Most of my friends send their kids to language school on weekends. My DH and I both speak different languages and we have decided not to stress. If DC picks up our languages, great, if not that’s fine too.

OP, I am a couple of generations removed from this situation. We spoke only English in my household growing up but my father spoke only his native language until he went to school (in English), and he ultimately lost nearly all of the native language--he can understand it but he can't produce much of it.

I want to encourage you, though--our kid is 6 and has attended two years of immersion school in this language. And he is becoming quite adept in it. So I would say a. don't assume that your kids are past a window in which new language learning can occur relatively easily and b. even if you never introduce them to the language, don't worry too much--it may come back around in a generation or so. My dad loves to hear my kid speak.

Anonymous wrote:I am bilingual because my parents were immigrants and often talked to each other in their common language. I roll my eyes at a lot of this forced effort to make kids bilingual. Bring exposed to a big vocabulary and natural language patterns in a shared language (English or otherwise) is more important.

Totally disagree. As a child of an immigrant who did not speak to me in her native language - it was a missed opportunity. I wish my parents had undertaken the “forced” effort. There is a narrow window for kids to learn another language effortlessly and so much benefit to being bilingual. It is definitely worth dime mmm some effort on the part of parents!

I am bilingual because my parents were immigrants and often talked to each other in their common language. I roll my eyes at a lot of this forced effort to make kids bilingual. Bring exposed to a big vocabulary and natural language patterns in a shared language (English or otherwise) is more important.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Your DH doesn't need to speak your language for your children to be fluent. At 3 and 6, they should already be fluent in your language. Mine speak my language and DH (we speak different languages and do not understand the other). They learned English last. We never spoke to them in English starting at birth or when at home. Still don't. I don't know if it's too late, but I think you should try and be consistent.

So your family never speaks to each other in one common language? If you're all sitting around the dinner table, you and your child speak a language to each other--and your spouse has no idea what you're saying? Then your spouse will talk to your child in another language, and you have no idea what they are saying? You never have all 4 of you engaging in conversation together as a family?

We do this, and yes, we never have a true conversation. I speak to kid in my native language, dad talks to him in english only, i speak english to dad. I NEVER speak english when talking directly to the kid, but i can address both of them and say "you guys need to bluh-bluh", but then i usually say the same thing in my native language. Again - no one said this is all fun, you make trade-offs. My kid is 5 and is fully bilingual, and much more comfortable in my language.

So you aren't the person I quoted, who said that neither of them ever speak English to their kids, and they (the parents) don't speak/understand each other's native language?

This is what we do. I only speak my native language to the kids and DH only speaks his. We speak English with one another. I have to say that while we are not fluent in each other’s language, we both understand what the other is saying to the kids. If I am addressing kids and DH together, I do so in my own language. Basically, I never speak to my kids in anything but my own language… it would feel really weird to me to speak to them in English. It is really easy for me and never thought of it as “hard”…. Just normal…

Only negative is that kids did not learn English until later and were a bit behind their peers until K or so

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Your DH doesn't need to speak your language for your children to be fluent. At 3 and 6, they should already be fluent in your language. Mine speak my language and DH (we speak different languages and do not understand the other). They learned English last. We never spoke to them in English starting at birth or when at home. Still don't. I don't know if it's too late, but I think you should try and be consistent.

So your family never speaks to each other in one common language? If you're all sitting around the dinner table, you and your child speak a language to each other--and your spouse has no idea what you're saying? Then your spouse will talk to your child in another language, and you have no idea what they are saying? You never have all 4 of you engaging in conversation together as a family?

We do this, and yes, we never have a true conversation. I speak to kid in my native language, dad talks to him in english only, i speak english to dad. I NEVER speak english when talking directly to the kid, but i can address both of them and say "you guys need to bluh-bluh", but then i usually say the same thing in my native language. Again - no one said this is all fun, you make trade-offs. My kid is 5 and is fully bilingual, and much more comfortable in my language.

So you aren't the person I quoted, who said that neither of them ever speak English to their kids, and they (the parents) don't speak/understand each other's native language?

I’m struggling with this. I’m a single parent but I’m trying to remember to speak German to my 6mo old as much as possible. Although there is some forgetting - speaking in English and then remembering and saying the same thing in German. I was not raised bilingual (it was more controversial when I was growing up and I was late to speak) but my parents sent me to German school starting age 6 (took place on Saturdays) and I spent a year in high school in Germany. In any case my German isn’t perfect but I find it helpful when I call my relatives in Germany and facetime them in German with my child. I also read stories to my DC in German. Also my mother did sing German lullabies to me and I sing those to my child. I am planning to seek out other parents who speak German for German play dates, etc.

Most of the people I know have a parent who’s native language is the non English language and they speak that language to their child with their partner (who knows the language as a second language) also speaking it. I think that makes it easier …. Speaking it as much as possible is better than any formal lessons. Trust me we kids all hated German School 😂.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Your DH doesn't need to speak your language for your children to be fluent. At 3 and 6, they should already be fluent in your language. Mine speak my language and DH (we speak different languages and do not understand the other). They learned English last. We never spoke to them in English starting at birth or when at home. Still don't. I don't know if it's too late, but I think you should try and be consistent.

So your family never speaks to each other in one common language? If you're all sitting around the dinner table, you and your child speak a language to each other--and your spouse has no idea what you're saying? Then your spouse will talk to your child in another language, and you have no idea what they are saying? You never have all 4 of you engaging in conversation together as a family?

We do this, and yes, we never have a true conversation. I speak to kid in my native language, dad talks to him in english only, i speak english to dad. I NEVER speak english when talking directly to the kid, but i can address both of them and say "you guys need to bluh-bluh", but then i usually say the same thing in my native language. Again - no one said this is all fun, you make trade-offs. My kid is 5 and is fully bilingual, and much more comfortable in my language.

Anonymous wrote:We all have ideas about what we "should" be teaching our children, but then life takes over and you can't do it all. Just focus on creating well rounded good human beings. Another language early on is fantastic (even for kids with speech delays) but if it doesn't work for you in your family, it's ok. Just talk it them and love them.

This exactly. My child was very good in my native language until around 7 years old he refused to speak it. He understands some but refuses to speak.

Anonymous wrote:All of my friends have their children learning home language, and I feel terrible my children (3 and 6) only speaks and understands English.

I am trilingual and DH is bilingual. I can speak, write and understand my home language but I don’t know how to teach. Due to covid, all nearby learning school platforms are doing virtual, and not in person. I wish they can run in person, so I can enroll my kids immediately. Both of my children have mild speech disorder that doing weekly speech therapies, in English. That is my biggest reason why home language has not been introduced with full force by me when they were young. I don’t have confidence to teach to my American born children here. Many of my friends pay someone online to do virtual learning, should I copy them? But their children can speak and understand some before they started lessons, and my children are at ground zero level. My kid show zero interests as of now.

How does your children learn home language here, through parents, classes (virtual or physical), at will or by force?

We are a trilingual household (Russian, English, Arabic). We stick to the "one parent, one language" rule - the kids get Russian only from me, and Arabic only from him. It's hard and you have to find a childcare setup that conforms to your linguistic goals. Our kids were in a Russian language-only care until 1st grade - nanny+grandma first, immersion preschool next. English does invade once they start grade school so be prepared for this. Please do also understand this effort involves costs - most of all, in your time, effort, insistence, feeling of exclusion, and last on the list, financial. You are lucky you live in an area (assuming you are in DC/MD/VA) where we have lots of foreigners and lots of communities. You can get pretty much any material you want online in whatever language. We get regular book shipments from Russia and I've read to my kids until they were close to nine. The older two are fluent now, let's see what will happen to #3. They take Arabic online as we weren't able to find a good tutor in person.

If it's really important to you, just make a commitment and start. Languages for children need to be experienced rather than taught formally.

Children with speech delays and intellectual disability still can be bilingual, and still benefit from the exposure. Don’t let that be a reason not to pursue this if it’s something you otherwise want.

Any amount of exposure is beneficial to them. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

My kids speak the native language of our full time nanny, a language that I speak but only as a 2nd language and definitely not perfectly. She’s their only real exposure to the language but we are visiting her home country with her next year.

Anonymous wrote: Your DH doesn't need to speak your language for your children to be fluent. At 3 and 6, they should already be fluent in your language. Mine speak my language and DH (we speak different languages and do not understand the other). They learned English last. We never spoke to them in English starting at birth or when at home. Still don't. I don't know if it's too late, but I think you should try and be consistent.

So your family never speaks to each other in one common language? If you're all sitting around the dinner table, you and your child speak a language to each other--and your spouse has no idea what you're saying? Then your spouse will talk to your child in another language, and you have no idea what they are saying? You never have all 4 of you engaging in conversation together as a family?

my kids have learned quite a bit of french over skype. you don't have to have in-person lessons.

Your DH doesn't need to speak your language for your children to be fluent. At 3 and 6, they should already be fluent in your language. Mine speak my language and DH (we speak different languages and do not understand the other). They learned English last. We never spoke to them in English starting at birth or when at home. Still don't. I don't know if it's too late, but I think you should try and be consistent.

Anonymous wrote:My dd has been using DuoLingo to learn a new language. My sister speaks it a bit and will practice with her. I would try something like that to give them a bit of a foundation, and you can practice what they learn on there with them. I wouldn’t stress about formal instruction on it. Use something like the app to give them exposure. If they want to study it more seriously later on they can.

This. Raise decent humans and offer the opportunity. Good luck.