Anonymous wrote:First, concentrate of the quality of your sleep. Dark room, meditate to sleep, soothing surroundings, comfortable bed.

Second, look at improving your concentration and performance at work to get your 1.5 hours of “home work” done at work. No more working from home.

Third, get a nanny who handles everything for the baby as outlined above and does some home management to take care of things like the refrigerator breaking. Educated, smart, English-fluent in speaking and reading nannies cost more but are worth it.

Fourth, set unbreakable rules for your sleep time except for the baby’s needs. The phone/computer goes off at 9 for example and in the kitchen.

Doing all the above got me thru a very demanding job while going to graduate school when my son was young. And as a single parent.

Great advice! Especially #2. My mantra is, “if I can’t get it done during the work hours, it can’t be done”. I refuse to work from home.

First, concentrate of the quality of your sleep. Dark room, meditate to sleep, soothing surroundings, comfortable bed.

Second, look at improving your concentration and performance at work to get your 1.5 hours of “home work” done at work. No more working from home.

Third, get a nanny who handles everything for the baby as outlined above and does some home management to take care of things like the refrigerator breaking. Educated, smart, English-fluent in speaking and reading nannies cost more but are worth it.

Fourth, set unbreakable rules for your sleep time except for the baby’s needs. The phone/computer goes off at 9 for example and in the kitchen.

Doing all the above got me thru a very demanding job while going to graduate school when my son was young. And as a single parent.

Op you are asking the wrong questions. This isn’t sustainable. Baby/toddlerhood is actually the easiest time to work a demanding job because they go to bed early and nap on weekends giving you a work block. Most people want a second kid and you won’t be able to do that. Trust me. I’ve done the leg work and my husband and I have both leaned back in our careers so that we actually have time to be parents, sleep, exercisE, and spend time together. One day hopefully a long time from now you will be close to death and you will think about how you spent your time on this earth.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Work less or hire someone for ALL your chores. Men who work 55-60 hrs/wk don't also cook for the baby and do household chores, make dr's appts, etc etc etc. You need a stay at home husband or a husband who works part-time, or you need to hire some kind of household manager.

How do you have 100+ hrs of work between the two of you and can't afford a house that doesn't need fixing + a working fridge? Maybe you should rent for awhile or something?

OP: We do have a working fridge But my point is when it broke, I had to look up what was wrong for 1 hour, make phone calls the next day to find a technician, coordinate with the technician to come over, clean up the mess, etc. Similarly with the leak. My point is I do very little in terms of business as usual chores around the house so I can't complain about that but this other stuff still alway adds up for a few hours a week cause there's always something.

Agree with your point - but who does these tasks for these men?

Who does these tasks for men? Their wives.

That much work with a small child and a working spouse is not sustainable. In my house, DH’s commute + work is about 8:30-6, then again after I go to bed for a couple hours. Probably 55-60 hours a week. But I do literally everything else.

Do you work on the weekend? I’d try to get in a little later or cut the evening work at least a couple of times a week and make up the work during nap time on the weekend if you have to.

And try to squeeze in some exercise. I am someone who absolutely hates working out but it does help a lot with energy levels.

I had a demanding job when I had my first. I often missed bedtime because my son fell asleep by 7. I didn’t last long at that job. I got a 40 hour per week and had a second baby. That still wasn’t enough time with the kids. I now am a SAHM wirh 3 kids.

I get about 6 hours of sleep a night. The only thing I could really cut is the "me" time I take between 10pm or 11pm and 12am when I go to bed, and I don't want to cut that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Work less or hire someone for ALL your chores. Men who work 55-60 hrs/wk don't also cook for the baby and do household chores, make dr's appts, etc etc etc. You need a stay at home husband or a husband who works part-time, or you need to hire some kind of household manager.

How do you have 100+ hrs of work between the two of you and can't afford a house that doesn't need fixing + a working fridge? Maybe you should rent for awhile or something?

OP: We do have a working fridge But my point is when it broke, I had to look up what was wrong for 1 hour, make phone calls the next day to find a technician, coordinate with the technician to come over, clean up the mess, etc. Similarly with the leak. My point is I do very little in terms of business as usual chores around the house so I can't complain about that but this other stuff still alway adds up for a few hours a week cause there's always something.

Agree with your point - but who does these tasks for these men?

I get it op. My house runs like a well oiled machine but things still break nonstop and need ordered/ repaired etc. it’s unreasonable to think they don’t, even in brand new homes.

You might need a nanny. Do you have one? Nannies can do kid laundry and prepare kid dinners or prep your dinner too. And if you make enough, maybe a housekeeper would work. They’re $$$ but would do house maintenance (things like calling for repairs), prep dinner and do a lot more.

Ok I have similar hours. A few things- it shouldn’t take you 45 minutes to leave in the morning. I wear professional clothes and suits, but have figured out my hair. I do amazing buns, Gibson rolls and up dos in 5 minutes. For my most dressy days I wash my hair the night before. When I wake up I curl it/ blow it out/ hot rollers. And then it’s good for 2 days. I am out the door 15 minutes after wake up. I do light makeup and then do more makeup in the car and at my desk while sorting emails. My closet is really organized so it’s easy to figure out what to wear. Dh takes our 3 kids to daycare.

I get 30 min for lunch. I basically never eat or I shovel food in quick (guess it keeps me thin being busy!) Lunch is when I do all my house admin stuff. It makes sense too because doctors and other professionals are only at work during my work hours and that’s when I make appointments. I purchase things for like 15 min at night on my iPhone while I’m unwinding and laying in bed.

Lastly I outsource a lot at work to my team. This takes a lot of initial work but after a while they can do it.

I’m in bed by 10:30, asleep before 11 and wake up at 7. I have a 5 minute commute and am always at my desk by 7:30

Anonymous wrote:Work less or hire someone for ALL your chores. Men who work 55-60 hrs/wk don't also cook for the baby and do household chores, make dr's appts, etc etc etc. You need a stay at home husband or a husband who works part-time, or you need to hire some kind of household manager.

How do you have 100+ hrs of work between the two of you and can't afford a house that doesn't need fixing + a working fridge? Maybe you should rent for awhile or something?

OP: We do have a working fridge But my point is when it broke, I had to look up what was wrong for 1 hour, make phone calls the next day to find a technician, coordinate with the technician to come over, clean up the mess, etc. Similarly with the leak. My point is I do very little in terms of business as usual chores around the house so I can't complain about that but this other stuff still alway adds up for a few hours a week cause there's always something.

Agree with your point - but who does these tasks for these men?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only solution it to work less. I work 8-4:30 and make over $150k. Its enough with dh working about 7-4 and bringing in the same amount. Just not worth it to work more and have less time for life.

This, though my husband works longer hours (but with flexibility to do the work outside of business hours, which allows him to still be helpful around the house).

OP: I have flexibility too other than the start time. BUT it still eats into my sleep. I am exhausted. TBH, 6.5 hours is not that little. It just does not cut it for me. I am starting to not be as sharp at work.

You are working or commuting 13 hrs a day. That is not flexibility. I get that its really really hard to realize you have to opt out of things to have the kind of family life you want. (And sleep).

Work less or hire someone for ALL your chores. Men who work 55-60 hrs/wk don't also cook for the baby and do household chores, make dr's appts, etc etc etc. You need a stay at home husband or a husband who works part-time, or you need to hire some kind of household manager.

How do you have 100+ hrs of work between the two of you and can't afford a house that doesn't need fixing + a working fridge? Maybe you should rent for awhile or something?

Cut work.

Can you not work in the evening, the 8:9-30pm time and instead put in 1/2 a day on the weekend to catch up? Then you'd get more sleep at least

I don't think there's more you can outsource. Can you cut out the work from 8-9:30 pm or leave later in the morning for work but come home at the same time? Why do you have to work this much? Do you enjoy it?

I know these decisions are challenging. Right now I'm working long hours on something I'm incredibly passionate about, but I'm not commuting and my kids are elementary aged so can entertain themselves better than a baby could. It's a sacrifice to not have as much time with them and I'm not willing to do this long-term. When my kids were little, I didn't work more than 8.5 hours per day and it was still very hard with the commute and being out of the house for 11-12 hours per day. I really recommend limiting your work hours somehow. Maybe you're working that much and doing an A+ job, but it might be worth it to work 2 hours less per day and do an A- job so you can sleep and spend time with your family.