Anonymous wrote:I probably shouldn’t have worded the post for my brother. I should have worded it as if I were dating someone new. Guess too late now.

What good would that have done? Then you could go up to your brother with a bunch of comments responding to you-who-pretended-to-be-him and tell him to dump his girlfriend?

I am in therapy so I say this sincerely: you should get therapy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The red flag isn't therapy, to me as someone who has been to therapy and recommended it. IF I were your brother I'd be concerned she's not in a stable enough place for a relationship and be able to be a partner.


But another red flag is a busybody sister and BIL.

Seriously.

He wants to bring her to our house for the holidays. It isn’t like we are trying to hang out with them. I couldn’t care less who he has flings with. I care who will become family.

You really truly do not get a say. Im not usually the type of person to say this but don’t make drama where there is none.

I probably shouldn’t have worded the post for my brother. I should have worded it as if I were dating someone new. Guess too late now.

Anonymous wrote:Yes I think it’s a bad sign. The people I know in therapy have issues. Big ones.

There are people you know and love who are stable and happy in part because they are in therapy. Or a thriving rather than just surviving because they are in therapy. But they aren’t telling you about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The red flag isn't therapy, to me as someone who has been to therapy and recommended it. IF I were your brother I'd be concerned she's not in a stable enough place for a relationship and be able to be a partner.


But another red flag is a busybody sister and BIL.

Seriously.

He wants to bring her to our house for the holidays. It isn’t like we are trying to hang out with them. I couldn’t care less who he has flings with. I care who will become family.

Absolutely not.

Anonymous wrote:The red flag isn't therapy, to me as someone who has been to therapy and recommended it. IF I were your brother I'd be concerned she's not in a stable enough place for a relationship and be able to be a partner.


But another red flag is a busybody sister and BIL.

Seriously.

Anonymous wrote:Huh.

So your brother is in a new relationship and his girlfriend and needs to talk to her therapist and he divulged that to you? And you think it’s wise to get involved and write about it on an anonymous forum to seek strangers advice. Are you planning on getting further involved and passing on this advice to your brother, who presumably is in his 30’s?

And you think the red flag is for her?

She has a ticking biological clock.

He is looking for a wife, not trying to casually date. He wanted to bring her over for the holidays.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, of course. Mental illness is a disease like any other. But making a life with a sick person is harder than making a life with a healthy person.

Thing is so much of mental health doesn’t show up until later in a marriage because people mask it. OP’s brother’s GF isn’t, so maybe that is a positive. She is working on it before the marriage. Hard to know. Is she independent and functional?

You're seriously asking if she's "independent and functional"? I've been in therapy and on meds for thirty years. I also am a partner at my law firm, own two houses, am married with two kids, run marathons, have friends, etc.

Also, I should mention that "mental health" is not the same thing as "mental health problems" or "mental health issues".
It doesn't make sense to say "mental health doesn't show up until later".

You're very ignorant.

PP here- Yes, I’m asking if she is independent and functional. Seriously asking. If she isn’t, it is a red flag to me. She may not be, I don’t know. Do you? No.

I’m in therapy and have meds. I’m independent and functional and therapy and meds are a non-issue for me. It should be a non-issue for OP too unless the GF is not able to function or be independent.

You are correct about the mental health problems or issues not being the same as mental health. it was a typo.

Since you are a partner in a law firm, I’ll assume you don’t always jump to assumptions as quickly as you did here.

Anonymous wrote:Huh.

So your brother is in a new relationship and his girlfriend and needs to talk to her therapist and he divulged that to you? And you think it’s wise to get involved and write about it on an anonymous forum to seek strangers advice. Are you planning on getting further involved and passing on this advice to your brother, who presumably is in his 30’s?

And you think the red flag is for her?

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, of course. Mental illness is a disease like any other. But making a life with a sick person is harder than making a life with a healthy person.

Thing is so much of mental health doesn’t show up until later in a marriage because people mask it. OP’s brother’s GF isn’t, so maybe that is a positive. She is working on it before the marriage. Hard to know. Is she independent and functional?

You're seriously asking if she's "independent and functional"? I've been in therapy and on meds for thirty years. I also am a partner at my law firm, own two houses, am married with two kids, run marathons, have friends, etc.

Also, I should mention that "mental health" is not the same thing as "mental health problems" or "mental health issues".
It doesn't make sense to say "mental health doesn't show up until later".

You're very ignorant.

Why are you on meds? What are your DX?

Why are you on DCUM?

Anxiety.
I'm here for the same reason everyone else is.

The girlfriend might want to run from he guy and his family who have no understanding of boundaries whatsoever.

Huh.

So your brother is in a new relationship and his girlfriend and needs to talk to her therapist and he divulged that to you? And you think it’s wise to get involved and write about it on an anonymous forum to seek strangers advice. Are you planning on getting further involved and passing on this advice to your brother, who presumably is in his 30’s?

And you think the red flag is for her?

Red flag.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, of course. Mental illness is a disease like any other. But making a life with a sick person is harder than making a life with a healthy person.

Thing is so much of mental health doesn’t show up until later in a marriage because people mask it. OP’s brother’s GF isn’t, so maybe that is a positive. She is working on it before the marriage. Hard to know. Is she independent and functional?

You're seriously asking if she's "independent and functional"? I've been in therapy and on meds for thirty years. I also am a partner at my law firm, own two houses, am married with two kids, run marathons, have friends, etc.

Also, I should mention that "mental health" is not the same thing as "mental health problems" or "mental health issues".
It doesn't make sense to say "mental health doesn't show up until later".

You're very ignorant.

Why are you on meds? What are your DX?

Why are you on DCUM?