Anonymous wrote:My mom died on my birthday, which falls between Thanksgiving & Christmas, 3 years ago. It’s such a hard time of year. It gets easier, but that first year was rough. Like a PP, I definitely passed out drunk by the tree at least once that first year.

Now I prepare for the “rough season,” which also coincides with SAD, by going on an antidepressant in the fall. I make sure I have Xanax on hand, and I try not to drink too much. 🤷🏼‍♀️

The year she died, we knew she wasn’t well, so I hosted Thanksgiving and went all out with her China that hand been her mom’s, etc. That was the last time I saw her. My son was 2.5 and he cried so hard when she left and said, “I’ll never see you again!” We all laughed, but now I wonder if he could sense something.

I manage best if we don’t try to recreate any traditions. COVID has helped with that some. Every holiday since, we’ve switched things up a bit. I like to be festive, decorate, cook too much, do festive outings and activities, but there’s no winning trying to recreate something that can only exist in a memory.

Oh, another thing I do is I always take my birthday off from work. It hits me harder than I think it will. And I spend the day by myself doing the things my mom would like to do if we skipped work and played hooky... haircut, lunch out, shopping at a fancy store... stuff like that.

My mom died on my birthday, which falls between Thanksgiving & Christmas, 3 years ago. It’s such a hard time of year. It gets easier, but that first year was rough. Like a PP, I definitely passed out drunk by the tree at least once that first year.

Now I prepare for the “rough season,” which also coincides with SAD, by going on an antidepressant in the fall. I make sure I have Xanax on hand, and I try not to drink too much. 🤷🏼‍♀️

The year she died, we knew she wasn’t well, so I hosted Thanksgiving and went all out with her China that hand been her mom’s, etc. That was the last time I saw her. My son was 2.5 and he cried so hard when she left and said, “I’ll never see you again!” We all laughed, but now I wonder if he could sense something.

I manage best if we don’t try to recreate any traditions. COVID has helped with that some. Every holiday since, we’ve switched things up a bit. I like to be festive, decorate, cook too much, do festive outings and activities, but there’s no winning trying to recreate something that can only exist in a memory.

OP here again -- thank you all for sharing your heartbreak. Are there little things you do during the holidays to help carry a tradition on?

Both set of parents has passed and both of our families are partially estranged over bad behavior/parental estate money grabs. So about half of families are not speaking and have poisoned their children hate the cousins over estate disputes.

The truth is that there were simmering resentments among the siblings that got exposed when the parents passed. Greed, revenge, dishonesty all reared their heads after the parents were gone. There was no longer a reason to be civil.

The holiday bring back memories of better days and so we can't help but dwell on how things have changed.

Anonymous wrote:My brother died suddenly at 50 a few days before Thanksgiving. My mom died two days after Christmas three years later.

It definitely makes these holidays a lost less fun.

I get that. My dad's cancer came back in a September and he was in and out of the hospital until January. Much touch and go. The first few years after, I would start getting depressed as soon as the days got shorter.

I know am able to tell myself how much he would absolutely hate to think we were sad so I pinch myself and try to buck up and savor the family still here while remembering him in his prime.

My dad LOVED the Holidays. As an only child, he made them a huge deal and was like an absolute kid this time of year. His Xmas Eve feasts are legendary.

In fact, I know he held on through the Holidays- passing away the end of January because he didn't want the Holidays to be 'forever ruined/a source of pain'. Seriously.

It's tough. I try to channel all the fun and work on instilling that spirit in my kids. My 13 and 16 year old boys are already talking about all the things they love about this time of year and what we will do. They love all of the traditions. That makes my heart grow big to carry on his spirit. But, I do have my moments and go cry by myself and then buck up and go on.

I take the time to do a few things I know he would love. It's been 3 years.

My siblings and I have come back for every single holiday just like you OP. Not because it was expected, but because it was so much fun. My siblings and I still get together. My mom has chosen to take over on Xmas Eve 'for as long as she can".

The Holidays are hard for so many people. It's why we should all be kind and look out for one another.

I wish you the best and hope the memories warm your heart. They are with you in spirit.

My dad passed almost 5 years ago. Holidays always feel a bit empty without him, but even more so now that I have two young children of my own. He would’ve loved them so much.

My heart hurts for all of you.

Cheers to your loved ones.

My MIL passed and she was the primary person we'd spend holidays with. My parents live close but have zero interest in us except the holidays and too much drama so we usually get some kind of carry out and enjoy our small family.