Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The old adage about second marriages is true.

I would be regretting building a life with him. You can’t make someone love you. You can’t make someone choose you. He didn’t want to be lonely, which is understandable, but it does suck for you.

It tells the 2nd wife exactly how he feels about her. However, if we spent a lot of years together I would make sure NOT to bury him with the 1st wife. In the end it would be up to her anyways.

He should be cremated. Pour his ashes in the ocean. Problem solved.

The real problem was the second marriage wasn't important to him. It seems many just marry to not be alone, what it tells me.

Why does it say that? Why wouldn't the inverse be true- that burying next to the second wife sent the message the first wife wasn't important?

Umm because he should be focused on the marriage he is in now. Of course your current marriage should be more important than your ex. Otherwise why stand up and make vows and get married then if your ex is still more important in your heart even if they are deceased. Figure that out in your heart before you get married again.

Are you a second wife of a widower, by chance? Or are yo a second wife of a divorcee? I'm guessing (hoping) the latter, and that you are bringing your feelings about your own situation, which is entirely different, to this one..

If he is a widow I kind of feel like that's on par. You accept that in becoming a 2nd wife.

Did they buy it as a family plot ? Was this an intention stated while the first wife was alive, and if yes were they ill for a long time? I’d understand if they’d set this up ahead of our relationship. I’d also understand if the family loss had been sudden. I’d prefer we (new family) also be buried or interned nearby, but if that were not possible I’d be ok with it

I think the child is the key thing here. I can absolutely understand wanting to be buried with your child who died as a child. I’d want to do the same thing.

If it were just the first wife, I don’t know. I’d probably want to see if there was a way for us to all be buried together. But I also think as you get older, these things matter less to you.

I have an aunt whose husband (my uncle) was tragically killed several years ago. She ended up remarrying his best friend, and my uncle still plays a large role in their marriage. Their wedding rings have all three of their names on it, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they were all buried together. I think as you get older, relationships become less about being possessive of another person, and more about sharing love, no matter what that looks like.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The old adage about second marriages is true.

I would be regretting building a life with him. You can’t make someone love you. You can’t make someone choose you. He didn’t want to be lonely, which is understandable, but it does suck for you.

It tells the 2nd wife exactly how he feels about her. However, if we spent a lot of years together I would make sure NOT to bury him with the 1st wife. In the end it would be up to her anyways.

He should be cremated. Pour his ashes in the ocean. Problem solved.

The real problem was the second marriage wasn't important to him. It seems many just marry to not be alone, what it tells me.

Why does it say that? Why wouldn't the inverse be true- that burying next to the second wife sent the message the first wife wasn't important?

Umm because he should be focused on the marriage he is in now. Of course your current marriage should be more important than your ex. Otherwise why stand up and make vows and get married then if your ex is still more important in your heart even if they are deceased. Figure that out in your heart before you get married again.

A deceased spouse is not an "ex spouse." It is your opinion that the love and bond in a second marriage needs to always be more or better, even when the first marriage ended in death?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The old adage about second marriages is true.

I would be regretting building a life with him. You can’t make someone love you. You can’t make someone choose you. He didn’t want to be lonely, which is understandable, but it does suck for you.

It tells the 2nd wife exactly how he feels about her. However, if we spent a lot of years together I would make sure NOT to bury him with the 1st wife. In the end it would be up to her anyways.

He should be cremated. Pour his ashes in the ocean. Problem solved.

The real problem was the second marriage wasn't important to him. It seems many just marry to not be alone, what it tells me.

Why does it say that? Why wouldn't the inverse be true- that burying next to the second wife sent the message the first wife wasn't important?

Umm because he should be focused on the marriage he is in now. Of course your current marriage should be more important than your ex. Otherwise why stand up and make vows and get married then if your ex is still more important in your heart even if they are deceased. Figure that out in your heart before you get married again.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The old adage about second marriages is true.

I would be regretting building a life with him. You can’t make someone love you. You can’t make someone choose you. He didn’t want to be lonely, which is understandable, but it does suck for you.

It tells the 2nd wife exactly how he feels about her. However, if we spent a lot of years together I would make sure NOT to bury him with the 1st wife. In the end it would be up to her anyways.

He should be cremated. Pour his ashes in the ocean. Problem solved.

The real problem was the second marriage wasn't important to him. It seems many just marry to not be alone, what it tells me.

Why does it say that? Why wouldn't the inverse be true- that burying next to the second wife sent the message the first wife wasn't important?

Hard for me to formulate an answer, because I just can't understand caring at all. When you're dead you're dead. Even if you believe in some sort of afterlife, your body is just a corpse. Burial itself seems odd to me. But I appreciate other people feel differently.

As you what it says about the relationship, I don't think too much. There is no right answer here. A second wife, assuming a widower, is not inherently any better or worse than a first wife, right? Or more loved? So either way someone this man was deeply in love with and shared a life with is "alone." If the second wife would be upset, why wouldn't the first? (Of course, that is absurd, but the whole premise is that feelings can somehow be hurt after death?)

Anonymous wrote:Assuming their deaths occurred 40 + years ago and he had been married to you longer than his first wife and you and he had more children together?

Hypothetical question based on watching an unsolved murder story on Youtube.

I think it would be up to the surviving wife and kids. Often old people that are sick may not be in the best state of mind.

I think it's amazing a man would tell that to his wife to begin with. "Honey, I've decided I want to be buried next to my first wife instead of you"!

That wouldn't happen, or a divorce would ensue.

Yes, but I would do it anyway.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The old adage about second marriages is true.

I would be regretting building a life with him. You can’t make someone love you. You can’t make someone choose you. He didn’t want to be lonely, which is understandable, but it does suck for you.

It tells the 2nd wife exactly how he feels about her. However, if we spent a lot of years together I would make sure NOT to bury him with the 1st wife. In the end it would be up to her anyways.

He should be cremated. Pour his ashes in the ocean. Problem solved.

The real problem was the second marriage wasn't important to him. It seems many just marry to not be alone, what it tells me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My grandma remarried after her first husband (my dad’s dad) died young. And the man she remarried was also a widower with children. When they died they each were buried with their first spouses.

My widower grandfather remarried and stayed married to his 2nd wife for 22 years. He was married to my grandmother for 40 years. When he died, he requested to be buried next to my grandmother and his wife honored that request. I remember being saddened by the thought of his wife being buried alone, but she didn’t seem too concerned

Once again it shows where his heart was all along. Really crappy for the second wife imo.

Anonymous wrote:My grandma remarried after her first husband (my dad’s dad) died young. And the man she remarried was also a widower with children. When they died they each were buried with their first spouses.

My widower grandfather remarried and stayed married to his 2nd wife for 22 years. He was married to my grandmother for 40 years. When he died, he requested to be buried next to my grandmother and his wife honored that request. I remember being saddened by the thought of his wife being buried alone, but she didn’t seem too concerned

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The old adage about second marriages is true.

I would be regretting building a life with him. You can’t make someone love you. You can’t make someone choose you. He didn’t want to be lonely, which is understandable, but it does suck for you.

It tells the 2nd wife exactly how he feels about her. However, if we spent a lot of years together I would make sure NOT to bury him with the 1st wife. In the end it would be up to her anyways.

He should be cremated. Pour his ashes in the ocean. Problem solved.