Yes, she’s really my closest friend. That’s not to say we din’t get into arguments. We actually can get into pretty heated arguments over nothing sometimes. We’re still each other’s closest friends.

I’m divorced and my new partner is definitely my best friend. He’s the one I laugh with the most, have the most in common with, and want to share everything with. Things are way more fun when he’s there. I never felt that way with my ex. We had interests and history in common but never a friendship at this level.

Anonymous wrote:Yes he’s my best friend, I am his.

There’s nothing uniquely spectacular about either of us. We are good, average people, who make each other better people. We laugh constantly and support each other 100%. There’s no cold shoulder, mean words, we even fight (differ of opinions) respectfully without being demeaning or yelling.

+ 1

The most important thing is that there is the deep trust that we will always support each other.

Yes, but I don’t feel that his best friend status is a substitute for female friendships. Solid, healthy bonds between women offer something a romantic relationship can’t provide, and I aspire to both.

Anonymous wrote:I’m dating someone now that I feel utterly comfortable with, who shares my sense of humor, who supports me in a way I have never been supported…but I don’t find him exceptionally inspirational. We laugh all the time, we can talk about anything, the sex is amazing, and I think he is adorable. Should I be concerned that there is no sense of deep admiration for his intellect, his curiosity, or his drive? He is a person that makes me feel deeply happy and myself. I’m a confused person, clearly. Thoughts? What attributes have others in successful long term relationships found to be most important?

That’s a question that you have to ask yourself. Do you have those qualities yourself, if so, are you looking for someone to be the same so you can enjoy those things with them, looking for someone to be supportive or looking for someone to be a balance in those areas? I’m a curious, practical person that likes stability after a chaotic childhood. I don’t know that an intellectual partner that wants to talk theory with me would be a good match. Nor would a driven, ambitious risk taker be a good match. Now my curiosity is an important part of who I am and it is important for someone to either be similarly curious or at a minimum not damper that aspect of my personality. It’s really the cliche that it doesn’t have to be the perfect person, but the perfect person for you. Who are you, and what fits who you are and what you need.

Anonymous wrote:Being “inspired” by my partner sounds exhausting. I’m entertained, supported, amused, turned on, interested, etc. etc. by him. But I’d hate to live with someone I was in awe of.

It's not just exhausting, it's plainly a juvenile mindset. And honestly seems like something taught in cult religions where the woman is supposed to be secondary to her husband and really any male.

Being in awe of another human being just doesn't sound very healthy

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, my siblings are, as is my childhood best friend. I met my husband in my mid twenties after several serious relationships in high school and college. I feel like while we had/have a lot in common, we didn’t have any transformative experiences together that left lasting impressions the same way I did with my other best friends, who I’ve basically known my whole life.

I’d your spouse isn’t your best friend, I’m not sure that you’re on the right track.

NP here, but I strongly disagree. I don't think there's anything wrong with your spouse not being your best friend or that your relationship is off. In fact, many times, where spouses claim best friendship or rather the women it's seldom the men it's codependency.

Anonymous wrote:Some aspects of best friendship. But not all. No one can be your everything

I have other wonderful friends that have been with me for years if not decades, but my husband is the best of all of them. He checks every box. I didn’t realize that I was in the minority until reading this post.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being “inspired” by my partner sounds exhausting. I’m entertained, supported, amused, turned on, interested, etc. etc. by him. But I’d hate to live with someone I was in awe of.

Agree to all of the above!

I'm inspired by his kindness, his generosity of spirit and his compassion. I'm not interested in being inspired by intellect. My DH is smart as hell and I'm impressed on the daily but he isn't a figure to look up to for me b.c we are equals.

I chose the emotional supportive guy. Your first marriage didn't work out. Maybe it's time for a change

+2. I would also say of my close friends, everyone has something that drew me to being friends but it’s not all the same thing and it’s not necessarily what I would look for in a romantic partner. One friend, I admire her directness, she is one of the two people I can go to when I need advice and am in a space that I can handle if it isn’t what I want to hear. With another friend, I like that she is structured but laid back - she has given me another perspective on certain situations with the kids. With someone else we have similar family background including a parent that is a hoarder - we can talk about it and not feel judged or shamed in a way that it’s difficult to have with other people. My friends are all smart and have a sense of humor - but not all the same type.

For spouse, I would also say his thoughtfulness is something that stood out. We’ve been together over 20 years and I would say we are now good friends, but it took spending time and being together to really get there and my DH wanting to hear about and talk about things. I’m not a believer in soul mates/one person destined to be with, however I can say after all this time, I can’t imagine anyone else that would fit me so well - same on the important things - values and sense of humor, different enough to balance each other without wanting to change the person.

Always thought so. But apparently I’m not.

Some aspects of best friendship. But not all. No one can be your everything