Anonymous wrote:We were at Target weekend before last when we bumped into DH's ex. She was ecstatic to see him, cold to me. Entire interation last all of 5 minutes.

DH tells me she called him two days later to see how he had been since they parted ways 15 years ago (umm, wife and two daughters). Seems her marriage failed.

Since that call she has called him two more times (he didnt take either) and he spotted her driving near his office. Maybe a coincidence but it doesnt feel right.

Ignore her? Confront her?

FWIW he would never cheat. We are married 12 years and very in love.

Unless he already is. Those are just the calls he told you about.

Anonymous wrote:Ignore her. Your husband isn’t responding to her. The less oxygen she gets, the faster she will fade away.

This. It is the most dignified route. I have not been averse to telling people to F off in this situation though. My DH had an ex gf contact him earlier in our relationship. She was on reflection now, probably full on stalking him - multiple texts per day etc. He ignored her and blocked her number. Then she started with the emails. Finally I sent her an email telling her to get lost. She did.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He has the same phone number as 15 years ago? And she saved it?

I know this is what is shocking to me!

Really? I have the same cell number since 2002, as do most ppl I know.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He has the same phone number as 15 years ago? And she saved it?

I know this is what is shocking to me!

I'm laughing because I basically have the same cell number I got in 1997 with my first cell phone. I also still remember my first boyfriend's parents home phone number. I mean, I have been married for 15 years and have no need for that info, but I still remember it for sure!

Anonymous wrote:This is his problem, not yours.

This. It also makes no sense for him to tell you this. It seems like hubby has been up to something and is now trying to over his tracks.

Anonymous wrote:He has the same phone number as 15 years ago? And she saved it?

I know this is what is shocking to me!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be out and about together more often having an amazing time and enjoying life. Maybe she will be watching, maybe not.

Yes, to this. Post a few cute selfies of you two on date night. Do not contact her and give her the satisfaction of now being a triangulated character in her imaginary romance.

Don't do this. I don't think you should go into hiding or anything but this kind of behavior tends to encourage obsession, not discourage it. I think being really showy about what a happy family you are will only pique her interest. If she's not already stalking your social media, this is a good way to ensure she starts.

Live your life. It's good your DH is telling you about this behavior and not responding to her. It sounds like she might be unhappy about her own life and fixating on what might have been. I'd go about my business, if you see her, say hello and be cordial and pleasant. I would suggest your DH respond with something detached ("Great to see you, hope all is well! Enjoy your holidays!") instead of outright ignoring her which will communicate that the situation is weird and maybe illicit. Responding but keeping it friendly/distant communicates "hey, I have neutral feelings about you but am in a good place generally and wish you wll." That's the goal.

You can also try the "kill her with kindness" route and go all in -- invite her to group events (like a backyard BBQ) and connect on Facebook and be super friendly in a just-friends way. But people on here will say that's playing with fire and that if you do this she'll steal your husband and your kids and leave you bankrupt. But I actually think it could work. Hard for her to try and swoop in on your DH if she's friends with you whole family and hangs out with you and the kids sometimes.

Remember, you hole all the cards here.

He has the same phone number as 15 years ago? And she saved it?

This is his problem, not yours.

He needs to tell her to stop contacting him and that he isn't interested in reconnecting in any form.

If she keeps contacting him after that then you know you have a true stalker.

Haha reminds me of the time my high school boyfriend sent me a friend request on Facebook and started sending messages. Delete and Ignore. So lame.