Anonymous
11/28/2021 22:04
Subject: Re:If your 3rd child was an oops baby.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, have you considered adoption? I know someone who adopted a baby from someone who didn't want a third child or an abortion.
NP but I feel like adoption would be really hard to explain to her older kids?
Just explain that they couldn't keep the baby because it was too expensive but the baby went to a loving, caring family. Maybe keep the adoption semi-open so the kids can kind of know their sibling. Or don't tell until they're older, from what I've read they seem kind of young.
Right, easy-peasy!
I'm not saying adoption is easy (I've adopted a child, I know how hard adoption is), I'm saying it's an option.
Your posts show you do not understand how hard adoption can be. Not even a little bit. The level of tone deaf indifference and failure to see beyond your own needs is worrisome. Your attitude is everything that’s wrong with adoption.
Anonymous
11/28/2021 21:59
Subject: Re:If your 3rd child was an oops baby.
Anonymous wrote:OP, have you considered adoption? I know someone who adopted a baby from someone who didn't want a third child or an abortion.
Go away. You’re ridiculous. No adult woman with children is going to give up her third child for adoption. Get over yourself.
Anonymous
11/28/2021 21:55
Subject: If your 3rd child was an oops baby.
Hi op, I'm not the person you're looking for because I was in your shoes recently and did terminate the pregnancy for all of the reasons you mentioned feeling anxious about. BUT, while I have no regrets, I also know that raising a third in your shoes is doable. I've since become way more attuned to the families "like mine" but with a third. They seem exhausted, overwhelmed, but also alright. Prepare yourself for a slog but expect long term happiness. You can probably fit in your current home for longer than you think (we're in an 800sq ft 2 bedroom and still considered it doable for a couple more years of needed) and it seems like the car situation can be worked out. How old are your older two? Good luck, you'll get through this and probably be like all the other posters I over analyzed last year who said it was hard but you make it work and it's worth it all.
Anonymous
11/28/2021 21:23
Subject: Re:If your 3rd child was an oops baby.
Anonymous wrote:Get a great nanny and a previously-owned bigger car.
Yes, our third was a surprise in timing. I never said I was done after two kids but I certainly did not expect to get pregnant 3 months post partum and exclusively breastfeeding (without a period). We hired a great nanny and that’s made all the difference. Because of the nanny going from two to three was easier than from one to two.
My third is a sweetheart, btw. My cuddliest and sweetest baby ever. At 12 months now she takes my face in her hands and gives me a kiss, then signs “more” and kisses me again! Her brother makes up songs about how much he loves her and the two year old is constantly giving her things and telling me what she needs or is feeling! DH says it’s like watching a box of kittens play!
Sure, it’s exhausting even with nanny but it’s also pretty great!
Do you think someone who considered aborting a third because of the balance between life and work has tons of money to throw at a "great nanny?" I'm guessing not. This reads as incredibly tone deaf.
Anonymous
11/28/2021 18:09
Subject: Re:If your 3rd child was an oops baby.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, have you considered adoption? I know someone who adopted a baby from someone who didn't want a third child or an abortion.
NP but I feel like adoption would be really hard to explain to her older kids?
Just explain that they couldn't keep the baby because it was too expensive but the baby went to a loving, caring family. Maybe keep the adoption semi-open so the kids can kind of know their sibling. Or don't tell until they're older, from what I've read they seem kind of young.
Right, easy-peasy!
I'm not saying adoption is easy (I've adopted a child, I know how hard adoption is), I'm saying it's an option.
Anonymous
11/28/2021 13:53
Subject: Re:If your 3rd child was an oops baby.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, have you considered adoption? I know someone who adopted a baby from someone who didn't want a third child or an abortion.
NP but I feel like adoption would be really hard to explain to her older kids?
Just explain that they couldn't keep the baby because it was too expensive but the baby went to a loving, caring family. Maybe keep the adoption semi-open so the kids can kind of know their sibling. Or don't tell until they're older, from what I've read they seem kind of young.
Right, easy-peasy!
Anonymous
11/28/2021 13:19
Subject: If your 3rd child was an oops baby.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I have 3: DD8, DD6 and DS 2.5 (3 in March).
It’s hard. It was easier when our son was younger. He is an handful (much more than his sisters were at his age). I feel guilty we can’t afford activities for him right now (money and time). He is in private school and has a nanny so he is well cared for, but we have less time and energy to dedicate to him. We are tighter financially because all kids are in private school and we have to make sacrifices to make it work.
That said, our life is full and great. Our kids are amazing (even our boy who is smart like a whip. We are tired, but in a good way, we are worried, but in a good way. I don’t know how to explain it other than saying that I feel so lucky to have these 3 amazing and healthy kids (that are not perfect, but are awesome) and an awesome husband. We have a beautiful house and we spend a lot of time together.
I feel very very rich
You are very rich if you have three kids in private school AND a nanny. Never change DCUM.
What is your issue here?
Anonymous
11/27/2021 21:17
Subject: If your 3rd child was an oops baby.
I had a surprise 3rd when my twins were 3. I was dreading his arrival through my pregnancy (hate pregnancy anyway, was miserable the whole time both times, so that didn’t help my mood). I was so worried about it messing up my relationship with my older kids. It has been hard. My husband spend a lot more time with them, while I generally manage the third, now 3. He’s challenging and I have more patience. My life is exhausting. However I love him and enjoy my life and wouldn’t change things if I could go back. I just accept that life is hard now and hope it will be better soon! Also I fit 3 car seats in a Ford Focus and in “compact” rental cars. Just google narrowest seats.
Anonymous
11/27/2021 21:10
Subject: Re:If your 3rd child was an oops baby.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, have you considered adoption? I know someone who adopted a baby from someone who didn't want a third child or an abortion.
NP but I feel like adoption would be really hard to explain to her older kids?
Just explain that they couldn't keep the baby because it was too expensive but the baby went to a loving, caring family. Maybe keep the adoption semi-open so the kids can kind of know their sibling. Or don't tell until they're older, from what I've read they seem kind of young.
OMG. I hope you are joking, but in case you're not, don't ever ever ever ever ever say this.
Well, what would you say?
Have a strong feeling what she'd tell her other kids are the least of OP's concerns regarding adoption.
Anonymous
11/27/2021 21:08
Subject: If your 3rd child was an oops baby.
Anonymous wrote:I have 3: DD8, DD6 and DS 2.5 (3 in March).
It’s hard. It was easier when our son was younger. He is an handful (much more than his sisters were at his age). I feel guilty we can’t afford activities for him right now (money and time). He is in private school and has a nanny so he is well cared for, but we have less time and energy to dedicate to him. We are tighter financially because all kids are in private school and we have to make sacrifices to make it work.
That said, our life is full and great. Our kids are amazing (even our boy who is smart like a whip. We are tired, but in a good way, we are worried, but in a good way. I don’t know how to explain it other than saying that I feel so lucky to have these 3 amazing and healthy kids (that are not perfect, but are awesome) and an awesome husband. We have a beautiful house and we spend a lot of time together.
I feel very very rich
You are very rich if you have three kids in private school AND a nanny. Never change DCUM.
Anonymous
11/27/2021 21:05
Subject: If your 3rd child was an oops baby.
Had the craziest oops third. Weeks after major surgery. We lived in a condo with tiny car. He’s now almost 5 and we have a 4th. Our third brought Us closer together and forced us to make some important decisions. You can totally handle it
Anonymous
11/27/2021 20:52
Subject: If your 3rd child was an oops baby.
Anonymous wrote:I have 3: DD8, DD6 and DS 2.5 (3 in March).
It’s hard. It was easier when our son was younger. He is an handful (much more than his sisters were at his age). I feel guilty we can’t afford activities for him right now (money and time). He is in private school and has a nanny so he is well cared for, but we have less time and energy to dedicate to him. We are tighter financially because all kids are in private school and we have to make sacrifices to make it work.
That said, our life is full and great. Our kids are amazing (even our boy who is smart like a whip. We are tired, but in a good way, we are worried, but in a good way. I don’t know how to explain it other than saying that I feel so lucky to have these 3 amazing and healthy kids (that are not perfect, but are awesome) and an awesome husband. We have a beautiful house and we spend a lot of time together.
I feel very very rich
Also, we bought a used minivan when I was pregnant with the third and moved to a bigger house when our little was 6 months old. The car was maybe 7k. I did briefly considered abortion with my third (I would never admit this to anyone other my DH), but it was never really on the table
Anonymous
11/27/2021 20:49
Subject: If your 3rd child was an oops baby.
I have 3: DD8, DD6 and DS 2.5 (3 in March).
It’s hard. It was easier when our son was younger. He is an handful (much more than his sisters were at his age). I feel guilty we can’t afford activities for him right now (money and time). He is in private school and has a nanny so he is well cared for, but we have less time and energy to dedicate to him. We are tighter financially because all kids are in private school and we have to make sacrifices to make it work.
That said, our life is full and great. Our kids are amazing (even our boy who is smart like a whip. We are tired, but in a good way, we are worried, but in a good way. I don’t know how to explain it other than saying that I feel so lucky to have these 3 amazing and healthy kids (that are not perfect, but are awesome) and an awesome husband. We have a beautiful house and we spend a lot of time together.
I feel very very rich
It’s hard. It was easier when our son was younger. He is an handful (much more than his sisters were at his age). I feel guilty we can’t afford activities for him right now (money and time). He is in private school and has a nanny so he is well cared for, but we have less time and energy to dedicate to him. We are tighter financially because all kids are in private school and we have to make sacrifices to make it work.
That said, our life is full and great. Our kids are amazing (even our boy who is smart like a whip. We are tired, but in a good way, we are worried, but in a good way. I don’t know how to explain it other than saying that I feel so lucky to have these 3 amazing and healthy kids (that are not perfect, but are awesome) and an awesome husband. We have a beautiful house and we spend a lot of time together.
I feel very very rich
Anonymous
11/27/2021 20:08
Subject: If your 3rd child was an oops baby.
We have 3 across in a leaf. If you research and buy the right seats, you can fit 3 across in almost any car.
And omg to the adoption posters….. It doesn’t sound like OP is impoverished to the point where she can’t take care of a 3rd child. Can you even imagine when her kids are in high school and realize their parents gave away their sibling bc of car seats and not wanting their kids to share a room?
And omg to the adoption posters….. It doesn’t sound like OP is impoverished to the point where she can’t take care of a 3rd child. Can you even imagine when her kids are in high school and realize their parents gave away their sibling bc of car seats and not wanting their kids to share a room?
Anonymous
11/27/2021 18:50
Subject: If your 3rd child was an oops baby.
I am a litigator and had three on purpose. Kids were five and three when baby was born. We have a Honda Civic and a small SUV with five seats. Two older still share a room by choice at ages nine and seven.
If you want this to work, it doesn’t need to change your whole life.
If you want this to work, it doesn’t need to change your whole life.