Anonymous wrote:Did he reciprocate your feelings, OP?

Yes. We were together for five years.

Anonymous wrote:“In love?”
Sounds like an intense crush and sexual attraction. But not “in love.”

How do you know you’re “in love?”

Did he reciprocate your feelings, OP?

Anonymous wrote:Hey, the 💘 wants what it wants.

Period.

That’s the vagina talking, not the heart.

What really helped me was being struck with the realization that I didn’t really miss the person per se so much as the person I *was* in their company. It wasn’t about how “someone made me feel,” like in a romantic movie, but actually how I thought and behaved around them. Specifically, I realized that I had spent so much of my adult life being responsible and doing “grown up” things that I had lost sight of fun and playfulness. This person reminded me I had those qualities in myself and when I realized that, I could be grateful that we had met, and I just worked on being that person wherever I went. And I am happy to say that I am not only “over” that person but also just a more joyful person in marriage and in life. OP, maybe if you let your mind wander a bit it will come up with your own AHA moment (and it won’t be any of the very rational reasons you already know) that will show you what truly has you hooked/what your heart is really after and it will free you from what you already know is the irrational and unhealthy attraction to that person and bring the focus on yourself. Good luck, OP!

Gotta make a move or regret making one.

Anonymous wrote:You grow up

+1000 OP. Sounds like you willfully want to stay in La La Land. You do you, but don’t expect others to have the patience to indulge your navel gazing when we’ve got things to do in the real world.

You grow up

Anonymous wrote:I felt this way about someone and listed out all the reasons I was infatuated with this person. My long list ended with “reminds me of my dad,” “reminds me of my mom” and “if I can please this person then finally I will be happy.”

Yikes. The moral of the story is that you are projecting your own sh*t onto this guy. You don’t miss the actual guy at all. You miss what you hoped he could do for you. But only you (and not some love interest) can figure out what that is and address it.

Well aware of the possibility and he never reminded me of anyone. Just loved him himself, through and through.

I felt this way about someone and listed out all the reasons I was infatuated with this person. My long list ended with “reminds me of my dad,” “reminds me of my mom” and “if I can please this person then finally I will be happy.”

Yikes. The moral of the story is that you are projecting your own sh*t onto this guy. You don’t miss the actual guy at all. You miss what you hoped he could do for you. But only you (and not some love interest) can figure out what that is and address it.

BtDt. Distance and time.

Hey, the 💘 wants what it wants.

Period.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time is the most important factor. How much time has passed?

Years.

Get therapy. Sounds like you may also suffer from low self esteem if you are still “in love” with someone that doesn’t treat you right.

Thanks. I have as I said enough rationality to tell myself over and over every day many excellent reasons not to feel this way but it never changes how I actually feel for more than a few hours. I still love him, I never stopped loving him, and i spend part of every day talking myself down from why I cannot continue to feel this way. It is so much work.

Anonymous wrote:Get other interests. It sounds like this person is filling a hole in your life that no one person, no matter how spectacular, should ever be expected to fill. You need other passions, friends, community, reason for living that just puts into perspective the longing of romantic love.

I have all that but there is no substitute for what that was and the half of the love that I still carry with me. I am single and do not want to be.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time is the most important factor. How much time has passed?

Years.

Get therapy. Sounds like you may also suffer from low self esteem if you are still “in love” with someone that doesn’t treat you right.