Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for trying, OP and PP, but this is an argument for Judaism to continue to depend on matrinineal descent. Mothers are the primary transmitters of culture to their children. Raise your children in your own culture and invite your husband's to step up if they can be bothered.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

I like the electric menorah idea! I’ll look into that.

I guess I’m annoyed at my DH - like, celebrating Jewish holidays is SO important but you can’t be bothered to light the candle every night? It confuses my kids too, to tell their friends they celebrate Hanukkah but only kind of.

Ugh. I hate to have to be the one who takes the lead on a holiday that isn’t even part of my tradition.

Maybe this thread should be moved to the relationship forum. (Not really, but I guess this is more of a marriage issue than a religion issue).

You should totally sign up for PJ Library - free Jewish books for kids.
https://pjlibrary.org/home?gclid=Cj0KCQiA-qGNBhD3ARIsAO_o7ykApWsHBzqWLy5bNyBah3hyd620UFiO2eh7uOvjn35F9OLPeGi1OF4aAiNtEALw_wcB

I’m from the first page - half Jew - married a Jew who said he wants us to raise our kids Jewish. I said fine but yes somehow I’m the one that’s like - I want us to join a synagogue so they have other Jewish friends etc. it is annoying.

That’s unfair. I am a non-Jewish mother but I am the one doing Hannukah presentations in my kids’ schools and lighting the candles and taking my kids to Temple. DH can’t be bothered. Non-Jewish spouses can be strong advocates too.

I guess? And thank you. But how do we know you're getting it all right? Holiday celebrations are only part of a culture's worldview. And any shul that calls itself a "temple" is already pretty weak on transmitting richer cultural heritage.

There are plenty of ways to celebrate Judaism. What makes your way the right way? Ironically the Jewish mothers I know celebrate Christmas too. You sound rather hateful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for trying, OP and PP, but this is an argument for Judaism to continue to depend on matrinineal descent. Mothers are the primary transmitters of culture to their children. Raise your children in your own culture and invite your husband's to step up if they can be bothered.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

I like the electric menorah idea! I’ll look into that.

I guess I’m annoyed at my DH - like, celebrating Jewish holidays is SO important but you can’t be bothered to light the candle every night? It confuses my kids too, to tell their friends they celebrate Hanukkah but only kind of.

Ugh. I hate to have to be the one who takes the lead on a holiday that isn’t even part of my tradition.

Maybe this thread should be moved to the relationship forum. (Not really, but I guess this is more of a marriage issue than a religion issue).

You should totally sign up for PJ Library - free Jewish books for kids.
https://pjlibrary.org/home?gclid=Cj0KCQiA-qGNBhD3ARIsAO_o7ykApWsHBzqWLy5bNyBah3hyd620UFiO2eh7uOvjn35F9OLPeGi1OF4aAiNtEALw_wcB

I’m from the first page - half Jew - married a Jew who said he wants us to raise our kids Jewish. I said fine but yes somehow I’m the one that’s like - I want us to join a synagogue so they have other Jewish friends etc. it is annoying.

That’s unfair. I am a non-Jewish mother but I am the one doing Hannukah presentations in my kids’ schools and lighting the candles and taking my kids to Temple. DH can’t be bothered. Non-Jewish spouses can be strong advocates too.

I guess? And thank you. But how do we know you're getting it all right? Holiday celebrations are only part of a culture's worldview. And any shul that calls itself a "temple" is already pretty weak on transmitting richer cultural heritage.

NP but OMG PP - what is your issue here? You do realize that the official names of shuls are "Temple XXX", right? And that there is no one way of doing anything? How on earth do you expect the Jewish faith to survive without non-Jew allies and supporters? Do you realize that sometimes those allies and supporters convert to Judaism? Way to be welcoming and inclusive.

To all the non-Jew parents teaching children Jewish traditions - thank you!

After all, Hanukkah is not really about candles and presents. It's about maintaining tradition in the face of pressure to assimilate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for trying, OP and PP, but this is an argument for Judaism to continue to depend on matrinineal descent. Mothers are the primary transmitters of culture to their children. Raise your children in your own culture and invite your husband's to step up if they can be bothered.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

I like the electric menorah idea! I’ll look into that.

I guess I’m annoyed at my DH - like, celebrating Jewish holidays is SO important but you can’t be bothered to light the candle every night? It confuses my kids too, to tell their friends they celebrate Hanukkah but only kind of.

Ugh. I hate to have to be the one who takes the lead on a holiday that isn’t even part of my tradition.

Maybe this thread should be moved to the relationship forum. (Not really, but I guess this is more of a marriage issue than a religion issue).

You should totally sign up for PJ Library - free Jewish books for kids.
https://pjlibrary.org/home?gclid=Cj0KCQiA-qGNBhD3ARIsAO_o7ykApWsHBzqWLy5bNyBah3hyd620UFiO2eh7uOvjn35F9OLPeGi1OF4aAiNtEALw_wcB

I’m from the first page - half Jew - married a Jew who said he wants us to raise our kids Jewish. I said fine but yes somehow I’m the one that’s like - I want us to join a synagogue so they have other Jewish friends etc. it is annoying.

That’s unfair. I am a non-Jewish mother but I am the one doing Hannukah presentations in my kids’ schools and lighting the candles and taking my kids to Temple. DH can’t be bothered. Non-Jewish spouses can be strong advocates too.

I guess? And thank you. But how do we know you're getting it all right? Holiday celebrations are only part of a culture's worldview. And any shul that calls itself a "temple" is already pretty weak on transmitting richer cultural heritage.

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for trying, OP and PP, but this is an argument for Judaism to continue to depend on matrinineal descent. Mothers are the primary transmitters of culture to their children. Raise your children in your own culture and invite your husband's to step up if they can be bothered.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

I like the electric menorah idea! I’ll look into that.

I guess I’m annoyed at my DH - like, celebrating Jewish holidays is SO important but you can’t be bothered to light the candle every night? It confuses my kids too, to tell their friends they celebrate Hanukkah but only kind of.

Ugh. I hate to have to be the one who takes the lead on a holiday that isn’t even part of my tradition.

Maybe this thread should be moved to the relationship forum. (Not really, but I guess this is more of a marriage issue than a religion issue).

You should totally sign up for PJ Library - free Jewish books for kids.
https://pjlibrary.org/home?gclid=Cj0KCQiA-qGNBhD3ARIsAO_o7ykApWsHBzqWLy5bNyBah3hyd620UFiO2eh7uOvjn35F9OLPeGi1OF4aAiNtEALw_wcB

I’m from the first page - half Jew - married a Jew who said he wants us to raise our kids Jewish. I said fine but yes somehow I’m the one that’s like - I want us to join a synagogue so they have other Jewish friends etc. it is annoying.

That’s unfair. I am a non-Jewish mother but I am the one doing Hannukah presentations in my kids’ schools and lighting the candles and taking my kids to Temple. DH can’t be bothered. Non-Jewish spouses can be strong advocates too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We do every night. It is a special tradition in our household. We light candles with the prayers. Then we sing a bunch of Chanukah songs afterwards. Some nights we give presents, though this year each kid just gets one gift for the whole holiday. It's nice to establish traditions for the children to look forward to, especially if your husband wants your kids to positively associate with Judaism. This is one of the least religious holidays so I am not sure why your husband can't muster up the energy to at least observe this one holiday, which happens to be a fun one. Maybe it isn't so important to him to have his children identify positively with Judaism. I don't know. He can do whatever he wants. I guess something is better than nothing. Yes. I am judging him.

Nasty

It's just honest. It sounds like OP is judging him, too, actually, and she's not even Jewish. A big part of it is that he is claiming something matters to him but not bothering to put the effort in. That's judgment worthy! Plus it sounds like he's putting OP, who isn't even Jewish, in the position of trying to carry on this tradition, simply because he's too lazy to figure out how to make it work.

My DH is often the same way. He'll want some tradition from his childhood to be passed on to our kid, but he'll just mention it in passing and then be disappointed if I don't make it happen. Sometimes he'll mention something that sounds great to me and I'll do it, but if it's not something I care about I don't. That's on him. Men are so freaking passive and lazy about stuff like this. If something matters to you, act like it!

I'm culturally Jewish. When my DD was younger I just did a few nights. Now that she is older (5) I do it every night. I sing a quick song/prayer. We also do a bigger celabratory night with extended family where we do latkes, dreidel game.

Thanks for trying, OP and PP, but this is an argument for Judaism to continue to depend on matrinineal descent. Mothers are the primary transmitters of culture to their children. Raise your children in your own culture and invite your husband's to step up if they can be bothered.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

I like the electric menorah idea! I’ll look into that.

I guess I’m annoyed at my DH - like, celebrating Jewish holidays is SO important but you can’t be bothered to light the candle every night? It confuses my kids too, to tell their friends they celebrate Hanukkah but only kind of.

Ugh. I hate to have to be the one who takes the lead on a holiday that isn’t even part of my tradition.

Maybe this thread should be moved to the relationship forum. (Not really, but I guess this is more of a marriage issue than a religion issue).

You should totally sign up for PJ Library - free Jewish books for kids.
https://pjlibrary.org/home?gclid=Cj0KCQiA-qGNBhD3ARIsAO_o7ykApWsHBzqWLy5bNyBah3hyd620UFiO2eh7uOvjn35F9OLPeGi1OF4aAiNtEALw_wcB

I’m from the first page - half Jew - married a Jew who said he wants us to raise our kids Jewish. I said fine but yes somehow I’m the one that’s like - I want us to join a synagogue so they have other Jewish friends etc. it is annoying.

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

I like the electric menorah idea! I’ll look into that.

I guess I’m annoyed at my DH - like, celebrating Jewish holidays is SO important but you can’t be bothered to light the candle every night? It confuses my kids too, to tell their friends they celebrate Hanukkah but only kind of.

Ugh. I hate to have to be the one who takes the lead on a holiday that isn’t even part of my tradition.

Maybe this thread should be moved to the relationship forum. (Not really, but I guess this is more of a marriage issue than a religion issue).

You should totally sign up for PJ Library - free Jewish books for kids.
https://pjlibrary.org/home?gclid=Cj0KCQiA-qGNBhD3ARIsAO_o7ykApWsHBzqWLy5bNyBah3hyd620UFiO2eh7uOvjn35F9OLPeGi1OF4aAiNtEALw_wcB

I’m from the first page - half Jew - married a Jew who said he wants us to raise our kids Jewish. I said fine but yes somehow I’m the one that’s like - I want us to join a synagogue so they have other Jewish friends etc. it is annoying.

Do it during dinner...whenever that is. It should not interfere with bedtime. Lighting the candles takes 1 minute. Buy some frozen TJ latkes and or some donuts. My kids also still like to alternative picking the colors for the night.

Op here.

I like the electric menorah idea! I’ll look into that.

I guess I’m annoyed at my DH - like, celebrating Jewish holidays is SO important but you can’t be bothered to light the candle every night? It confuses my kids too, to tell their friends they celebrate Hanukkah but only kind of.

Ugh. I hate to have to be the one who takes the lead on a holiday that isn’t even part of my tradition.

Maybe this thread should be moved to the relationship forum. (Not really, but I guess this is more of a marriage issue than a religion issue).

Anonymous wrote:You could get an electric menorah for the years when your kids are young and evenings are really hard. That way you skip adding the candles, and lighting a match, and just have a quick moment to say the prayer, bask in the glow of something pretty and say 'Happy Hanukah' to help create some positive association for your kids to their Jewish side. it's halfway over already, so hurry up if so

This sounds like a nice compromise!

OP can you print the prayer to say? I'm not sure if you say it before of after lighting, or if it's every night. But I remember there being one.

Anonymous wrote:We do every night. It is a special tradition in our household. We light candles with the prayers. Then we sing a bunch of Chanukah songs afterwards. Some nights we give presents, though this year each kid just gets one gift for the whole holiday. It's nice to establish traditions for the children to look forward to, especially if your husband wants your kids to positively associate with Judaism. This is one of the least religious holidays so I am not sure why your husband can't muster up the energy to at least observe this one holiday, which happens to be a fun one. Maybe it isn't so important to him to have his children identify positively with Judaism. I don't know. He can do whatever he wants. I guess something is better than nothing. Yes. I am judging him.

Nasty

I'm judging too, sadly. At this point, it hardly matters what your household does. "From generation to generation" is clearly gone on every front. Chain broken.