As advice to newlyweds, do it all now, because once the babies start coming, having sex 1x every two weeks will seem like going at it like rabbits!

Anonymous wrote:You’re going to be absolutely exhausted after the wedding. We did the deed almost out of obligation but we were just pooped.

I’m a fan of Dan Savage’s advice to do the deed before a big event. Do it the morning of!

So much this.

My husband was just out of town for two weeks. It was great upon return but also I was very on edge and crabby by that point. Not sure I’d want that on my wedding day.

We did, for a month. Then my wife was so wiped out after the wedding she passed out! The next morning was AMAZING though.

Anonymous wrote:I don't get what's "regressive" about abstaining for some period of time before the wedding.

It's going to happen naturally from time to time anyway, for example, when either of you gets sent out of town for work.

Regressive would be "you never had sex at all before the wedding".

The idea of abstaining for a period of time before the wedding used to be to maintain some pretense of “purity” for couples who were having pre-marital sex but believed on some level it was wrong. If people are doing it now solely to recharge a sex life that’s become a bit ho-hum, more power to them but it seems a little odd to tie it specifically to the wedding day because it still harkens back to older times when people (or at least women) were expected to be virgins on their wedding nights, with them all the pressure for wedding night sex to be amazing because it was built up that way. Continuing to make that a thing seems like people are setting themselves up for potential disappointment if wedding night sex doesn’t turn out to be mind-blowing (which it often isn’t because people are exhausted by the end of the day).

I don't get what's "regressive" about abstaining for some period of time before the wedding.

It's going to happen naturally from time to time anyway, for example, when either of you gets sent out of town for work.

Regressive would be "you never had sex at all before the wedding".

We're abstaining now instead, but we've been married for 20 years. Does that count?

Kind of sounds like a recipe for short wedding day sex. Which is fine. But I'd say there night be some premature downsides.

Not for me but whatever floats your boat.

I always thought there was too much emphasis put in wedding day sex anyway. It's just one time out of thousands on a day you're likely exhausted. Big picture.

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Anonymous wrote:That seems kind of silly and regressive.

No. The times where he was out of town or a week where we were super busy and didn’t have the time was hot. It was like a raw sexual nature took over and we couldn’t wait to get our hands on each other. It was like having sex again for the first time. We abstained for two weeks before the wedding and it made it made the desire much stronger.

Have you continued to deliberately abstain for periods of time since getting married to boost your sexual desire?

No.

So sex had gotten boring before your wedding but didn’t get boring again afterward? I am trying to understand a reason for your decision that doesn’t ultimately feed into some outdated notions of pre-marital purity.

No. The sex is still amazing. It has nothing to do what purity. It was just the time of being away made our connection and desire much stronger and we wanted that again. We f*cked the entire honeymoon and it was bliss.

Stop with the purity nonsense. I never once mentioned that or said anything about it.

I also never said sex was boring. I said the desire was much stronger with time away or busy weeks. Stop trying to twist my words and make drama where there is none.

Hey, you do you. I still think it seems silly and regressive.

New poster, not the one to whom you're responding, PP in bold but....Do you see how telling someone "you do you" then following that by insulting their choice as "silly and regressive" (doubling down, since you said that once already) is contradictory?

Why the compulsion to be insulting? That poster and others have said what works for them. It doesn't work for you. You do you. See how that's supposed to go?

Yes, and I am the person whose husband doesn't want to go swimming—not working out so well.

Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine told me that her and her husband abstained from sex for two weeks before the wedding. She said it made the sex much more exciting and something to look forward to. I’m considering it. Have you ever done it? Do you think it was worth it?

Any couple who stops having sex for a week will be super horny. That's normal! It's the same as a spouse leaving town for work for 5-7 days and returning. You go right to the bedroom. All the pent up sexual tension needs releasing and it feels better. I'm sure for a wedding it works wonders.

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Anonymous wrote:That seems kind of silly and regressive.

No. The times where he was out of town or a week where we were super busy and didn’t have the time was hot. It was like a raw sexual nature took over and we couldn’t wait to get our hands on each other. It was like having sex again for the first time. We abstained for two weeks before the wedding and it made it made the desire much stronger.

Have you continued to deliberately abstain for periods of time since getting married to boost your sexual desire?

No.

So sex had gotten boring before your wedding but didn’t get boring again afterward? I am trying to understand a reason for your decision that doesn’t ultimately feed into some outdated notions of pre-marital purity.

No. The sex is still amazing. It has nothing to do what purity. It was just the time of being away made our connection and desire much stronger and we wanted that again. We f*cked the entire honeymoon and it was bliss.

Stop with the purity nonsense. I never once mentioned that or said anything about it.

I also never said sex was boring. I said the desire was much stronger with time away or busy weeks. Stop trying to twist my words and make drama where there is none.

Hey, you do you. I still think it seems silly and regressive.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That seems kind of silly and regressive.

No. The times where he was out of town or a week where we were super busy and didn’t have the time was hot. It was like a raw sexual nature took over and we couldn’t wait to get our hands on each other. It was like having sex again for the first time. We abstained for two weeks before the wedding and it made it made the desire much stronger.

Have you continued to deliberately abstain for periods of time since getting married to boost your sexual desire?

FYI, it's a thing. I know people who do that and it works for them.

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Anonymous wrote:That seems kind of silly and regressive.

No. The times where he was out of town or a week where we were super busy and didn’t have the time was hot. It was like a raw sexual nature took over and we couldn’t wait to get our hands on each other. It was like having sex again for the first time. We abstained for two weeks before the wedding and it made it made the desire much stronger.

Have you continued to deliberately abstain for periods of time since getting married to boost your sexual desire?

No.

So sex had gotten boring before your wedding but didn’t get boring again afterward? I am trying to understand a reason for your decision that doesn’t ultimately feed into some outdated notions of pre-marital purity.

No. The sex is still amazing. It has nothing to do what purity. It was just the time of being away made our connection and desire much stronger and we wanted that again. We f*cked the entire honeymoon and it was bliss.

Stop with the purity nonsense. I never once mentioned that or said anything about it.

I also never said sex was boring. I said the desire was much stronger with time away or busy weeks. Stop trying to twist my words and make drama where there is none.

This has always felt to me like something characters in movies and TV shows do but no one in real life actually does.