DCUM Forum

Anonymous

11/15/2021 04:55 Subject: Care for sibling during labor

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have four kids and I would happily be any of my neighbors’ in case the nanny can’t make it back up childcare for a 2yo.

Yes most people would. If you can manage 2, you can manage 3 for 1 night.

The problem you run into with friends with 2 kids is that they have to drop off kids at preschool or whatever, and there’s not enough room in their car for another car seat. (I’m the PP with the bad experience with MD State Doulas) That was the big problem for us finding help from SAHM friends.

I might have to rearrange my car or take my third grader out of her booster, but we’d make it work. —Pp with 4

I would even take the day off if you were in a pinch.

OP, don’t rule out families with kids! We have (just) two, but would 100% welcome yours and the bonus is that the kids all entertain each other - a 2YO added to our house is not nearly as disruptive as a 2YO added to a childfree house, lol! Also, our oldest is old enough to stay home alone, and now we have additional WFH flexibility.
DO make sure that any preschool, etc has a list of the people that may or may not be enlisted to pick DD up, ahead of time. Our daycare was VERY strict with the “on the list” rule. Just give them as long of a list as possible 😄
Congrats!!

Anonymous

11/15/2021 03:27 Subject: Care for sibling during labor

Anonymous wrote:Whatever you do, do NOT hire Maryland State Doulas. They offer "Sibling Doula services." I hired them this fall to take care of my 3 year old at our home when I went into labor.

When I went into labor we immediately called them. No answer. Called again, no answer. E-mailed, texted-- nothing. When they finally did get back to us hours later they informed us they didn't have anyone to cover, and we were just out of luck.

I had to labor alone in the hospital while my husband stayed home with our 3 year old.

I was (and still am, if I'm being honest) FURIOUS.

I'm so sorry you had to experience this.

Anonymous

11/15/2021 02:31 Subject: Re:Care for sibling during labor

I had my baby last year when everyone was still distancing so I scheduled a c-section. My first was a c-section and I was on the fence about about a VBAC but the idea of having the baby by myself scared me. We also don’t live by family. It worked out perfect for us.

Anonymous

11/15/2021 00:19 Subject: Re:Care for sibling during labor

Np here. I’m sure I posted about this back in 2016. It was a huge concern. Our high school babysitter said she’d be on call to cover and her parents were amazingly chill about missing some school if needed. My neighbor / parents of DD’s best friend were ready to host if needed / coordinated with the babysitter. My minister helped find some names, but I didn’t know the women well. Someone put me in touch with a stay at home mom who was willing to bring her infant / stay in our house. I was okay with that idea, but she was an hour away. My first came VERY fast, so waiting an hour wouldn’t work. The emergency babysitter service said for overnight calls (between 9 and 6) they could get a sitter to us within 4 hours, so that also didn’t work. Eventually I saw on my neighborhood “Nextdoor” someone was becoming a stay at home mom and giving up her nanny. She was paying the nanny through a certain date (after my due date) but nanny was available if needed sooner. We (mom, nanny and I) reached an agreement that nanny would be on call for us / stay with my older DD if needed. The nanny was still helping the mom, but the mom was in a position to not have help for a day or two when things happened. Nanny stayed the night I delivered and next night. Then I had a night alone and DH came home for the night.

Anonymous

11/13/2021 13:08 Subject: Care for sibling during labor

I think you should hire a doula to go to the hospital with you and DH stays with DD. This is what I am doing.

Anonymous

11/13/2021 11:45 Subject: Care for sibling during labor

I actually don’t think it’s inappropriate to ask your best friend, if she is your best friend. Don’t assume she will be triggered or
Uninterested in helping you. I would mention you are struggling to find coverage for Larla to her and see if she offers. I bet she would, if she’s a good friend. I have offered to
Help many people who aren’t my best friends because I
Know how stressful it is. I think it’s an honor to help someone out like this, even if it’s a big hassle. Your friend might feel insulted that you haven’t asked.

Anonymous

11/12/2021 21:21 Subject: Care for sibling during labor

Anonymous wrote:OP - the current plan is for a VBAC but if the baby doesn't come or gets too large I will end up with a scheduled C-section between 39 and 40 weeks. My OB doesn't want to do a scheduled induction since my first was a C-section. OB has also said that even scheduled C-sections are being bumped frequently at Sibley until they are medically necessary so the fact that I'm scheduled on a certain day means almost nothing so it makes it a bit trickier to plan childcare. The takeaway was that the c-section would happen the week it is scheduled because by the end of the week it would likely be considered medically necessary due to my age.

Have made several attempts to grow our group of friends but most people near us have 2+ kids already so this particular request is hard. I think in an emergency people would help, but this is a bigger ask and somehow seems to be viewed as different. My best friend is struggling with infertility so it seems particularly inappopriate to ask her to help for this one but for something else I would definitely ask. I have a couple co-workers I could ask so I will add them to the list but both are probably an hour drive from me. For babysitters we've used White House Nannies because none of my care.com attempts have worked out (we have a big dog which is off-putting to many people.)

This is exactly the type of situation where you just need to pay someone to guarantee their availability, i.e. a doula. I would not ask a random friend. You could be seriously inconveniencing them or they could back out when you need them most with no warning (re: they didn't want to do it in the first place)

OP I saw your husband could be gone around 36 weeks. Worse case the doula drops you off at the hospital and takes your kid. Chance of a precipitous labor that early is very slim so you should only be alone for the 3-4 hours. Have the doula hang out with your kid a couple times first. The nanny can only help you if she has 24/7 transportation and is willing. I think it is alot to ask someone to be available 24/7 for a month without compensation

Anonymous

11/12/2021 21:11 Subject: Care for sibling during labor

Doula and DH stays with kiddo.

Anonymous

11/12/2021 20:56 Subject: Care for sibling during labor

I'd lock it down with the neighbor.

My 3rd would have been born at home if it weren't for the neighbor coming over at 2 AM. My best friend was on her way but that baby was coming faster than I ever thought possible.

Anonymous

11/12/2021 20:35 Subject: Care for sibling during labor

The “grow your village” advice is so annoying. You can only do that if you have time. Most moms with full time jobs, partners, households to run, and other young kids to look after have no time. The idea that you can just build this amazing network of people to trust in a pinch by joining a church or putting your kid on a soccer team is ludicrous. Strong, trusting friendships take a long time to build, particularly in a city like DC where people are busy and can be very unfriendly and closed off. Dc also is extremely transient so people you may grow close to often leave the area. Oh and also - it’s a pandemic!!!

Anonymous

11/12/2021 20:11 Subject: Care for sibling during labor

OP, I feel you. I think three backups should be good (nanny, travelling friend, neighbor, DH). That’s pretty much where I am — my mother is flying in two weeks before my due date, but just in case I have godmother, friend (works in big law), and cousin (not very experienced with child care) on my list and a set of backup numbers for them to call if they run into issues. Ask around with the people with kids though; most of of my acquaintances have offered to be 3rd/4th tier backups even though it would make their lives crazy.

Best of luck to you! Hopefully timing will work out so the nanny can step in!

Anonymous

11/12/2021 19:52 Subject: Care for sibling during labor

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have four kids and I would happily be any of my neighbors’ in case the nanny can’t make it back up childcare for a 2yo.

Yes most people would. If you can manage 2, you can manage 3 for 1 night.

The problem you run into with friends with 2 kids is that they have to drop off kids at preschool or whatever, and there’s not enough room in their car for another car seat. (I’m the PP with the bad experience with MD State Doulas) That was the big problem for us finding help from SAHM friends.

I might have to rearrange my car or take my third grader out of her booster, but we’d make it work. —Pp with 4

I would even take the day off if you were in a pinch.

Ok, also- what was the point of this response? Not everyone has friends or family that can do this. Taking a day off is not something a lot of people can afford- especially when you have to conserve sick days like crazy to deal with all these quarantines and kids being sick and dentist appointments, and, and, and... Or you can be self-employed like me and not have any paid sick days. When I take a day off, it can cost me $1000.

I don't think you intended to do so, but your response kinda made me feel like crap that I don't have anyone in my life that could or would do this for me.

Anonymous

11/12/2021 19:47 Subject: Care for sibling during labor

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have four kids and I would happily be any of my neighbors’ in case the nanny can’t make it back up childcare for a 2yo.

Yes most people would. If you can manage 2, you can manage 3 for 1 night.

The problem you run into with friends with 2 kids is that they have to drop off kids at preschool or whatever, and there’s not enough room in their car for another car seat. (I’m the PP with the bad experience with MD State Doulas) That was the big problem for us finding help from SAHM friends.

I might have to rearrange my car or take my third grader out of her booster, but we’d make it work. —Pp with 4

Ok, what was the point of this comment? That's nice, but not everyone has friends or neighbors that can do that. I'm saying, that's the problem we ran into. Fitting 3 car seats into a car was impossible for my SAHM friends.

Anonymous

11/12/2021 19:43 Subject: Care for sibling during labor

Don't hesitate to ask people - they will help. I also second getting a semi regular baby sitter so there is another person familiar to DD1

Anonymous

11/12/2021 18:37 Subject: Care for sibling during labor

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have four kids and I would happily be any of my neighbors’ in case the nanny can’t make it back up childcare for a 2yo.

Yes most people would. If you can manage 2, you can manage 3 for 1 night.

The problem you run into with friends with 2 kids is that they have to drop off kids at preschool or whatever, and there’s not enough room in their car for another car seat. (I’m the PP with the bad experience with MD State Doulas) That was the big problem for us finding help from SAHM friends.

I might have to rearrange my car or take my third grader out of her booster, but we’d make it work. —Pp with 4

I would even take the day off if you were in a pinch.