Anonymous
Post 11/08/2021 21:38     Subject: Scowling SIL
You hear hoof beats (she’s not acting in a typical way), and instead of drawing the appropriate conclusion—something seems off, so something must be off, like maybe Aspberger’s = horses

You’re drawing the conclusion “something seems off, so she must be a horrible person who is awful and horrible, and maybe if I JUST TRY HARDER TO CHANGE HER, that will work” = zebras.
Anonymous
Post 11/08/2021 21:34     Subject: Scowling SIL
If it doesn't bother BIL then let it be. Give your friends a heads up that if she doesn't interact after they greet her, they don't need to try overly hard. They sound polite which is all you can ask for.

And if she's sprawling, it's fine to politely ask her to make room for others. Maybe give BIL a side message that he is welcome to invite her to use another room if you think it would be rude of you to suggest she "leave."
Anonymous
Post 11/08/2021 19:21     Subject: Scowling SIL
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This just...isn't something you need to focus on. She is who she is, she does what she does. If you don't want her there and/or don't like her, don't invite her. Pretty simple.

If you're this focused on someone else and can't help yourself but focus on her, don't invite them.

She may be giving her best/all she's capable of. She may be doing so for her husband. If that isn't good enough for you, don't invite them.

Why are you focused on her? You should be chatting with people who want to chat, engaging with people who want to engage, and make sure the drinks and food are replenished, etc. Surely you have something better to do with your time and energy than focus and ruminate on her.


Np If someone is sprawled on the couch where others want to sit how exactly is the op supposed to ignore that?


Use your words like a grownup. “Hey, do you mind reading in the guest room? People want to use the couch to watch TV.”


Don’t move her to the guest room. Add a chair in the living room if needed, but let her be.
Anonymous
Post 11/08/2021 19:19     Subject: Scowling SIL
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It sounds like severe social disorder. On the spectrum even. She probably wants to go, wants to be there, but can’t interact. Her body and mind literally will not allow her to relax and enjoy it.

My daughter has a friend like this. She wants to come over, but then won’t speak and won’t interact. She invites my daughter to her house and ignores her entirely. But her mom is so grateful for even attempting a social outing.


What you’re missing is that such people might be happy with this limited interaction. I’m surrounded by Aspies, I know.

I can’t believe some of you are so rude and ignorant. SIL isn’t harming anyone. Leave her alone.




PP, yes I agree with you. They are happy and they are trying, even if it looks rude and standoffish.

Try to meet her where she is; agree with having a spot for her to read, but still be near the crowd.
Anonymous
Post 11/08/2021 19:15     Subject: Scowling SIL
Anonymous wrote:It sounds like severe social disorder. On the spectrum even. She probably wants to go, wants to be there, but can’t interact. Her body and mind literally will not allow her to relax and enjoy it.

My daughter has a friend like this. She wants to come over, but then won’t speak and won’t interact. She invites my daughter to her house and ignores her entirely. But her mom is so grateful for even attempting a social outing.


What you’re missing is that such people might be happy with this limited interaction. I’m surrounded by Aspies, I know.

I can’t believe some of you are so rude and ignorant. SIL isn’t harming anyone. Leave her alone.


Anonymous
Post 11/08/2021 19:13     Subject: Scowling SIL
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This just...isn't something you need to focus on. She is who she is, she does what she does. If you don't want her there and/or don't like her, don't invite her. Pretty simple.

If you're this focused on someone else and can't help yourself but focus on her, don't invite them.

She may be giving her best/all she's capable of. She may be doing so for her husband. If that isn't good enough for you, don't invite them.

Why are you focused on her? You should be chatting with people who want to chat, engaging with people who want to engage, and make sure the drinks and food are replenished, etc. Surely you have something better to do with your time and energy than focus and ruminate on her.

I assume OP wants to be a good host and is trying to engage her. I wouldn’t be be able to relax if I had a guest at my party that was clearly not enjoying herself. OP isn’t overly focused on it.it’s super weird. Who reads at a party?
I would see if Dh can talk to his brother privately and figure out what’s up. Is either stop inviting them, or just invite the brother.


Trying to “engage” someone once per event is fine. After that, you’re badgering, and stop. Especially if it’s someone you ***know*** is this way.

“Who reads at a party”? SIL. That’s who. We know that because OP told us. So either stop inviting her, or make sure she has a place to read that doesn’t take up valuable real estate in front of the TV.
Anonymous
Post 11/08/2021 19:09     Subject: Scowling SIL
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This just...isn't something you need to focus on. She is who she is, she does what she does. If you don't want her there and/or don't like her, don't invite her. Pretty simple.

If you're this focused on someone else and can't help yourself but focus on her, don't invite them.

She may be giving her best/all she's capable of. She may be doing so for her husband. If that isn't good enough for you, don't invite them.

Why are you focused on her? You should be chatting with people who want to chat, engaging with people who want to engage, and make sure the drinks and food are replenished, etc. Surely you have something better to do with your time and energy than focus and ruminate on her.


Np If someone is sprawled on the couch where others want to sit how exactly is the op supposed to ignore that?


Use your words like a grownup. “Hey, do you mind reading in the guest room? People want to use the couch to watch TV.”
Anonymous
Post 11/08/2021 19:06     Subject: Scowling SIL
It sounds like severe social disorder. On the spectrum even. She probably wants to go, wants to be there, but can’t interact. Her body and mind literally will not allow her to relax and enjoy it.

My daughter has a friend like this. She wants to come over, but then won’t speak and won’t interact. She invites my daughter to her house and ignores her entirely. But her mom is so grateful for even attempting a social outing.
Anonymous
Post 11/08/2021 18:18     Subject: Scowling SIL
why didnt' the people who wanted to sit on the couch ask her to move? "Excuse me, room for me on this couch? I want to watch the game." She's 1 person - she can take up one seat. She can't lay across three seats on the couch.
Anonymous
Post 11/08/2021 17:54     Subject: Scowling SIL
Another pain in the ass SIL.

Stop being a misogynistic pig by judging a woman's facial expression.


You have words and so do your guests if they wanted to sit on the couch they could have asked.


Next time you host make sure to have ample comfortable seating for everyone.
Anonymous
Post 11/08/2021 16:35     Subject: Scowling SIL
Stop inviting them. She sounds like a rude bore.
Anonymous
Post 11/08/2021 16:34     Subject: Scowling SIL
Sourpuss not source puss (auto correct!)
Anonymous
Post 11/08/2021 16:34     Subject: Scowling SIL
My husband is similar, and sometimes I suggest he stay home, sometimes I tell him I want/need him to come. My relatives and friends would likely describe him as you have described your SIL. It is a battle I don't like like fight, because sometimes he has FOMO, and then is a source puss all evening.

My suggestion is to let it go, this is between your brother and SIL.
Anonymous
Post 11/08/2021 16:30     Subject: Scowling SIL
Would assume BIL is dragging her to the larger group gatherings you have that are not her thing. Find a place she can read in peace and she will probably be grateful.

I wouldn't read too much into RBF.
Anonymous
Post 11/08/2021 16:27     Subject: Scowling SIL
Anonymous wrote:Why would you invite her to something like a game night, which actually does typically involve some degree of participation?

Just invite her to stuff where it's NBD if she sits and read a book, like family pizza night.


Isn’t everyone else sitting around watching TV? Reading seems a little off but not a big deal.