Anonymous wrote:All your comments as are so helpful. I'm rereading them and also exploring the book recommendations. I do think she is slower to mature than say I was as at her age. She was a dramatic teenager but calmed down somewhat by 17 18. Still prone to high emotions, empathetic but dramatic. Very different than me. I'm more even keel calm steady, type. Granted I've got decades on her so that comes with age too.

She asked me about graduating in the early 1990s from college and my first job etc. She asked me how I knew deep inside that my first job offer was the right fit. I laughed and said I knew right away BC the rent was due in three weeks. She looked shocked. But even after I had graduated I did not move home for various reasons and had to land something asap.

I do think tik tok and social media makes it worse. They get stuck in their own echo chamber. She told me she despises capitalism and wanted to move to Scandinavia. She said she doesn't like materialism as she orders things from Amazon on her iPhone.

I grew up in a wealthy EU country (Switz) with socialism type programs and high taxation. I explained to her that the Piper is always paid and I went through taxation rates with her and the cost of free everything. She was shocked and doesn't quite believe it. She thinks there is some far off land filled with beautiful people living in beautiful houses and not paying for much of everything. One of her side gigs here they took out taxes and she was mad. I told her that if she lived in Denmark her tax rate would have been triple. She said there is a new way coming and we will not be slaves anymore. Whatever.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All your comments as are so helpful. I'm rereading them and also exploring the book recommendations. I do think she is slower to mature than say I was as at her age. She was a dramatic teenager but calmed down somewhat by 17 18. Still prone to high emotions, empathetic but dramatic. Very different than me. I'm more even keel calm steady, type. Granted I've got decades on her so that comes with age too.

She asked me about graduating in the early 1990s from college and my first job etc. She asked me how I knew deep inside that my first job offer was the right fit. I laughed and said I knew right away BC the rent was due in three weeks. She looked shocked. But even after I had graduated I did not move home for various reasons and had to land something asap.

I do think tik tok and social media makes it worse. They get stuck in their own echo chamber. She told me she despises capitalism and wanted to move to Scandinavia. She said she doesn't like materialism as she orders things from Amazon on her iPhone.

I grew up in a wealthy Euro country (Switz) with socialism type programs and high taxation. I explained to her that the Piper is always paid and I went through taxation rates with her and the cost of free everything. She was shocked and doesn't quite believe it. She thinks there is some far off land filled with beautiful people living in beautiful houses and not paying for much of everything. One of her side gigs here they took out taxes and she was mad. I told her that if she lived in Denmark her tax rate would have been triple. She said there is a new way coming and we will not be slaves anymore. Whatever.

Anonymous wrote:All your comments as are so helpful. I'm rereading them and also exploring the book recommendations. I do think she is slower to mature than say I was as at her age. She was a dramatic teenager but calmed down somewhat by 17 18. Still prone to high emotions, empathetic but dramatic. Very different than me. I'm more even keel calm steady, type. Granted I've got decades on her so that comes with age too.

She asked me about graduating in the early 1990s from college and my first job etc. She asked me how I knew deep inside that my first job offer was the right fit. I laughed and said I knew right away BC the rent was due in three weeks. She looked shocked. But even after I had graduated I did not move home for various reasons and had to land something asap.

I do think tik tok and social media makes it worse. They get stuck in their own echo chamber. She told me she despises capitalism and wanted to move to Scandinavia. She said she doesn't like materialism as she orders things from Amazon on her iPhone.

I grew up in a wealthy EU country (Switz) with socialism type programs and high taxation. I explained to her that the Piper is always paid and I went through taxation rates with her and the cost of free everything. She was shocked and doesn't quite believe it. She thinks there is some far off land filled with beautiful people living in beautiful houses and not paying for much of everything. One of her side gigs here they took out taxes and she was mad. I told her that if she lived in Denmark her tax rate would have been triple. She said there is a new way coming and we will not be slaves anymore. Whatever.

Anonymous wrote:All your comments as are so helpful. I'm rereading them and also exploring the book recommendations. I do think she is slower to mature than say I was as at her age. She was a dramatic teenager but calmed down somewhat by 17 18. Still prone to high emotions, empathetic but dramatic. Very different than me. I'm more even keel calm steady, type. Granted I've got decades on her so that comes with age too.

She asked me about graduating in the early 1990s from college and my first job etc. She asked me how I knew deep inside that my first job offer was the right fit. I laughed and said I knew right away BC the rent was due in three weeks. She looked shocked. But even after I had graduated I did not move home for various reasons and had to land something asap.

I do think tik tok and social media makes it worse. They get stuck in their own echo chamber. She told me she despises capitalism and wanted to move to Scandinavia. She said she doesn't like materialism as she orders things from Amazon on her iPhone.

I grew up in a wealthy Euro country (Switz) with socialism type programs and high taxation. I explained to her that the Piper is always paid and I went through taxation rates with her and the cost of free everything. She was shocked and doesn't quite believe it. She thinks there is some far off land filled with beautiful people living in beautiful houses and not paying for much of everything. One of her side gigs here they took out taxes and she was mad. I told her that if she lived in Denmark her tax rate would have been triple. She said there is a new way coming and we will not be slaves anymore. Whatever.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all. I encouraged her to post her art and she did sell a couple pieces to friends if friends type. She set up at an outdoor market and was convinced that she'd sell 1,000 in art in one day. Sadly (not surprisingly) she did not sell one piece. She is getting ready to move out in Jan Feb. I have offered to help her with security and move. But she's on her own for the rent and all other expenses. I'm still paying her car insurance. But we told her last month that she has to get her own policy Dec 1st. Her car which we bought of course when she was a senior in high school (basic Toyota, new) will be signed over to her name when she takes insurance. I also encouraged her to take art lessons and we were going to gift her money for bday and Xmas for art lessons. But she used the money to buy other things.

This is her first week at her first real job. On her first day she called me over lunch complaining how exhausted she was. It had only been 4 hours. She's also disappointed in her salary BC she's only making 45k and in her mind she should be making 60k straight out of college. Whatever...

Sounds like you are handling it well. Sadly, she really needs to go for a masters to earn more money. Its good that she's growing up. You are right to help pay with move in but she needs to pay everything else including car insurance. She needs to grow up and pay for those things. You can give her gifts for birthday/holidays for those things too. But, if she chooses to use it for something else its on her.

This is bad advice. Masters in what?? I hate it when people just encourage kids to incur more debt by going to grad school. She should work for a few years and get more of an idea of what she wants to do. Then she could maybe get an mba. Or keep working but do art classes on the side while trying to sell her work.

Most artists have real jobs that pay the bills. I know this because my mother was an artist so we always had lots of them over at our house. They either taught at palaces like the Corcoran, or had a rich spouse, or a trust fund, or a normal job but did art on the side.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all. I encouraged her to post her art and she did sell a couple pieces to friends if friends type. She set up at an outdoor market and was convinced that she'd sell 1,000 in art in one day. Sadly (not surprisingly) she did not sell one piece. She is getting ready to move out in Jan Feb. I have offered to help her with security and move. But she's on her own for the rent and all other expenses. I'm still paying her car insurance. But we told her last month that she has to get her own policy Dec 1st. Her car which we bought of course when she was a senior in high school (basic Toyota, new) will be signed over to her name when she takes insurance. I also encouraged her to take art lessons and we were going to gift her money for bday and Xmas for art lessons. But she used the money to buy other things.

This is her first week at her first real job. On her first day she called me over lunch complaining how exhausted she was. It had only been 4 hours. She's also disappointed in her salary BC she's only making 45k and in her mind she should be making 60k straight out of college. Whatever...

Sounds like you are handling it well. Sadly, she really needs to go for a masters to earn more money. Its good that she's growing up. You are right to help pay with move in but she needs to pay everything else including car insurance. She needs to grow up and pay for those things. You can give her gifts for birthday/holidays for those things too. But, if she chooses to use it for something else its on her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all. I encouraged her to post her art and she did sell a couple pieces to friends if friends type. She set up at an outdoor market and was convinced that she'd sell 1,000 in art in one day. Sadly (not surprisingly) she did not sell one piece. She is getting ready to move out in Jan Feb. I have offered to help her with security and move. But she's on her own for the rent and all other expenses. I'm still paying her car insurance. But we told her last month that she has to get her own policy Dec 1st. Her car which we bought of course when she was a senior in high school (basic Toyota, new) will be signed over to her name when she takes insurance. I also encouraged her to take art lessons and we were going to gift her money for bday and Xmas for art lessons. But she used the money to buy other things.

This is her first week at her first real job. On her first day she called me over lunch complaining how exhausted she was. It had only been 4 hours. She's also disappointed in her salary BC she's only making 45k and in her mind she should be making 60k straight out of college. Whatever...

Poor kid. I can totally understand how disappointing that is - it feels like not only a rejection of your work, but also of you personally. She took a huge risk and probably feels very vulnerable. I remember when I was building my business I went through the same thing - hundreds of hours of putting my work out there with almost no return. It’s awful.

She might enjoy the book “Ignore Everybody: and 39 other keys to creativity”. It helped me a lot.

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all. I encouraged her to post her art and she did sell a couple pieces to friends if friends type. She set up at an outdoor market and was convinced that she'd sell 1,000 in art in one day. Sadly (not surprisingly) she did not sell one piece. She is getting ready to move out in Jan Feb. I have offered to help her with security and move. But she's on her own for the rent and all other expenses. I'm still paying her car insurance. But we told her last month that she has to get her own policy Dec 1st. Her car which we bought of course when she was a senior in high school (basic Toyota, new) will be signed over to her name when she takes insurance. I also encouraged her to take art lessons and we were going to gift her money for bday and Xmas for art lessons. But she used the money to buy other things.

This is her first week at her first real job. On her first day she called me over lunch complaining how exhausted she was. It had only been 4 hours. She's also disappointed in her salary BC she's only making 45k and in her mind she should be making 60k straight out of college. Whatever...

Anonymous wrote:Do NOT get sucked into believing anything she says. Nod and say "thank you for sharing," and keep encouraging her to move out. You did nothing wrong.

My cousin went to college for ... something but then changed her major to ceramics. I didn't even know you could major in that. She graduated, dumped a boyfriend because she said he wasn't going to earn enough to support her pottery lifestyle, and married an ugly boring guy who earns a lot. Cranked out two kids, and works at a college teaching art. She seems very happy, but wouldn't be able to live this life unless she'd married a big earner.

Anonymous wrote:Young adult child (22) one year out of college. Just started first job. She is bitter and resents her family and me BC she said we didn't support her childhood artistic pursuits. Growing up she loved music and we paid for many years of private lessons at our house. In summer I would send her to various camps like art studio, pottery etc. Bought musical instruments and art supplies, easel, paints etc.. She mulled over going to art school for painting, but she never liked painting much at the time and was more into pottery.. I do acknowledge that I did discourage her from art school unless she was interested in teaching eiher high school or uni level. She wasn't interested. She went to a 4 year school and chose her own major (marketing). For the past 6 months she's been in counseling. I thought it was helpful, she wanted to go. But they dredge up everything and she routinely brings up the wrongs of her childhood. Her therapist seems to be feeding into this victim mindset. Apparently I was a terrible mother who emotionally abused her BC I was neglectful by not asking her more about feelings. I was always more of a black and white what's the problem let's see what a fix could be. Apparently I'm not gray in my mindset and did her a disservice. She said she was born into the wrong family and will cut ties as soon as she moves out. I told her how much I love her and that I made mistakes but did my best, and never intended to emotionally neglect her. I told her that act one is done and she can take charge of her own life and mold it into what she wants, but she said it's too late and Ive ruined her with generational trauma and all this other psych babble. And no, although her childhood wasn't perfect there was no divorce, her dad and I get along, they had privileged upbringing and I worked part time for many many years so I could be there as a mother. She has mentioned that she doesn't like the idea of working for the evil capitalist model and wants to live on the beach and paint art all day. She says boomers and Gen X had it easy and now the world is going to hell and she's not cut out for this world. She's always been sensitive and more emotional than her sibling. She is creative. Sorry for the dump. Thoughts? Im shocked but trying to be understanding since this is her feeling. I just think the therapy is worsening it. The interesting thing is she worked through college and after, and her colleagues always like her. She is a hard worker. I'm just baffled.