Kitchens are designed to be reset, so don’t worry about whatever she’s doing. Just leave yourself time to clean and then cook your t-giving stuff. Give MIL a firm deadline.

how long will she be there?

This would annoy me too--no advice, just commiseration.

I would go and put my feet up every day but Thanksgiving and leave her in charge. DH gets cleanup duty. You get to go out and do whatever you want. Don't bother to even think of cleaning anything in the kitchen until MIL is safely gone.

Yes mil is rude, oblivious and boundary infringing - you should ask DH to set ground rules with her in advance … she cleans up,after herself and you are in charge of main TG meal ….

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell her that you need the kitchen because you're preparing Thanksgiving. If she wants to make a pie or something on Wednesday, carve out some time for her. If she wants to pick a different day that week to make dinner, set the timeline in advance. But you have to do some expectation setting here, you can't just sign for all her deliveries and say nothing to her announcements about how much she's looking forward to cooking all week and then just fume about it when it happens.

This. Make up a schedule of when you need the kitchen and when she gets to enjoy your kitchen. Discuss this with her before she arrives. Let her know before she gets here that she’s not going to just take over. In your shoes I’d let her know you have something special planned for their first dinner of their visit, just to put a flag in the ground. Explain to your DH that he needs to clean up or get her to clean up.

She sounds annoying if she’s talking about breaking in YOUR kitchen. What else is going on in your relationship with her? Can you use her visit to go catch up with friends in the evening or do some self-care, or just go to a movie alone and tell them you’re meeting a friend? You could also do some evening holiday shopping while they’re visiting.

She is territorial and entitled. She also will ask, nonstop, and over and over, where things are while she makes the complicated meal, how to use every appliance, and about the oven temp., etc., etc., etc. As for the counters she likes to "have her things out as it is more efficient." Bah.

Sounds like it's time for a spa day or a day out with the kids for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell her that you need the kitchen because you're preparing Thanksgiving. If she wants to make a pie or something on Wednesday, carve out some time for her. If she wants to pick a different day that week to make dinner, set the timeline in advance. But you have to do some expectation setting here, you can't just sign for all her deliveries and say nothing to her announcements about how much she's looking forward to cooking all week and then just fume about it when it happens.

Agreed. You need to deal with this now. Or DH is in charge of resetting the kitchen to its prior state by Weds night for you to cook on Tgiving.

I would do this. Just tell her the fridge is full already, plus you’ll need to be in the kitchen prepping, etc. But you do need to say something now if she’s made her expectations clear.

But OP, I get it, I really do. It’s not just about dirty dishes. It’s about having her piles of crap stacked up around the kitchen for a week. It’s about the drawer of tea towels completely upended because instead of reaching in and grabbing one, she rifled through them and then just shoved them back in. It’s about flour caked around the crevices of a brand new faucet. Cooking sherry dribbled down the face of a cabinet; grease splattered against the stove back splash. And the odds that she or your DH are actually going to clean it to anywhere close to the way it was when they showed up are less than zero.

And not only that, but it sounds like she’s doing it for the specific purpose of “breaking in the kitchen.” Not because she wants to cook family favorites or because she’s helping with thanksigivng. But because there is a new pristine kitchen that she wants to … what? Put her mark on? Make it less pristine? How else do you interpret “break in”? Breaking something in is literally about taking the polish off, making it less new, etc.And if you are not the owner of whatever this new thing is, then it’s rude to expect that you get to break it in. The owner is the one that gets to enjoy using it in its new and completely untarnished condition.

OK, MIL sounds terrible, but the idea that grease splattering against the stove backsplash is totally avoidable is unrealistic, with some foods. If you're making delicious fried chicken, splatter away! Just clean up afterwards.

She leaves the kitchen as she found it. If you have to stop her and make her clean you do it. Tell her you already broke your kitchen in.

Anonymous wrote:Petty.

Let her cook for you. It's probably her love language. Husband (and probably you since it's your control issue) can clean up afterwards.

My love language is not cleaning up endlessly after my in laws. My husband will clean it in a way that is not done or clean, so I will do it. It’s just super annoying.

Petty.

Let her cook for you. It's probably her love language. Husband (and probably you since it's your control issue) can clean up afterwards.

My sister can do whatever she wants in my kitchen. Anyone else had better ask nicely and leave it cleaner than they found it.

I hate having other people cooking and messing around in my kitchen. I try to do as much as I can before guests arrive to avoid the “can I help” stuff. I totally understand, OP. I adore my MIL. She doesn’t try to take over the kitchen, but she leaves stuff on my counters which drives me insane. Especially during the holidays.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Oh, I think you misunderstood. Dan and I are hosting Thanksgiving so we'll be doing all the cooking. We just want you to relax and enjoy the meal. If you really want to bring something, a bottle of wine or some flowers would be great, but don't feel obligated."

And then when she tries to "break in your kitchen" you say "Carol, why are you ignoring what I said in the email/text/call on November 15th? Dan and I are hosting and we're handling everything kitchen related. I don't want other people cooking in my kitchen. Please feel free to mingle and chat with everyone."

I think the MIL is letting OP handle cooking on Thanksgiving, but wants to cook on the other days.

OP, I get it bc it makes me nuts when people make a mess of my kitchen, but I think you just have to let her have her fun and stay away (i.e., in another room with a glass of wine).

Let your husband know that he is in charge of cleaning up after your MIL bc it's too stressful for you to deal with her, and that the kitchen and dishes need to be clean and ready to go first think Thursday morning.

It's OP's house. OP gets to be in control, not the MIL!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell her that you need the kitchen because you're preparing Thanksgiving. If she wants to make a pie or something on Wednesday, carve out some time for her. If she wants to pick a different day that week to make dinner, set the timeline in advance. But you have to do some expectation setting here, you can't just sign for all her deliveries and say nothing to her announcements about how much she's looking forward to cooking all week and then just fume about it when it happens.

Agreed. You need to deal with this now. Or DH is in charge of resetting the kitchen to its prior state by Weds night for you to cook on Tgiving.

I would do this. Just tell her the fridge is full already, plus you’ll need to be in the kitchen prepping, etc. But you do need to say something now if she’s made her expectations clear.

But OP, I get it, I really do. It’s not just about dirty dishes. It’s about having her piles of crap stacked up around the kitchen for a week. It’s about the drawer of tea towels completely upended because instead of reaching in and grabbing one, she rifled through them and then just shoved them back in. It’s about flour caked around the crevices of a brand new faucet. Cooking sherry dribbled down the face of a cabinet; grease splattered against the stove back splash. And the odds that she or your DH are actually going to clean it to anywhere close to the way it was when they showed up are less than zero.

And not only that, but it sounds like she’s doing it for the specific purpose of “breaking in the kitchen.” Not because she wants to cook family favorites or because she’s helping with thanksigivng. But because there is a new pristine kitchen that she wants to … what? Put her mark on? Make it less pristine? How else do you interpret “break in”? Breaking something in is literally about taking the polish off, making it less new, etc.And if you are not the owner of whatever this new thing is, then it’s rude to expect that you get to break it in. The owner is the one that gets to enjoy using it in its new and completely untarnished condition.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"We look forward to hosting you and making you some delicious meals in our new home! The kitchen in all yours on 'x day' for you to break it in."

Your husband gets clean up duty on x day.

Exactly this. Give her one day to go nuts and then the remainder, you cook, you make reservations at a restaurant, have thanksgiving dinner, then eat leftovers. Done.

This is the best choice.

Anonymous wrote:"We look forward to hosting you and making you some delicious meals in our new home! The kitchen in all yours on 'x day' for you to break it in."

Your husband gets clean up duty on x day.

Exactly this. Give her one day to go nuts and then the remainder, you cook, you make reservations at a restaurant, have thanksgiving dinner, then eat leftovers. Done.