now thinking maybe we could handle another one. But before - i had full on anxiety and maybe PTSD and knew that if we had another one it would permanently break my brain. My doctor recommended I see someone for PTSD but then covid hit, and I got better on my own. Take care of your own mental health, and see where you are then.

So did you decide on a second?

We just approached the topic last week, undecided!

Not serious issues with my child, but my brain REALLY did not react well to giving birth; it's like it broke me. Just a bad chemical reaction almost. That was the main reason I stopped at one. And then the pandemic happened and it was like God was sending me a confirmation.

My first son was hospitalized at three weeks and has autism. I said to myself it can’t get worse. Which is still a risk. But DS2 doesn’t have any issues and was/is the easiest kid.

My first child is severe special needs: medically fragile, rare condition, intellectual disability. My DH and I wanted a second. He is typical and we work very hard to make sure he never feels second to the SN child. But it’s hard given how much we need to do for our SN child. I stopped working early on when my second was born to give more time to devote to both. In fact, he is out of school this coming Friday, so I’m taking him away for a couple days - just the two of us - since my SN child is still in school.

Anonymous wrote:I had a terribly high risk pregnancy then a preemie then post partum anxiety. The NICU days destroyed me and I knew that I could never go through that willingly again, especially with another child. DH got a vasectomy a couple years after DC was born and we do not regret the decision.

Same with my friend except it was a sudden birth at 23 weeks. I don't think she will have another because she can't prevent it, doesn't know what caused it and it would wreck their family for another 5 month NICU stay.

My first didn't sleep for 3 years. Then at 7 was diagnosed with type I diabetes which is strongly genetic. I wouldn't have had #2 and now #3 if it weren't with a different man and also #2 sleep through the night immediately but it is also a 10 year gap.

I was pregnant with my second before my first started exhibiting issues. Had I known how difficult they would be, I would not have had another. My second has none of the same problems though, so I got lucky.

I had a terribly high risk pregnancy then a preemie then post partum anxiety. The NICU days destroyed me and I knew that I could never go through that willingly again, especially with another child. DH got a vasectomy a couple years after DC was born and we do not regret the decision.

My DS had ADHD-- it was obvious (to me) by the time he was eighteen months. I did a lot of reading and realized that some family members probably have undiagnosed ADHD and so it must be hereditary in my family.
We stopped at one--I didn't want to parent two children with ADHD and I wanted to give DS the attention that he needed and still have a life of my own.

Our second child had health issues that developed around age 2-3, so we never got around to having #3. We were just too exhausted to think about it until child was about 8 and it wasn’t what we wanted at that point.

I have the opposite - I was so afraid of having a difficult SN child and since our first is easy and happy I think I should quit while I’m ahead.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On the contrary, I really wanted to parent a healthy child.

"We plan, God laughs."

In this case, God signed on, so not sure where you're going with this.

NP- having a healthy baby doesn't guarantee anything. A friends son was diagnosed with leukemia at 4. Saying you wanted to parent a healthy child is absurd. We all want that, but life is long and who knows what will happen to our healthy babies.

Not in this context. The question is whether the baby is born with, or develops, problems early so that parents wonder whether they should have another child.

Not real issues with my child, who is healthy and delightful, but an extremely tough pregnancy and health challenges during my first year postpartum. To be honest, I have not 100% ruled it out yet and every time I hear about a friend having another baby I think "I want another one of those!" But from a practical perspective, the idea of another rough pregnancy, this time while caring for an older child, stresses me out a lot. My doc says it would be okay so it's not like I can't. But it was traumatic and a big part of me just wants to invest all my energy and health in the little family I have now and not push my luck. The last thing I want is to not be able to be the mom I'd like to be to two kids, when I now have the chance to be that mom to one.

She'd make a great sibling though. And I even have a name picked out. So yeah, I have baby fever, plus strong reservations. It's tough!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On the contrary, I really wanted to parent a healthy child.

"We plan, God laughs."

In this case, God signed on, so not sure where you're going with this.

NP- having a healthy baby doesn't guarantee anything. A friends son was diagnosed with leukemia at 4. Saying you wanted to parent a healthy child is absurd. We all want that, but life is long and who knows what will happen to our healthy babies.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On the contrary, I really wanted to parent a healthy child.

"We plan, God laughs."

In this case, God signed on, so not sure where you're going with this.