I'm always with my kids after dinner because I don't see them much during the workday. I don't think many are that independent, and like others have said, they want to see you.

Can you include them in the cleaning and helping? Can you play a game with the 4 year old while helping the older one with work?

Each of you take a day off work and fix the yard. If it can't be fixed in a day hire someone, you are clearly over your head.

Just echoing what others have said— my 4 yr old will play independently for stretches, but especially during the evening she wants to feel a part of the family, not pushed aside. We do things that bring everyone together, and then related activities that can be fine independently. So after dinner we’ll put on music and kids will dance and play around together for 15-20 minutes, and then we’ll split up for baths, reading time, etc. Or we’ll play a game together and then the 4 yr old will draw pictures of us playing the game while we do homework with another child. And so on.

We call these evening hours “cozy time” and they are about family connection, even if we are doing different things. We turn down lights, light candles, put on music, put on slippers and sweats.

We also do group chores like watering houseplants, straightening up the living area, or bringing laundry to the laundry room.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How independent is your 4 year old in the evening?

We have family dinner at 6, bedtime is 8. Often I’m busy cleaning or helping older kid with homework, and DH will be working or doing yard/home repair.

I’ve tried to get 4 yr to color on her own or look at books but she wants company or even for someone to play with her (card game, pretend kitchen, etc)

How have folks fostered independence in their preschooler?

Both your kids need to be more independent, your 4yo and older child. How much homework help does older child need every night? Also clean after all the kids are in bed. Sounds like you are just avoiding the younger kid and want to relax as soon as all the kids are in bed which is why you are cleaning from 6-8, so you get your "me" time in. I get it, but you might need to rethink your strategy because it's not working and is short changing the 4yo a bit.

Actually, no I don't get me time, I have to work more after kids go to bed.

The older child struggles in school, probably ADHD or something similar. It's not every night, but its often enough that our youngest is whining often.

DH wants to spend time with the kid, but we have a yard situation that is dangerous and we haven't had the time to fix it (i was sick, he was sick, weekend work, etc).

Get the 4 year old some workbooks and work with them.

Hire the older child a tutor.

Pay someone to do the yard.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How independent is your 4 year old in the evening?

We have family dinner at 6, bedtime is 8. Often I’m busy cleaning or helping older kid with homework, and DH will be working or doing yard/home repair.

I’ve tried to get 4 yr to color on her own or look at books but she wants company or even for someone to play with her (card game, pretend kitchen, etc)

How have folks fostered independence in their preschooler?

Both your kids need to be more independent, your 4yo and older child. How much homework help does older child need every night? Also clean after all the kids are in bed. Sounds like you are just avoiding the younger kid and want to relax as soon as all the kids are in bed which is why you are cleaning from 6-8, so you get your "me" time in. I get it, but you might need to rethink your strategy because it's not working and is short changing the 4yo a bit.

Actually, no I don't get me time, I have to work more after kids go to bed.

The older child struggles in school, probably ADHD or something similar. It's not every night, but its often enough that our youngest is whining often.

DH wants to spend time with the kid, but we have a yard situation that is dangerous and we haven't had the time to fix it (i was sick, he was sick, weekend work, etc).

If you are working that hard you should have enough money to pay someone to fix your yard or tutor the elder kid

Don't ignore your 4 year old. If they've been in day care all day, they need attention too. Kids have two parents. Dad needs to spend some time with the kids and stop being selfish or hire a babysitter for the 4 year old if it comes down to ignoring them or paying someone else.