Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what's your question?

How best to approach my DD about this? Should I talk to her or let her be?
This isn't a post to put anyone in a bad light.

Tell her not to bite the hand that feeds her, because her stepmother holds ALL the cards. She is the wife now. I'd beware and play nice. Plus, while it may seem yuck now, many years from now, when your daughter is 46 and her sister is 30, they might be glad to have each other.

OP here ..what do you mean holds all the cards?

NP here. I’m guessing she means access to her dad and her dad’s money. Obviously, I’m sure he pays child support but that’s a drop in the bucket compared to how much it actually costs to raise a child. Sports, Activities, clothes, trips, a car, spending money, all the extras that make it easier to launch can be vetoed by the stepmom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter is 16, not six.

Do not coddle her by allowing her to think being mean to the baby is okay.

It's okay for her to feel hurt that he didn't tell her about the wedding or the pregnancy. Though that's partially on her for ignoring his phone calls.

A therapist could be a good idea.

OP here my ex MIL said the same that she should have answered his phone calls instead of responding with texts 3 days later. She's a teenager so what do you expect. I can't force her.
Her step mom did make an effort with her including flying to D.C to visit her. Yale her shopping whenever she visited them, watch movies with her. She even took me out to dinner ( my daughter hated his previous girlfriend) but from the first meeting really liked step mom. Her dad had asked her at the time if she would be ok with them having a baby but this was 2 years ago.

Wait- he’s complaining to his mom about this? And she’s taking sides? That’s bad.

There’s no scenario where the dad isn’t fully in the wrong here. I also primarily text my kids. If I have something important to say like a birth or a wedding, I text

“I need to talk to you about something important. Call me back today.”

It really is that simple. The dad is a loser.

Anonymous wrote:Or 32 and 16. Babysitter!!!

Pp what are you talking about? That her half sister will babysit for her?

I think your title is misleading, OP. It's not that she dislikes a baby, exactly. More like "DD angry that dad remarried and had baby without telling her"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They didn’t tell her all the way up to the birth? Surprise, we had a baby?

I’d be pissed too. Not shocking she’s taking it out by ignoring the baby, but she’ll probably come around. It’s just so new. Hopefully you’re validating her feelings that it was wrong for her dad and stepmom to keep it from her, because it was.

OP here yes they video called from the hospital and said here's your sister oh and we got married. My DD hasn't been all that close to her dad ever. They get along just fine but it's more of a let's do fun things rather than have a deep meaningful relationship.

He didn’t tell her about the baby and the wedding until afterwards and he wonder’s why she has poor communication skills?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what's your question?

How best to approach my DD about this? Should I talk to her or let her be?
This isn't a post to put anyone in a bad light.

Tell her not to bite the hand that feeds her, because her stepmother holds ALL the cards. She is the wife now. I'd beware and play nice. Plus, while it may seem yuck now, many years from now, when your daughter is 46 and her sister is 30, they might be glad to have each other.

OP here ..what do you mean holds all the cards?

Or 32 and 16. Babysitter!!!

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter is 16, not six.

Do not coddle her by allowing her to think being mean to the baby is okay.

It's okay for her to feel hurt that he didn't tell her about the wedding or the pregnancy. Though that's partially on her for ignoring his phone calls.

A therapist could be a good idea.

Ignoring a baby isnt being mean. Most likely they wouldn't be close due to the age gap and we don't know how far away dad lives

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what's your question?

How best to approach my DD about this? Should I talk to her or let her be?
This isn't a post to put anyone in a bad light.

Tell her not to bite the hand that feeds her, because her stepmother holds ALL the cards. She is the wife now. I'd beware and play nice. Plus, while it may seem yuck now, many years from now, when your daughter is 46 and her sister is 30, they might be glad to have each other.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what's your question?

How best to approach my DD about this? Should I talk to her or let her be?
This isn't a post to put anyone in a bad light.

I'd just casually ask her about the baby every so often. My guess is she'll come around. Especially if you keep mentioning the baby in a positive light.

Np. How could op talj about a bsby she doesn't know? Personally, I wouldn't get involved. It is between the dd and her dad.

At 16 she will not understand the complexities of why her dad did not mention the pregnancy, she is probably only seeing this from her own point of view and ultimately the world doesn't revolve around her. She won't get it until she is older.

This is something the dad and step mom will have to work through with her.

Its ok to be hurt but pointless in taking that out on a baby. She will most likely come around however all you can do is listen if she wants to talk.

Anonymous wrote:He could have told her over text (that is how 16 year olds communicate) either a lead up to the big news or a hey can we talk I have big news. He really failed here. It’s not on her that she didn’t pick up phone calls. She’s 16, there are a million memes and TikToks about how her generation doesn’t answer the phone it was the father’s responsibility to meet her at her comfort zone.

Everything else aside- so he should talk to her through tik tok? Is that how she will conduct herself in the work place. No offense OP but your daughter sounds like a brat. Is she really interested in acting like a family with the? No need to wrap her up in cotton wool.
I get she's a teenager but come on that isn't an excuse for bad behavior

He could have told her over text (that is how 16 year olds communicate) either a lead up to the big news or a hey can we talk I have big news. He really failed here. It’s not on her that she didn’t pick up phone calls. She’s 16, there are a million memes and TikToks about how her generation doesn’t answer the phone it was the father’s responsibility to meet her at her comfort zone.

If he was calling and she wasn’t answering does she feel partially responsible for not knowing?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter is 16, not six.

Do not coddle her by allowing her to think being mean to the baby is okay.

It's okay for her to feel hurt that he didn't tell her about the wedding or the pregnancy. Though that's partially on her for ignoring his phone calls.

A therapist could be a good idea.

OP here my ex MIL said the same that she should have answered his phone calls instead of responding with texts 3 days later. She's a teenager so what do you expect. I can't force her.
Her step mom did make an effort with her including flying to D.C to visit her. Yale her shopping whenever she visited them, watch movies with her. She even took me out to dinner ( my daughter hated his previous girlfriend) but from the first meeting really liked step mom. Her dad had asked her at the time if she would be ok with them having a baby but this was 2 years ago.

Wait- he’s complaining to his mom about this? And she’s taking sides? That’s bad.