I wasn't so sure if I wanted one, two, or three when I had my first but then I had my second and I just felt so whole and compete.

Anonymous wrote:I loved the baby/toddler years. But once my youngest was three, I didn’t want to go back to them - we can do big kid stuff like cool day trips, skiing, etc - no naps! No baby food! No 6 pm bedtimes! It wouldn’t seem fair to my seven year old that he couldn’t do things bc of a baby at home. Plus, the age gap was getting big, and it is hard to find something that is appropriate for a two year old AND a nine year old. (Babies go everywhere, but I was worried about a few years later.)

This ^^

I would give anything to hold my girls as babies/toddlers again but I also don’t wish to go back and do it all over again. It’s too much fun getting to finally enjoy doing things as a family!

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are still on the fence about having one more kid. We are 38 and have 3 right now (7, 5 and almost 2) and the idea of a vasectomy seems too permanent. BUT I am old. And we have 3 kids already. If we did it we would have to do it now or never. I keep waffling back and forth!

If I had unlimited riches and a DH that was not wired to be neurotic, anxious and a perfectionist I would have 5 or even 7. But that’s not reality and my last pregnancy I almost died so there’s that. 2 and done here!

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are still on the fence about having one more kid. We are 38 and have 3 right now (7, 5 and almost 2) and the idea of a vasectomy seems too permanent. BUT I am old. And we have 3 kids already. If we did it we would have to do it now or never. I keep waffling back and forth!

If you don’t absolutely know/feel that you want another one, don’t have another one.

I know my max is two. I just have one now and am struggling with the decision about the second. Do I have enough resources (money, energy, social support). What if it’s twins? What if the kid has special needs? But if I had two I would know for sure my family is complete.

Two primary reasons

I couldn't handle 50% more sleep disruption

I felt like I didn't have enough attention to go around

I briefly considered a third but I felt that resources (my and my husband's individual one on one time as well as money) would be more strained with 3 and decided to just focus on the two I have. I'm 36 and I know the risk of a miscarriage is higher now and also not something I want to experience.

If you're 38 and have three kids do the world a favor and stop. You have a big enough family already and you're not young.

About to have my second, two and done. It’s an easy choice for us, no doubt no questions we just know. So it should be a feeling like that.

I was 34 and found my third pregnancy pretty rough. I felt blessed to have a third healthy child and didn’t want to press my good luck going for a fourth.

We have three; I was 39.5 when the third was born. While in some ways four would be great, the factors that swayed us against it were: needing some breathing room in life; both of us working FT (and not wanting to stop); having zero family support; and age.

The work was probably the most relevant factor--I had zero interest in cutting back or quitting, and in reality it would have been me who had to do so. Even though my job is flexible, being a full-time working mom to four seemed like too much. I don't know any moms of four who worked FT, but plenty of moms of three who did, and the lack of representation seemed important.

When I'm pregnant with #3 and my reaction to your post is hell nah I'm not having another at 38/39 lol!

Practicality wise, it puts off my retirement, will stretch me too thin, makes vacations more stressful and unaffordable and just doesn't add any net positives that I can see.

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are still on the fence about having one more kid. We are 38 and have 3 right now (7, 5 and almost 2) and the idea of a vasectomy seems too permanent. BUT I am old. And we have 3 kids already. If we did it we would have to do it now or never. I keep waffling back and forth!

I’m 38 too and have two kids. My husband is completely done so in some ways that makes it simple but I find myself feeling sad about the window that is closing. I don’t realistically think I could manage another pregnancy at this age with the two kids I have (I have had really hard pregnancies and a long term medical issue that is more complicated when I’m pregnant). So really the window is closed but still it’s hard to realize you don’t have a tiny kid anymore and you never will again. I keep reminding myself that it wasn’t a phase that could go on forever so it was going to end sooner or later…

I knew I wouldn't have more than 2 after I had hyperemesis gravidarum with the first. Didn't want to have an only so knew I would go back for a second but absolutely no way was I going to put my body through that for a third. I also had planned C-sections, I made sure I had a tubal right after I had the second C-section.

I have 3 and had a painful 3rd pregnancy where I couldn't play with my kids actively and am now in the newborn trenches. I don't want to lose another ~year of enjoying parenting my existing kids because I'm physically unable to run around with them or too tired to be present and fully and happily engaged with them. They're little kids years go by too fast to not be fully able to enjoy another one.

If I could snap my fingers and have like another 4 year old I wouldn't, but I can't so we're done