Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. My sister shared her morning sickness misery with me for weeks after I miscarried my first pregnancy. Perhaps she thought that would somehow make me feel better? Like “look on the bright side, at least you aren’t sick as a dog like me!” I wanted to slap her. I have a child now and know first hand how miserable she felt but really, like PP said, I was not her audience. Lots of hugs and be good to yourself. When that baby is a little older and knows and loves on you this will all be a blip.

I want to very gently say this isn’t fair. For some women who suffer from HG, the sickness is literally unbearable. My HG was so bad that I became suicidal. It was the darkest time in my life. If I had shared this with a friend who was struggling with infertility, whether I knew about their infertility or not, or would have been a cry, plead for some sort of companionship and soothing from a friend. Please, I say this with utmost intention of empathy, understand that some women aren’t just “complaining” about their morning sickness. They may be in a place that’s on the boundary of life or death.

PP and yes I totally get this. I had 2 friends hospitalized and felt terribly for them. She wasn’t one of them though. Just run of the mill morning sickness, same as I had later down the road. And I STILL would not have said anything about it to a suffering friend.

I’m so sorry for your loss, PP. I hope you’ve also been/will be able to create the beautiful family you desire. Lots of love.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. My sister shared her morning sickness misery with me for weeks after I miscarried my first pregnancy. Perhaps she thought that would somehow make me feel better? Like “look on the bright side, at least you aren’t sick as a dog like me!” I wanted to slap her. I have a child now and know first hand how miserable she felt but really, like PP said, I was not her audience. Lots of hugs and be good to yourself. When that baby is a little older and knows and loves on you this will all be a blip.

I want to very gently say this isn’t fair. For some women who suffer from HG, the sickness is literally unbearable. My HG was so bad that I became suicidal. It was the darkest time in my life. If I had shared this with a friend who was struggling with infertility, whether I knew about their infertility or not, or would have been a cry, plead for some sort of companionship and soothing from a friend. Please, I say this with utmost intention of empathy, understand that some women aren’t just “complaining” about their morning sickness. They may be in a place that’s on the boundary of life or death.

PP and yes I totally get this. I had 2 friends hospitalized and felt terribly for them. She wasn’t one of them though. Just run of the mill morning sickness, same as I had later down the road. And I STILL would not have said anything about it to a suffering friend.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. My sister shared her morning sickness misery with me for weeks after I miscarried my first pregnancy. Perhaps she thought that would somehow make me feel better? Like “look on the bright side, at least you aren’t sick as a dog like me!” I wanted to slap her. I have a child now and know first hand how miserable she felt but really, like PP said, I was not her audience. Lots of hugs and be good to yourself. When that baby is a little older and knows and loves on you this will all be a blip.

I want to very gently say this isn’t fair. For some women who suffer from HG, the sickness is literally unbearable. My HG was so bad that I became suicidal. It was the darkest time in my life. If I had shared this with a friend who was struggling with infertility, whether I knew about their infertility or not, or would have been a cry, plead for some sort of companionship and soothing from a friend. Please, I say this with utmost intention of empathy, understand that some women aren’t just “complaining” about their morning sickness. They may be in a place that’s on the boundary of life or death.

Right, but those are extremely rare cases and generally the person is hospitalized, correct? Our administrative assistant at work had HG and was in and out of the hospital. We all knew her case was serious. I would hope that someone in that situation would tell their friends the actual diagnosis and severity, not "just" morning sickness.

HG PP here. You’re correct it’s about 2% of pregnancies. I was indeed in and out of the hospital quite a bit. I do still think there’s some misunderstanding or lack of awareness around the condition though. I had a couple of folks in my own family remark that vomiting and really bad nausea was to be expected during pregnancy, even after DH and I explained that HG is an extreme condition and above and beyond what’s considered “normal” during pregnancy.

The message I suppose I’m trying to convey is that everyone is deserving of compassion, especially since we don’t know what they’re individual medical or psychological experiences have been. That includes watching our own discourse and knowing your audience, since many woman have the heartbreaking experience of infertility as all the other PPs have said. I hope I’ve shed a bit of light with my own experience and hope OP gets the family she wants and so deserves. Hugs to all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. My sister shared her morning sickness misery with me for weeks after I miscarried my first pregnancy. Perhaps she thought that would somehow make me feel better? Like “look on the bright side, at least you aren’t sick as a dog like me!” I wanted to slap her. I have a child now and know first hand how miserable she felt but really, like PP said, I was not her audience. Lots of hugs and be good to yourself. When that baby is a little older and knows and loves on you this will all be a blip.

I want to very gently say this isn’t fair. For some women who suffer from HG, the sickness is literally unbearable. My HG was so bad that I became suicidal. It was the darkest time in my life. If I had shared this with a friend who was struggling with infertility, whether I knew about their infertility or not, or would have been a cry, plead for some sort of companionship and soothing from a friend. Please, I say this with utmost intention of empathy, understand that some women aren’t just “complaining” about their morning sickness. They may be in a place that’s on the boundary of life or death.

Right, but those are extremely rare cases and generally the person is hospitalized, correct? Our administrative assistant at work had HG and was in and out of the hospital. We all knew her case was serious. I would hope that someone in that situation would tell their friends the actual diagnosis and severity, not "just" morning sickness.

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. My sister shared her morning sickness misery with me for weeks after I miscarried my first pregnancy. Perhaps she thought that would somehow make me feel better? Like “look on the bright side, at least you aren’t sick as a dog like me!” I wanted to slap her. I have a child now and know first hand how miserable she felt but really, like PP said, I was not her audience. Lots of hugs and be good to yourself. When that baby is a little older and knows and loves on you this will all be a blip.

I want to very gently say this isn’t fair. For some women who suffer from HG, the sickness is literally unbearable. My HG was so bad that I became suicidal. It was the darkest time in my life. If I had shared this with a friend who was struggling with infertility, whether I knew about their infertility or not, or would have been a cry, plead for some sort of companionship and soothing from a friend. Please, I say this with utmost intention of empathy, understand that some women aren’t just “complaining” about their morning sickness. They may be in a place that’s on the boundary of life or death.

I love the polite but direct “I’m not your audience” line.

OP, I’m sorry. People can be so insensitive.

I’m sorry, OP. My sister shared her morning sickness misery with me for weeks after I miscarried my first pregnancy. Perhaps she thought that would somehow make me feel better? Like “look on the bright side, at least you aren’t sick as a dog like me!” I wanted to slap her. I have a child now and know first hand how miserable she felt but really, like PP said, I was not her audience. Lots of hugs and be good to yourself. When that baby is a little older and knows and loves on you this will all be a blip.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To play devil’s advocate, I’m a super practical person. I had a hard time conceiving the first time and got help immediately - like 4 months in despite being young. I had a game plan for when and what I was going to advance to so I didn’t get bogged down in my emotions. And I followed it. I have a few friends who have been trying for years and it’s a little frustrating to hear them complain (maybe wrong word) about their situation when they’re trying the same things. 7 years is a really long time. If you’ve done IVF, go to donor eggs, if you’ve done that, go to adoption. I know it’s a s**** circumstance you’re in but sitting in it for another 7 years isn’t going to help. I’m not sure you can expect everyone to avoid your triggers for eternity. And if it really is an issue affecting your mental health then just tell her!

You sound insufferable. I wonder if you actually have any friends!

Ehh, I'm with PP here. As someone who also struggled w infertility, I think at some point there needs to be some recognition that this is your lot in life. Medical advances are allowing women to have kids who would not have had kids 60 years ago - which is great! - but also I think setting up a lot of women for unnecessary pain and unrealistic expectations. 7 years is a long time, at some point you just have to accept your genes. It's sad but reality.

I feel you, OP. My sister is pregnant (on her first cycle of course!) and I really want to tell her to shut the h*** up and stop updating me on every damn symptom and pregnancy related idea that pops in her head. It’s exciting and I’m excited for her, genuinely, but ugggghhhhhhhh, I am NOT her audience for this.

Anonymous wrote:To play devil’s advocate, I’m a super practical person. I had a hard time conceiving the first time and got help immediately - like 4 months in despite being young. I had a game plan for when and what I was going to advance to so I didn’t get bogged down in my emotions. And I followed it. I have a few friends who have been trying for years and it’s a little frustrating to hear them complain (maybe wrong word) about their situation when they’re trying the same things. 7 years is a really long time. If you’ve done IVF, go to donor eggs, if you’ve done that, go to adoption. I know it’s a s**** circumstance you’re in but sitting in it for another 7 years isn’t going to help. I’m not sure you can expect everyone to avoid your triggers for eternity. And if it really is an issue affecting your mental health then just tell her!

You sound insufferable. I wonder if you actually have any friends!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One time I was blathering on insensitively (not about fertility) to a close friend. She simply said “I am not your audience for this.” Message received.

np Did your friendship last? I have to admit I would find it tough to talk to a friend if they said that to me. It would make me worry that potentially another topic could come up and she say the same thing!

That's sad that you can't be friends with someone who clearly communicates. I don't have that problem so yes, we are still very close friends.

Lol, I'm 0.03 (the person who posted just beneath this post and I agree with the second person here. This is A+ communication for tough, sensitive situations. As someone who frequently has to navigate sensitive situations, I'm always on the look out for good sentences and phrases to use and this is excellent.

Anonymous wrote:One time I was blathering on insensitively (not about fertility) to a close friend. She simply said “I am not your audience for this.” Message received.

Not related to the rest of this thread, but I'm borrowing that. What a great, non-confrontational way to communicate, and set a boundary without blaming anyone! I'm using this from now on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One time I was blathering on insensitively (not about fertility) to a close friend. She simply said “I am not your audience for this.” Message received.

np Did your friendship last? I have to admit I would find it tough to talk to a friend if they said that to me. It would make me worry that potentially another topic could come up and she say the same thing!

That's sad that you can't be friends with someone who clearly communicates. I don't have that problem so yes, we are still very close friends.

Anonymous wrote:One time I was blathering on insensitively (not about fertility) to a close friend. She simply said “I am not your audience for this.” Message received.

np Did your friendship last? I have to admit I would find it tough to talk to a friend if they said that to me. It would make me worry that potentially another topic could come up and she say the same thing!