Anonymous
11/27/2021 20:42
Subject: Envious of these types of people
OP, don’t be judgmental. Be grateful.
Anonymous
11/27/2021 20:38
Subject: Envious of these types of people
Anonymous wrote:So this is pretty high school and embarrassing to admit so I’m only saying so on an anonymous forum. My SIL and her husband are, what I have come to describe half-jokingly as “tier 1” people. They seem to check off all the SES markers and physical and intellectual attributes that would put them in the spot if there was a social hierarchy. For starters, they’re both beautiful physically. High school and college athletes, they are naturally blessed with good sporty genes and are very good looking. They’re fit, run races and workout intensely every day as if it’s as normal as brushing your teeth. They are also stunningly well dressed with carefully coordinated outfits and expensive clothes. They have the right brand of luxury cars you’d expect in their expensive neighborhood in just the right zip code. They have a tasteful but expensive home in a coveted neighborhood which they’ve outfitted beautifully with the help of interior designers. They of course also earn a handsome income working in finance although SIL will soon be a SAHM upon the birth of their first child.
Meanwhile, my husband is the exact opposite of his hyper perfect sister. He is laid back, jeans and T shirt guy who doesn’t know the difference between Tiffany’s and Kay Jewelers. He doesn’t work out, eats what he wants and works for himself although quite successfully. I too am very laidback, no makeup type of woman and although I try to be active, I have never been athletic and loathe working out. I really want a nice house too and love nice things but it’s hard to be picky when you’re financially strapped. I’m spending a weekend with this couple, for the first time in my life I realized, I’m not a “first tier” person. I’m painfully average.
So basically he's a paunchy loser with an unattractive dad bod?
Yep. I dont get why women marry these disasters and then are so miserable with them. These men look and act like garbage and bring no value to a relationship. What's the point??
Anonymous
11/27/2021 20:23
Subject: Envious of these types of people
We’re exactly this type of couple, OP. Two former athletes and high achievers who met at Harvard Business School. Attractive and have done very well professionally. (Well enough that I don’t even think about our income anymore, just our net worth. We’re mid 30s and worth several million.)
What I can tell you is that we’re all just born this way/different. DH and I are high energy and super disciplined. It’s just naturally who we are. We have plenty of Type B (or less Type A friends) and I am often annoyed and fascinated by them. What do you mean it’s the Tuesday before thanksgiving and you haven’t planned out your oven schedule yet?! Get. It. Together! Oh wow, you took that disappointment so well - wish I were as cool as a cucumber like you.
So know that these people are not superior to you. And they’re not inferior to you either. Just simply different.
What I can tell you is that we’re all just born this way/different. DH and I are high energy and super disciplined. It’s just naturally who we are. We have plenty of Type B (or less Type A friends) and I am often annoyed and fascinated by them. What do you mean it’s the Tuesday before thanksgiving and you haven’t planned out your oven schedule yet?! Get. It. Together! Oh wow, you took that disappointment so well - wish I were as cool as a cucumber like you.
So know that these people are not superior to you. And they’re not inferior to you either. Just simply different.
Anonymous
11/27/2021 19:49
Subject: Re:Envious of these types of people
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It's not that hard for most young & well-off couples to present like that OP. Just wait until kids come rolling around.
What would be truly amazing is if they still presented that way in middle age with multiple kids.
Most of the people I knew who were like this before kids are still this way. None have let themselves go the way the people who didn't have it all together before did. It's not that rare in circles like this. When you have enough money you can outsource a lot of the work so there's plenty of time to stay in shape, eat well, decorate well, etc. They aren't going to get the comeuppance you are hoping for.
I wasn't the person that posted this -- you are correct about outsourcing a lot of childcare and keeping it up! However, being raised by the nanny and housekeeper are a lot different than being raised by a present mom/dad. The kids might turn out fine. But higher probability that they do not. And that goes for just about any SES class.
+1
That was the point- kids are the real coin toss that none of us have any control of.
Sure money solves many problems in life, but is it rare that we see examples of unmotivated/ entitled/ not particularly bright or athletic/ normal looking kids from star couples?
Sounds like the point PP was trying to make was that the parents will be fat with a messy house, ie the "way they present" which says nothing of the actual kids. The people I know who are like this only have kids in high school but so far, there too, the kids are doing well and over achievers. They just aren't going to be easily knocked down a few pegs in some karmic reckoning.
Anonymous
11/27/2021 19:13
Subject: Envious of these types of people
Anonymous wrote:They sound exhausting but likely fun to be around in small doses.
Op I will never be the person who gets it together to do or send or post or mount family photos- people that do- cool- but it’s too much work for me.
If you really wanted to do all that crap, you could. You clearly don’t. Don’t be mad/sad/jealous for them or you.
+1
There are high energy people, and there are low energy people. You are low energy OP, and that is ok, high energy people have nothing to do with you.
High energy people are born differently, and that is okay too. You won't change them by criticizing them. You need to decide what makes you happy, and you do you - let them do them, in peace.
Anonymous
11/27/2021 19:00
Subject: Re:Envious of these types of people
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It's not that hard for most young & well-off couples to present like that OP. Just wait until kids come rolling around.
What would be truly amazing is if they still presented that way in middle age with multiple kids.
Most of the people I knew who were like this before kids are still this way. None have let themselves go the way the people who didn't have it all together before did. It's not that rare in circles like this. When you have enough money you can outsource a lot of the work so there's plenty of time to stay in shape, eat well, decorate well, etc. They aren't going to get the comeuppance you are hoping for.
I wasn't the person that posted this -- you are correct about outsourcing a lot of childcare and keeping it up! However, being raised by the nanny and housekeeper are a lot different than being raised by a present mom/dad. The kids might turn out fine. But higher probability that they do not. And that goes for just about any SES class.
+1
That was the point- kids are the real coin toss that none of us have any control of.
Sure money solves many problems in life, but is it rare that we see examples of unmotivated/ entitled/ not particularly bright or athletic/ normal looking kids from star couples?
Anonymous
11/27/2021 18:46
Subject: Re:Envious of these types of people
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It's not that hard for most young & well-off couples to present like that OP. Just wait until kids come rolling around.
What would be truly amazing is if they still presented that way in middle age with multiple kids.
Most of the people I knew who were like this before kids are still this way. None have let themselves go the way the people who didn't have it all together before did. It's not that rare in circles like this. When you have enough money you can outsource a lot of the work so there's plenty of time to stay in shape, eat well, decorate well, etc. They aren't going to get the comeuppance you are hoping for.
I wasn't the person that posted this -- you are correct about outsourcing a lot of childcare and keeping it up! However, being raised by the nanny and housekeeper are a lot different than being raised by a present mom/dad. The kids might turn out fine. But higher probability that they do not. And that goes for just about any SES class.
Anonymous
11/27/2021 17:31
Subject: Re:Envious of these types of people
Anonymous wrote:It's not that hard for most young & well-off couples to present like that OP. Just wait until kids come rolling around.
What would be truly amazing is if they still presented that way in middle age with multiple kids.
Most of the people I knew who were like this before kids are still this way. None have let themselves go the way the people who didn't have it all together before did. It's not that rare in circles like this. When you have enough money you can outsource a lot of the work so there's plenty of time to stay in shape, eat well, decorate well, etc. They aren't going to get the comeuppance you are hoping for.
Anonymous
11/27/2021 17:25
Subject: Envious of these types of people
Who cares what others do? You do you.
Anonymous
11/27/2021 17:03
Subject: Envious of these types of people
Being like them sounds awfully stressful and exhausting. Plus, you said nothing about their relationship. Imagine him more worried about his appearance than loving his wife, who knows. Maybe he is controlling and has OCD. All that glitters isn't gold.
Anonymous
11/27/2021 17:00
Subject: Envious of these types of people
They sound exhausting but likely fun to be around in small doses.
Op I will never be the person who gets it together to do or send or post or mount family photos- people that do- cool- but it’s too much work for me.
If you really wanted to do all that crap, you could. You clearly don’t. Don’t be mad/sad/jealous for them or you.
Op I will never be the person who gets it together to do or send or post or mount family photos- people that do- cool- but it’s too much work for me.
If you really wanted to do all that crap, you could. You clearly don’t. Don’t be mad/sad/jealous for them or you.
Anonymous
11/27/2021 16:45
Subject: Re:Envious of these types of people
It's not that hard for most young & well-off couples to present like that OP. Just wait until kids come rolling around.
What would be truly amazing is if they still presented that way in middle age with multiple kids.
What would be truly amazing is if they still presented that way in middle age with multiple kids.
Anonymous
11/27/2021 16:43
Subject: Re:Envious of these types of people
I live surrounded by many of these types of people, who have very organized and lovely lives. And it is on the surface of it, lovely. But it is also a great deal of work. It comes more effortlessly to some but it is still a lot of work. Most of them will have great careers that also involve very long hours. I am certainly not judging it because they are my neighbors and friends but they wanted a certain lifestyle and they worked for it. They put a lot of effort into their houses and their public perception. That most of them were athletes in high school and college doesn't surprise me at all because athletics teaches you discipline and hard work and endurance.
If you don't have the energy or endurance, that's fine. There's no moral judgment here. Just different kinds of people. There's too much judging and resentment these days and willful belief that somehow fortunate people have everything handed to them on a platter. The reality is that most of them worked very hard for it and made very conscious decisions.
If you don't have the energy or endurance, that's fine. There's no moral judgment here. Just different kinds of people. There's too much judging and resentment these days and willful belief that somehow fortunate people have everything handed to them on a platter. The reality is that most of them worked very hard for it and made very conscious decisions.
Anonymous
11/27/2021 16:40
Subject: Envious of these types of people
They sound like exhausting strivers OP. I have a similar dynamic in my family; they can exhaust themselves striving all they want to, and if they enjoy it, good for them. I prefer not to.
Anonymous
11/27/2021 16:36
Subject: Re:Envious of these types of people
Stop focusing on what you don’t have and focus on what you have. Be grateful for what you have and confident in your ability to get what you want.