Anonymous wrote:It would depend on the circumstances. Signing up for divorced in laws means an exponentially more complicated in-law relationship, more drama over holidays, potential acrimony at weddings and other events. Eldercare becomes more complicated with step-parents. Inheritances are messier.

If the divorced parents were amicable and self aware, if they understood their choice to divorce meant 1/3 vs 1/2 on holidays/grandchildren events, then I would not make it a dealbreaker, but I would not marry someone whose parents were messily divorced.

Not that it is likely to matter as my parents and in laws are still married, but it is how I would advise my children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would give me pause. I am in my late 30s and have 4 close friends who have already divorced. In 3 out of 4 of those cases, the person asking for the divorce has divorced parents. The outlier has parents who are still married but went through multiple separations when the family was young.

I agree. I think the more that divorce is normalized growing up, the more likely someone will turn to it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What an odd question.

While I am SURE there are people who witnessed and internalized bad patterns and dynamics from their parents' relationships, there are tons of people who experience this whether their parents are divorced or married.

Yikes to this question and the entire premise that it is even worth considering.

I'm 10:50, and exactly the bolded. For people who say now, what other uncontrollable criteria do you have for dismissing a potential partner? And, do you consider yourself emotionally healthy if you're that judgmental?

Also, the assumption that remaining married equates with stability, emotional maturity, etc., is comical. One of the most emotionally mature people I know is divorced, and it's precisely her emotional maturity that led to her divorce. Plenty of people settle for terrible partners in part due to their own dysfunction. And that's a badge of honor? Get real.

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Because I know someone who is thrice divorced and the only reason they’re not divorcing again is because they’re afraid they’re too old to meet someone else who is a “quality” candidate, and they don’t want to die alone. Meanwhile their parents are still married…

I’m sure we all know lots of divorced folks who come from “intact” nuclear families.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would give me pause. I am in my late 30s and have 4 close friends who have already divorced. In 3 out of 4 of those cases, the person asking for the divorce has divorced parents. The outlier has parents who are still married but went through multiple separations when the family was young.

I dated a divorcée. Her parents divorced, then remarried other people, and divorced again.

There were, I think, 8 divorces involving just this couple and their only child (who I dated, but broke up with).

She married the next guy, had a child, and is now divorced from him. Divorce was the norm in that family.

I personally believe more in commitment, personal responsibility, and grit.

Other people? Many seem really fragile or mentally ill these days.

Anonymous wrote:It would give me pause. I am in my late 30s and have 4 close friends who have already divorced. In 3 out of 4 of those cases, the person asking for the divorce has divorced parents. The outlier has parents who are still married but went through multiple separations when the family was young.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to really see the reasons behind it.

For cheating, alcoholics, physically and emotionally abusive households, hell YEAH that would be some MAJOR red flags. You can pretty much guarantee as nice as they seem in their 20s/early 30s pre-marriage, there are going to be some really big issues come midlife and when kids come along. A lot of that trauma comes out after kids are born and holidays and everything bring back lots of repressed trauma. They also learn to 'lie and compartmentalize' because that is what they had to do outside of the home, they usually learned it from the other parent.

To this point, I would be very wary of marrying the child of an abusive family unless they had done significant therapy to ensure an end to the cycle of abuse. Regardless of whether the parents were still married.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would give me pause. I am in my late 30s and have 4 close friends who have already divorced. In 3 out of 4 of those cases, the person asking for the divorce has divorced parents. The outlier has parents who are still married but went through multiple separations when the family was young.

I agree. I think the more that divorce is normalized growing up, the more likely someone will turn to it.

'

Divorce is not a sign of failure and there is nothing wrong with it.

Regular people think a successful marriage is one that never ends. That mindset is a problem in it self.

Anonymous wrote:What an odd question.

While I am SURE there are people who witnessed and internalized bad patterns and dynamics from their parents' relationships, there are tons of people who experience this whether their parents are divorced or married.

Yikes to this question and the entire premise that it is even worth considering.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would give me pause. I am in my late 30s and have 4 close friends who have already divorced. In 3 out of 4 of those cases, the person asking for the divorce has divorced parents. The outlier has parents who are still married but went through multiple separations when the family was young.

I agree. I think the more that divorce is normalized growing up, the more likely someone will turn to it.

'

Divorce is not a sign of failure and there is nothing wrong with it.

Regular people think a successful marriage is one that never ends. That mindset is a problem in it self.

Anonymous wrote:You need to really see the reasons behind it.

For cheating, alcoholics, physically and emotionally abusive households, hell YEAH that would be some MAJOR red flags. You can pretty much guarantee as nice as they seem in their 20s/early 30s pre-marriage, there are going to be some really big issues come midlife and when kids come along. A lot of that trauma comes out after kids are born and holidays and everything bring back lots of repressed trauma. They also learn to 'lie and compartmentalize' because that is what they had to do outside of the home, they usually learned it from the other parent.