Anonymous wrote:It’s not a solution, but I can share my own experience. My husband went through depression after the birth of our second child. We were in survival mode for a year. After he healed it took 2-3 more years to put the marriage back together. I had to process some of the abusive things he said. I had to move on and heal. Long process, but we’re now in a good — even great — place.

It was truly unbearable at the time, and I felt very alone. I honestly stayed because with two kids and a job I didn’t have time to think of a plan, I just went from day to day. Mental health is a very tricky thing, I can imagine if you have a young kid and COVID this could be partly a situational depression but it sounds like it’s very bad. I can’t tell you what to do but I just wanted to say I see you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband suffers from depression. He had episodes in the past but the pandemic has prompted what has been the worst depression of his life. We also have a toddler born during the pandemic. His depression manifests through extreme anger at times - he is almost always highly irritable with me and we had a few big fights where he threw objects at me, called me terrible names and called for divorce. He started taking medication but it's not working. I became structurally upset with him due to his anger and as such, my resentment is obvious and this is leading to a permanent state of tension. Some days he is feeling better, other days, he is always snappish with me and anything can set off a huge fight. He started speaking with a therapist - I was hoping that would help him but since he started therapy he brings up a divorce more frequently b/c I think he obviously vents about me and I am not perfect but he probably takes it ad litteram. He told me he only sees darkness, he no longer feels remorse or love other than for the baby. Intellectually he know he loves me, and he feels bad if he throws stuff at me or calls me names but emotionally he said, he just sees darkness. He is a great father. He is a great guy. I could have never imagined that depression can ruin him and us. Any solutions out there? Please.

This is beyond depression. It’s something else, he needs a real diagnosis before you are divorcing him and the family courts force him to get a battery of psych exams if he wants any custody.

Document everything, with doctors, video, notebook, witnesses, nanny cams.

Divorce threats of abandonment are enough for many Moms to walk.

How are his executive functioning skills? Or common sense?

Anonymous wrote:DBT is a type of therapy that has shown benefit re: depression. It does not sound like talk therapy is helping.

His irritability may well be directed at DC at some point and his depression may impact his job and other relationships too.

It is common for a spouse to give feedback to a treating neuropsych as to how medication is working, side effects, etc. You should talk with DH about attending an appointment. The current approach sounds like both meds and therapy need to be tweaked.

Does DH work?

Anonymous wrote:My husband suffers from depression. He had episodes in the past but the pandemic has prompted what has been the worst depression of his life. We also have a toddler born during the pandemic. His depression manifests through extreme anger at times - he is almost always highly irritable with me and we had a few big fights where he threw objects at me, called me terrible names and called for divorce. He started taking medication but it's not working. I became structurally upset with him due to his anger and as such, my resentment is obvious and this is leading to a permanent state of tension. Some days he is feeling better, other days, he is always snappish with me and anything can set off a huge fight. He started speaking with a therapist - I was hoping that would help him but since he started therapy he brings up a divorce more frequently b/c I think he obviously vents about me and I am not perfect but he probably takes it ad litteram. He told me he only sees darkness, he no longer feels remorse or love other than for the baby. Intellectually he know he loves me, and he feels bad if he throws stuff at me or calls me names but emotionally he said, he just sees darkness. He is a great father. He is a great guy. I could have never imagined that depression can ruin him and us. Any solutions out there? Please.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The meds need to be adjusted. It’s really hard. He needs to go back to whoever is prescribing them. It may take a few more adjustments.

Is he exercising regularly? That can also help, but not if it’s not done.

I’m sorry.

What kind of meds?

He exercises 3 times a week.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was behaving exactly the same way and I changed my medications.

Wellbutrin, lexapro, celexa, buspar and many others caused me to become very irritable.

It all disappeared when I started using Viibryd. The issues went out by the third day. Like
Magic. thank

Zero issues in five months, when I started using it. Zero irritable behaviors or arguments with my wife.

Super expensive, but totally worth it.

Thans, I'll look into it. He's taking lexapro now.

Anonymous wrote:I was behaving exactly the same way and I changed my medications.

Wellbutrin, lexapro, celexa, buspar and many others caused me to become very irritable.

It all disappeared when I started using Viibryd. The issues went out by the third day. Like
Magic. thank

Zero issues in five months, when I started using it. Zero irritable behaviors or arguments with my wife.

Super expensive, but totally worth it.

Anonymous wrote:My husband suffers from depression. He had episodes in the past but the pandemic has prompted what has been the worst depression of his life. We also have a toddler born during the pandemic. His depression manifests through extreme anger at times - he is almost always highly irritable with me and we had a few big fights where he threw objects at me, called me terrible names and called for divorce. He started taking medication but it's not working. I became structurally upset with him due to his anger and as such, my resentment is obvious and this is leading to a permanent state of tension. Some days he is feeling better, other days, he is always snappish with me and anything can set off a huge fight. He started speaking with a therapist - I was hoping that would help him but since he started therapy he brings up a divorce more frequently b/c I think he obviously vents about me and I am not perfect but he probably takes it ad litteram. He told me he only sees darkness, he no longer feels remorse or love other than for the baby. Intellectually he know he loves me, and he feels bad if he throws stuff at me or calls me names but emotionally he said, he just sees darkness. He is a great father. He is a great guy. I could have never imagined that depression can ruin him and us. Any solutions out there? Please.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was behaving exactly the same way and I changed my medications.

Wellbutrin, lexapro, celexa, buspar and many others caused me to become very irritable.

It all disappeared when I started using Viibryd. The issues went out by the third day. Like
Magic. thank

Zero issues in five months, when I started using it. Zero irritable behaviors or arguments with my wife.

Super expensive, but totally worth it.

Thans, I'll look into it. He's taking lexapro now.

Anonymous wrote:I was behaving exactly the same way and I changed my medications.

Wellbutrin, lexapro, celexa, buspar and many others caused me to become very irritable.

It all disappeared when I started using Viibryd. The issues went out by the third day. Like
Magic. thank

Zero issues in five months, when I started using it. Zero irritable behaviors or arguments with my wife.

Super expensive, but totally worth it.