Anonymous wrote:No the joke was stupid and not acceptable.

The better thing is for him to say you are big and then help you achieve your goals.

However have you made it your number 2 goal (behind your kids) to get fit?
Are you getting proper sleep, eating healthy, working out 2x a day?
Has your husband talked to you about what he can do to help/support the above?

Instead of jokes, he needs to find constructive ways to make you stop eating so much and get in shape.

To put it bluntly, you are eating your way to an early death. You’ll leave your kids motherless if you don’t do something about your obesity.

This is simply a matter of health. If your husband won’t make you reduce your food intake, you’ll just have to take personal responsibility and do the right thing for your children.

Sorry if the truth is harsh, but you are an adult and you have kids. Live for them.

My DH makes fun of me all the time, but not for things that I'm sensitive about. He'll joke about something that I could also joke about, such as my sense of direction.

What your DH said is awful. I'm not sure how you should proceed, depends on how often these sorts of things happen. I would say, however, that young kids watching their dad disrespect and hurt their mom on a regular basis cannot be good for them.

Anonymous wrote:he is "joking" because your weight gain bothers him and he's trying to tell you that. would you prefer him to tell you directly and say that he doesn't find you attractive? Would that be better?

Or he truly does t care about the weight.

I would feel hurt by that.

I think there are some people who make jokes because they are insensitive/don't realize the jokes hurt the other person.

However, unfortunately, IMHO, more often people say mean things/make jokes at the expense of others because pushing other people down makes them feel better about themselves, and I consider that deplorable.

Anonymous wrote:If it hurts your feelings, then that should matter to him. He won’t know it hurts you unless you tell him. I second the advice to tell him at a neutral time.

For the people telling you to “just lose weight,” ignore them. Our country has a national obesity epidemic and a multi-billion dollar diet industry. It’s not easy and most people trying are failing. You deserve love and respect from your spouse at any weight.

+1

I don't think it's ever funny or appropriate to make fun of someone's physical appearance, but he may not have that same opinion, and so I do think it is important to let him know that it hurts. He may also be simply insensitive or passive aggressive which are just unfortunate qualities in any partner, but that can be corrected. I always my husband to know that I am not one of the guys and to treat me better.

Anonymous wrote:My DH would never make a joke like that, but he knows I am sensitive about weight issues/criticism. However, there are probably things he would joke about (e.g., my outdated/schlubby wardrobe) that would offend others, but I'm ok with. It really depends on your relationship.

I would suggest saying to him simply "Ouch. Babe, that hurts. You know I'm trying to lose weight and it's a sensitive issue for me." He may just think it's funny and will stop if he knows it's painful for you.

But is she really trying to lose the weight? My wife has gained 40+ pounds since we met and always says she's trying to lose weight (and isn't.) Yet she still eats more than me, doesn't exercise daily, and often makes other eating choices she knows aren't the best.

And I do find her less attractive. And she knows that.

That said, jokes and comments from me about her eating don't help. So I keep it zipped.

My DH would never make a joke like that, but he knows I am sensitive about weight issues/criticism. However, there are probably things he would joke about (e.g., my outdated/schlubby wardrobe) that would offend others, but I'm ok with. It really depends on your relationship.

I would suggest saying to him simply "Ouch. Babe, that hurts. You know I'm trying to lose weight and it's a sensitive issue for me." He may just think it's funny and will stop if he knows it's painful for you.

I’d be very offended. He’s joking that you’re an object because of your weight. Also, jokes and I implying you won’t reach your goals are not effective motivators.

I’d be having a serious come to Jesus moment with him. As in, if you can not act like my husband, you can not be my husband.

If it hurts your feelings, then that should matter to him. He won’t know it hurts you unless you tell him. I second the advice to tell him at a neutral time.

For the people telling you to “just lose weight,” ignore them. Our country has a national obesity epidemic and a multi-billion dollar diet industry. It’s not easy and most people trying are failing. You deserve love and respect from your spouse at any weight.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this his routine behavior?

Not this bad usually, but yes he’s said stuff like this before.

And about other things too. Even before I gained weight he was implying that I wouldn’t be able to achieve a couple of my goals (which he denies now).

Just curious how typical this type of thing is and how other women deal with it. He thinks I’m being too sensitive.

You don't know that he was implying anything. You just inferred it. You sound like you might be over sensitive. Trying laughing it off next time.

he is "joking" because your weight gain bothers him and he's trying to tell you that. would you prefer him to tell you directly and say that he doesn't find you attractive? Would that be better?

Anonymous wrote:OP, what did you try to lose weight that did not work? It is actually pretty straightforward. You need a calorie deficit and ideally some extra activity if you can fit it in. And I am not saying you should do it for your husband. Do it for yourself. You will feel much better. The reason you find that comment so hurtful is because you are not happy with how you look either. Change it. It is possible.

+1 the "trying to lose weight for a couple of years" thing is kind of a cop out. either buckle down and do it or be honest with yourself and your husband and say it's not happening now. That's what happened to me. I knew I wanted to lose weight and get into shape, but I just couldn't get myself mentally, emotionally and physically "there" to do it until my kids were a bit older. Then it got much easier.

It was not nice of him. BUT, clearly your weight gain bothers or concerns him. So I would urge you to have honest conversations with one another about these things. Do you intend to try and get back into shape? I gained a lot of weight and only recently started getting serious about losing the weight. It's hard, I know. I'm a married woman, and mother of two btw.

Anonymous wrote:Pretty insensitive if he knows you are trying to lose weight. I guess we need to stop ragging my husband about his 6-months-pregnant belly

She has been trying to lose weight for years. By this time he probably stopped hoping it will ever happen.

That fact that you are contemplating leaving over a joke seems to indicate something about you.