Anonymous wrote:Hello all,

Anyone have a family member or friend carry their baby and could share estimated cost? I know it would be cheaper versus going the agency route with someone you don’t know, but want to have a ball park difference. TIA

My friend’s ex- wife did it while they were married for a relative. They didn’t get paid out right but all costs for medical were covered plus maternity clothing and along the way they got some high end items as gifts. But as I said it was his ex wife bc the whole situation took a toll on their marriage and they eventually divorced. Turns out my friend was not as on board with the whole thing but went along bc his ex wife insisted and wanted to do it. So make sure if the person is married that they are taking their spouses feelings into consideration. Also my friend said his ex wife suffered pretty bad post partum depression even though she wasn’t taking care of the baby and that she hid this from everyone in public. She was way more sad about giving the baby over to the parents than they ever anticipated and it lasted quite a while. Every time they would go to a family get together and see the baby she would go into a deep depression for weeks and this lasted for the first couple of years.

Rosenberg jumped in at the last minute after the baby was born with many ridiculous demands. Fortunately my DH is a lawyer and told her to take a hike.

We did it. Our surrogate never told the hospital (why do that?) and that was a good thing because there were complications. Not serious for her but expensive. We bought the insurance for her. The surrogate gets the LEAST $$ of the whole adventure. So we paid her more. The lawyer got a big chunk. And I REALLY don’t recommend that sleaze bag Meryl.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our total cost was around $80,000 including the agency matching fee of $25,000. You won’t have to pay that but there will still be legal fees involved for the contract and the birth order naming you as the parents. The counseling sessions at the clinic will also cost you. If you are in the DMV area I would suggest getting a consultation with Jennifer Fairfax.

Could I ask which agency you used? We're looking into this process right now.

Meryl Rosenberg of ART Parenting in Potomac 3 years ago. But her website now says they are not currently accepting intended parents though she is available to consult. We also talked with Diane Hinton in Chevy Chase but they were significantly more expensive though they also offers more services.

Anonymous wrote:Our total cost was around $80,000 including the agency matching fee of $25,000. You won’t have to pay that but there will still be legal fees involved for the contract and the birth order naming you as the parents. The counseling sessions at the clinic will also cost you. If you are in the DMV area I would suggest getting a consultation with Jennifer Fairfax.

Could I ask which agency you used? We're looking into this process right now.

None. She had 2 already and went on to have another soon after. We live 5 hours away and she treats him like he's another kid in the extended family.

Anonymous wrote:My SIL carried for us, she just wanted to help with no strings attached. We paid for all medications, legal fees and hospital expenses.

Did she have any issues giving up the baby at birth? Did it effect your relationship with your family?

You will need an attorney to handle all the legal issues/paperwork. If she isn't looking for money, then its just covering her medical expenses. No need to go through an agency.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am OP. My SIL offered. She really wants to help us. I am just curious to know how much money would be saved. I am aware of the issues that can arise. Just trying to have s better understanding regarding costs. We wouldn’t be paying her and wouldn’t need an agency for matching, so trying to figure out the difference in cost.

Has she finished having her own children?

Yes. I am not sure we will go that route. There are pros/cons to using someone you know vs a stranger. We might try one more iVF transfer first.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our total cost was around $80,000 including the agency matching fee of $25,000. You won’t have to pay that but there will still be legal fees involved for the contract and the birth order naming you as the parents. The counseling sessions at the clinic will also cost you. If you are in the DMV area I would suggest getting a consultation with Jennifer Fairfax.

Did you find your own surrogate or did you use an agency to find one?

Agency.

What agency did you use? 80,000 is extremely low for what I am seeing!

Why is it low? This covers the agency fee, surrogate compensation and other random costs. We paid for the IVF and transfers separately.

Most of what I am seeing is closer to 150,000

Anonymous wrote:My SIL carried for us, she just wanted to help with no strings attached. We paid for all medications, legal fees and hospital expenses.

Also there was a one time counseling session.

I don't remember how much, just grateful to pay up whenever she asked.

My SIL carried for us, she just wanted to help with no strings attached. We paid for all medications, legal fees and hospital expenses.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you have to pay her. Maybe not as much as you would pay a stranger, but something. The clinics, lawyers, psychologists, etc. who are all REQUIRED to approve all of this are going to see it as a red flag if she's getting no compensation at all. Also, that might invalidate the contract (and no, you can't do this without a contract).

This is not true at all. I attempted (but ultimately didn’t succeed) in trying to have a friends child due to cancer and no fee was required. Lawyers fees, Doctors fees and mental evaluation were all that was required.