I think women who had loving, supportive fathers get “luckier” in love because they think it’s normal and appropriate to be loved and respected by a man. Many women don’t get that and it makes it much harder for us. We might meet great men who love us, and that love can feel too intense or we are suspicious of it because it’s unfamiliar. We instead tend to be drawn to men who are like our fathers, which — pick your poison. I wound up with someone self-centered and emotionally unsupportive. Unsurprising.

But he is getting better with time, and while I wish I’d had this self knowledge a long time ago, I can still put it to good use now. He’s not quite as bad as my dad, plus parenting expectations and expectations on men are higher now, plus we have a good group of friends with good parenting role models for my DH. It’s not perfect, but my DH is significantly more loving and invested in our DD than my dad ever was in me. We talk about it a lot and I discuss how important it is for her to get lots of positive reinforcement from him snd to develop a trusting, loving relationship. So far so good. I’m nervous about the teen years but I view facilitating a healthy, positive relationship between them as one of the most important things I can do for my DD. I refuse to sentence her to spending her 20s and 30s believing she is not worthy of love and respect, as I did.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is me, even though I choose to be single ATM. I've always had a ton of men trying to get to me. I currently have very rich and some even famous men in my DMs trying to talk to me

1) I'm conventionally attractive, "beautiful" according to most people
2) I have a positive attitude and am generally happy go lucky
3) I dont care that much about male approval which seems to call it to you, bizarrely
4) I'm an interesting, fun conversationalist.

I think that's about it. It's not that complicated, men are simple creatures.

Men don't like to be challenged. Get it. And that's great when the husband doesn't need any negative feedback either. But what happens when they do need to be challenged?

And you got that from my post how? LOL. If anything point #3 directly contradicts that, but whatever you need to do to feel better I guess.

Very bizarre thinking on your end...

No it's not. Lets say the man quit his job. I don't need his approval of me, but I need the money for the family. Lets say the man had an addiction. I need him to stop. I don't need his approval of me. Lets say the man was emotionally abusive. I don't need his approval of me but I need him to stop with the verbal abuse. Lets say the man had an affair. I don't need his approval of me, but there is no way to have a physical and emotional connection while that is going on. Yes, I can do my own thing, but it's not a successful marriage. A man's approval seems to imply that the woman wants the man to fawn on her. What I'm talking about is getting the man to stop doing something, not to start something.

Why are you dating a man who 1) has an addiction 2) is emotionally abusive 3) quit his job voluntarily?

I thought this thread was asking why men go after a certain type of women. The answer to your question appears to be about YOUR choices aka you picking low value, trashy men who have serious issues, are immature, and treat you badly. You dont have to date these men. I'm happy go lucky cause I would never waste my time with a low value man who would stress me out. Men can tell and HVM are attracted to that energy, a woman who seems confident, happy (cause she's not worried about some man's crazines), and joyful.

Sorry you picked badly. But get some therapy, take some accountability, and kindly stop trying to blame other women for your bad choices. Bless.

Anonymous wrote:I think this is me, even though I choose to be single ATM. I've always had a ton of men trying to get to me. I currently have very rich and some even famous men in my DMs trying to talk to me

1) I'm conventionally attractive, "beautiful" according to most people
2) I have a positive attitude and am generally happy go lucky
3) I dont care that much about male approval which seems to call it to you, bizarrely
4) I'm an interesting, fun conversationalist.

I think that's about it. It's not that complicated, men are simple creatures.

I don't mean this as an insult and I'm sure you're lovely, but you probably could have stopped at #1. For beautiful women being "lucky in love" is the default. The PP who said she's ordinary looking but still consistently attracts lots of quality men is a lot more interesting, IMO.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is me, even though I choose to be single ATM. I've always had a ton of men trying to get to me. I currently have very rich and some even famous men in my DMs trying to talk to me

1) I'm conventionally attractive, "beautiful" according to most people
2) I have a positive attitude and am generally happy go lucky
3) I dont care that much about male approval which seems to call it to you, bizarrely
4) I'm an interesting, fun conversationalist.

I think that's about it. It's not that complicated, men are simple creatures.

Men don't like to be challenged. Get it. And that's great when the husband doesn't need any negative feedback either. But what happens when they do need to be challenged?

This. See what happens when he makes serious mistakes/adds serious negativity to the relationship and needs to be held accountable and see how much he enjoys that.

I will say for some of you guys who are saying that men dont like to be challenged- that might be true. You cant really change a man, that's why you have to vet at first. At lot of the women on here on the "who pays" thread saying they would go half and half. A lot of the women on here ran into a marriage at 23 because they felt they had to get married early. A lot of the women tolerate man baby behavior and hope he changes.

That's YOUR FAULT. if you pick men who act right from the jump, and also who are mature/open to hearing feedback, it's not a problem. Smart women figure that ish out early.

I know not every woman has the same options as me, but seriously- some of you whine about your husbands and he always was a loser since the day you met him. So why did you marry a loser?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is the title to this “why are some women always lucky in love” when the OP is comparing herself to someone whose mother and first husband died?

Live your own life, everyone is different… thinking like this is going to make you miserable.

Seriously! OP this woman’s husband DIED. If you are sitting around wondering why she is luckier than you, please see a therapist.

Yup.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is me, even though I choose to be single ATM. I've always had a ton of men trying to get to me. I currently have very rich and some even famous men in my DMs trying to talk to me

1) I'm conventionally attractive, "beautiful" according to most people
2) I have a positive attitude and am generally happy go lucky
3) I dont care that much about male approval which seems to call it to you, bizarrely
4) I'm an interesting, fun conversationalist.

I think that's about it. It's not that complicated, men are simple creatures.

Men don't like to be challenged. Get it. And that's great when the husband doesn't need any negative feedback either. But what happens when they do need to be challenged?

And you got that from my post how? LOL. If anything point #3 directly contradicts that, but whatever you need to do to feel better I guess.

Very bizarre thinking on your end...

No it's not. Lets say the man quit his job. I don't need his approval of me, but I need the money for the family. Lets say the man had an addiction. I need him to stop. I don't need his approval of me. Lets say the man was emotionally abusive. I don't need his approval of me but I need him to stop with the verbal abuse. Lets say the man had an affair. I don't need his approval of me, but there is no way to have a physical and emotional connection while that is going on. Yes, I can do my own thing, but it's not a successful marriage. A man's approval seems to imply that the woman wants the man to fawn on her. What I'm talking about is getting the man to stop doing something, not to start something.

You have no idea what this woman's life is actually like.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is me, even though I choose to be single ATM. I've always had a ton of men trying to get to me. I currently have very rich and some even famous men in my DMs trying to talk to me

1) I'm conventionally attractive, "beautiful" according to most people
2) I have a positive attitude and am generally happy go lucky
3) I dont care that much about male approval which seems to call it to you, bizarrely
4) I'm an interesting, fun conversationalist.

I think that's about it. It's not that complicated, men are simple creatures.

Men don't like to be challenged. Get it. And that's great when the husband doesn't need any negative feedback either. But what happens when they do need to be challenged?

This. See what happens when he makes serious mistakes/adds serious negativity to the relationship and needs to be held accountable and see how much he enjoys that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is me, even though I choose to be single ATM. I've always had a ton of men trying to get to me. I currently have very rich and some even famous men in my DMs trying to talk to me

1) I'm conventionally attractive, "beautiful" according to most people
2) I have a positive attitude and am generally happy go lucky
3) I dont care that much about male approval which seems to call it to you, bizarrely
4) I'm an interesting, fun conversationalist.

I think that's about it. It's not that complicated, men are simple creatures.

Men don't like to be challenged. Get it. And that's great when the husband doesn't need any negative feedback either. But what happens when they do need to be challenged?

And you got that from my post how? LOL. If anything point #3 directly contradicts that, but whatever you need to do to feel better I guess.

Very bizarre thinking on your end...

Anonymous wrote:Why is the title to this “why are some women always lucky in love” when the OP is comparing herself to someone whose mother and first husband died?

Live your own life, everyone is different… thinking like this is going to make you miserable.

Seriously! OP this woman’s husband DIED. If you are sitting around wondering why she is luckier than you, please see a therapist.

Anonymous wrote:I think this is me, even though I choose to be single ATM. I've always had a ton of men trying to get to me. I currently have very rich and some even famous men in my DMs trying to talk to me

1) I'm conventionally attractive, "beautiful" according to most people
2) I have a positive attitude and am generally happy go lucky
3) I dont care that much about male approval which seems to call it to you, bizarrely
4) I'm an interesting, fun conversationalist.

I think that's about it. It's not that complicated, men are simple creatures.

1) How old are you and are you never married or divorced?

2) how do you meet said men?

Anonymous wrote:I think this is me, even though I choose to be single ATM. I've always had a ton of men trying to get to me. I currently have very rich and some even famous men in my DMs trying to talk to me

1) I'm conventionally attractive, "beautiful" according to most people
2) I have a positive attitude and am generally happy go lucky
3) I dont care that much about male approval which seems to call it to you, bizarrely
4) I'm an interesting, fun conversationalist.

I think that's about it. It's not that complicated, men are simple creatures.

Men don't like to be challenged. Get it. And that's great when the husband doesn't need any negative feedback either. But what happens when they do need to be challenged?

I think this is me, even though I choose to be single ATM. I've always had a ton of men trying to get to me. I currently have very rich and some even famous men in my DMs trying to talk to me

1) I'm conventionally attractive, "beautiful" according to most people
2) I have a positive attitude and am generally happy go lucky
3) I dont care that much about male approval which seems to call it to you, bizarrely
4) I'm an interesting, fun conversationalist.

I think that's about it. It's not that complicated, men are simple creatures.

Some people are just superior marriage partners.

This is anecdotal, of course, but based on my observations, the widows who had happy marriages have a much better luck remarrying compared to the divorced women. Similar demographics, ages, kids, and yet they seem to have it easier. They have a better radar on picking partners, better ways of communicating their needs and what's negotiable and what's not, they are emotionally stable and have reasonable expectations of the marriage, etc, etc.

Anonymous wrote:Why is the title to this “why are some women always lucky in love” when the OP is comparing herself to someone whose mother and first husband died?

Live your own life, everyone is different… thinking like this is going to make you miserable.

Her kids were very young. Nobody knows how the marriage would have played out over time, in middle age, etc.

My cousin lost her husband when her child was 3 and there is a tendency to romanticize and only see the good in the past. I'm not saying this woman didn't have a great marriage, it's just that so many speak no ill when something like this happens. IT is 'social media' after all.