My mother will insist anyone who maintains a very trim figure is anorexic. She often joke she wishes anorexia were contagious.

Some of our relatives have married people from other cultures. She will make comments about sometimes that results in quite beautiful and exotic looking offspring, other times "just ugly mutts." I shut that down.

I have actually wondered in adulthood if my mother might be slightly toward lesbian on the spectrum of sexuality because she will gush about a young woman's beauty as though she has a girl crush. She becomes enamored and will attribute all sorts of personal qualities to a person who is physically attractive. One woman she did this with was truly an entitled princess, but my mother only saw her as having all these wonderful traits simply because she was unusually pretty.

My grandmother extends her criticism to dogs as well, which I learned about recently. She told me on the phone that my sister’s dog had really put on weight. She said it in her usual judgmental tone. The dog in question had grown from a puppy to a normal-sized dog. She’s 91.

Anonymous wrote:My mother will go to an extended family Thanksgiving with people she doesn't even like or have any relationship with just so she can see who gained weight, who got plastic surgery, who let herself go, who dresses well and who got a new hairdo. This gives her something to chat about for weeks.

Yep. This is mine too.

Yes! She's 80 years old. She's smart, she's a feminist, and she has a PhD in organic chemistry. She also told me that I'm getting borderline obese - I'm 5'7 and went from 125 to 135 lbs. and I'm almost 50 years old. I think it's the culture and generation; we're European and her generation is obsessed with weight. Her expectation is Jennifer Aniston after age 50 and Danielle Steel or Carolina Herrera after 75. She LOVES Jennifer Aniston.

All. The. Time. "Ugly," "unattractive," and "hideous" are words in common rotation. I feel sorry for her that she has such a depressing script running through her head constantly. She is very unpleasant company.

My mother will go to an extended family Thanksgiving with people she doesn't even like or have any relationship with just so she can see who gained weight, who got plastic surgery, who let herself go, who dresses well and who got a new hairdo. This gives her something to chat about for weeks.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think I’ve ever heard my mom comment on another woman’s body. When I was in middle school and ballooned up to 160lbs / size 12 I asked her if she thought I was fat and she said so gently, “How do you feel? If you want to get healthier I will help you.” And the next day took me shopping for bigger pants and never made a single comment about my weight. I was back down to the 130s by high school and have stayed that weight ever since, but I will always love my mom so deeply for never making my body or size a “thing.” FWIW she’ll be 70 next year and is petite and cute but never one to focus on appearance (colors her hair at home from a box and always has, for example).

Lucky you. When I gained the freshman 15 my mother began crying when she saw me. I asked her what was making her cry..she replied that it was the size of my butt and the loss of my tiny waist. I was still normal weight for goodness sake.

Anonymous wrote:Yes but my mother also comments on men and children, and also focuses a LOT on weight. Also, she judges all the women wearing too much makeup and looking "slutty."

No, we don't really talk much anymore.

This - the focus was on veiled (or not very veiled) digs at a woman’s sexuality (skirts too short, too much makeup, etc). I too would love to find it simply annoying; instead I find it dystopian level depressing.

Yes.

Yes.

I don’t think I’ve ever heard my mom comment on another woman’s body. When I was in middle school and ballooned up to 160lbs / size 12 I asked her if she thought I was fat and she said so gently, “How do you feel? If you want to get healthier I will help you.” And the next day took me shopping for bigger pants and never made a single comment about my weight. I was back down to the 130s by high school and have stayed that weight ever since, but I will always love my mom so deeply for never making my body or size a “thing.” FWIW she’ll be 70 next year and is petite and cute but never one to focus on appearance (colors her hair at home from a box and always has, for example).

Yes but my mother also comments on men and children, and also focuses a LOT on weight. Also, she judges all the women wearing too much makeup and looking "slutty."

No, we don't really talk much anymore.

Anonymous wrote:My mother does this too!! She's 76. I've been hearing about appearances (including mine-usually not in a positive way) my whole life. She mainly does this in regards to women but will comment on men as well. I have also asked her not to do it but she continues...it's really annoying.

I'm the PP that wrote this-I forgot to add that my mother used to talk about my friends' appearances even when we were all little girls. Things that were really mean and weird in retrospect (I remember her always talking about how she couldn't understand how one of my friends was "homely" because both of her parents were "so attractive"). Who talks like that to their own child about another child?

Both my mother and MIL do this, but not as blatantly as yours. That generation was raised to believe a woman's appearance was her stock in trade.

My mother does this too!! She's 76. I've been hearing about appearances (including mine-usually not in a positive way) my whole life. She mainly does this in regards to women but will comment on men as well. I have also asked her not to do it but she continues...it's really annoying.