Anonymous
Post 11/18/2021 11:00     Subject: If someone is really in love can they still cheat?
Anonymous wrote:Attention is attention. My love for my wife never ended, but I needed attention in a physical form, and she was not interested in that at that time.


This.

— woman
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2021 10:37     Subject: Re:If someone is really in love can they still cheat?
Anonymous wrote:
It was messed up. I told him not to show photos and we stopped ever talking about his family. I was not happy in my marriage and he had by all appearances perfect wife and kids and a rich family/social life. I talked to my therapist and it was a case of “I want what she has.” He never once said a bad word about her, that’s what should have tipped me off he had no plans to ever divorce. I wasted a lot of time.


It sounds like you need more therapy. Nothing in your post suggests you wouldn’t do it again if you thought the AP might actually fall in love with you. Therapy should help you realize not just why you did it but why it was wrong, so that you gave some remorse and wouldn’t do it again.


+1 that's the definition of looking for an exit affair.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2021 10:36     Subject: Re:If someone is really in love can they still cheat?
Anonymous wrote:
It was messed up. I told him not to show photos and we stopped ever talking about his family. I was not happy in my marriage and he had by all appearances perfect wife and kids and a rich family/social life. I talked to my therapist and it was a case of “I want what she has.” He never once said a bad word about her, that’s what should have tipped me off he had no plans to ever divorce. I wasted a lot of time.


It sounds like you need more therapy. Nothing in your post suggests you wouldn’t do it again if you thought the AP might actually fall in love with you. Therapy should help you realize not just why you did it but why it was wrong, so that you gave some remorse and wouldn’t do it again.


+1,000

I know some women like this. They have zero remorse because they hate their husbands and they have zero empathy. They think they are blameless in the situation. If caught, it's everyone else's fault. They never once think how what they did harmed this woman and her family, let alone their own family. It's really a form of mental illness---personality disorder. They will often blame the person they had the affair with taking zero responsibility or acknowledging their part in it.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2021 10:31     Subject: Re:If someone is really in love can they still cheat?
It was messed up. I told him not to show photos and we stopped ever talking about his family. I was not happy in my marriage and he had by all appearances perfect wife and kids and a rich family/social life. I talked to my therapist and it was a case of “I want what she has.” He never once said a bad word about her, that’s what should have tipped me off he had no plans to ever divorce. I wasted a lot of time.


It sounds like you need more therapy. Nothing in your post suggests you wouldn’t do it again if you thought the AP might actually fall in love with you. Therapy should help you realize not just why you did it but why it was wrong, so that you gave some remorse and wouldn’t do it again.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2021 10:24     Subject: Re:If someone is really in love can they still cheat?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My ex-AP was very in love with his wife. I was incredibly jealous.


That is so messed up. I was in love with my AP but if I knew he was in love with his wife I would not have been attracted to him. What he did to her was awful. But I think she was in love with him too.


Were you single? Why a married man?
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2021 10:24     Subject: Re:If someone is really in love can they still cheat?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My ex-AP was very in love with his wife. I was incredibly jealous.


That is so messed up. I was in love with my AP but if I knew he was in love with his wife I would not have been attracted to him. What he did to her was awful. But I think she was in love with him too.


Frankly, you banging a married man was awful too.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2021 10:23     Subject: Re:If someone is really in love can they still cheat?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My ex-AP was very in love with his wife. I was incredibly jealous.


That is so messed up. I was in love with my AP but if I knew he was in love with his wife I would not have been attracted to him. What he did to her was awful. But I think she was in love with him too.


It was messed up. I told him not to show photos and we stopped ever talking about his family. I was not happy in my marriage and he had by all appearances perfect wife and kids and a rich family/social life. I talked to my therapist and it was a case of “I want what she has.” He never once said a bad word about her, that’s what should have tipped me off he had no plans to ever divorce. I wasted a lot of time.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2021 10:21     Subject: Re:If someone is really in love can they still cheat?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My ex-AP was very in love with his wife. I was incredibly jealous.


That is so messed up. I was in love with my AP but if I knew he was in love with his wife I would not have been attracted to him. What he did to her was awful. But I think she was in love with him too.


LOL you're messed up too.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2021 10:20     Subject: If someone is really in love can they still cheat?
Depends on the definition of love. My definition includes not hurting somebody or lying to them, so by my definition, no.

If your definition is just about feelings, then yes.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2021 10:19     Subject: Re:If someone is really in love can they still cheat?
As a woman, no. If I am in love with someone it is only them. No one else exists.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2021 10:18     Subject: Re:If someone is really in love can they still cheat?
Anonymous wrote:My ex-AP was very in love with his wife. I was incredibly jealous.


That is so messed up. I was in love with my AP but if I knew he was in love with his wife I would not have been attracted to him. What he did to her was awful. But I think she was in love with him too.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2021 10:16     Subject: If someone is really in love can they still cheat?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Attention is attention. My love for my wife never ended, but I needed attention in a physical form, and she was not interested in that at that time.


I have heard from so many men that it wasn't love with an AP/OW and it didn't even factor into their family life/marriage for them. It was boxed up in a different compartment. They figured out of sight out of mind. To hear them talk, many are completely infatuated with their wives.

As a woman, I could never cheat on my husband whom I love dearly. But, I do see men (especially when raised in a dysfunctional home with poor role models) often don't see no-strings sex if they are being very careful not to get caught or taking any time/$ away from the family as a lack of love. It's pretty crazy but a lot more common than you think.

The sexes are very different with this stuff. It's why women are almost always about the 'exit affair' and catch feelings if the arrangement goes on. Read about the woman who banged the man in the open relationship and already thinks she's madly in love with him.


My wife claims to love me very much and I believe her. But she also often warns me that if i don't give her enough attention, she will seek it elsewhere.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2021 10:14     Subject: Re:If someone is really in love can they still cheat?
My ex-AP was very in love with his wife. I was incredibly jealous.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2021 10:12     Subject: If someone is really in love can they still cheat?
Anonymous wrote:Attention is attention. My love for my wife never ended, but I needed attention in a physical form, and she was not interested in that at that time.


I have heard from so many men that it wasn't love with an AP/OW and it didn't even factor into their family life/marriage for them. It was boxed up in a different compartment. They figured out of sight out of mind. To hear them talk, many are completely infatuated with their wives.

As a woman, I could never cheat on my husband whom I love dearly. But, I do see men (especially when raised in a dysfunctional home with poor role models) often don't see no-strings sex if they are being very careful not to get caught or taking any time/$ away from the family as a lack of love. It's pretty crazy but a lot more common than you think.

The sexes are very different with this stuff. It's why women are almost always about the 'exit affair' and catch feelings if the arrangement goes on. Read about the woman who banged the man in the open relationship and already thinks she's madly in love with him.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2021 10:11     Subject: If someone is really in love can they still cheat?
Massage parlors don’t count.