Anonymous
Post 02/01/2022 15:55     Subject: Can someone explain foster care to me?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My sister and her husband are fostering a 4yo. They hope to adopt, but it is complicated. There is still some visitation with the maternal grandparents, and the paternity of the father has never been determined. If a father is found and confirmed, he would have rights. Ultimately, they do hope to adopt.

I have a dear friend whose family fostered a teenager who knew the whole time that their goal was to give her a safe and loving home until she was 18, and from there they helped her (to an extent) get a job, go to a community college, and get a place to live. They spend holidays together, etc., but I do not believe she expects to be in their will. They met and kind of had a shared goal that they would be a safe and loving influence in her life, but not her parents.


Your friends are kinda terrible not to give that child a real family.


They met at church and got to know the girl. They are not well-off. From the beginning, it was understood that they could not provide a college education and an inheritance for a third child. I hardly think it's "terrible" that an older couple with modest means was able to provide a caring and safe home for someone who had suffered abuse in previous foster situations. What have YOU directly done to change the life of a tween or teen who isn't related to you, long-term, I'd like to know? And no, writing the occasional check or giving an angel tree gift doesn't count.


The will issue is weird but the kid already has a biological family and doesn’t need it replaced. Providing a stable and loving support system is very important. It’s a different type of family, one that does not replace biological kin and very important.
Anonymous
Post 02/01/2022 15:41     Subject: Can someone explain foster care to me?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My sister and her husband are fostering a 4yo. They hope to adopt, but it is complicated. There is still some visitation with the maternal grandparents, and the paternity of the father has never been determined. If a father is found and confirmed, he would have rights. Ultimately, they do hope to adopt.

I have a dear friend whose family fostered a teenager who knew the whole time that their goal was to give her a safe and loving home until she was 18, and from there they helped her (to an extent) get a job, go to a community college, and get a place to live. They spend holidays together, etc., but I do not believe she expects to be in their will. They met and kind of had a shared goal that they would be a safe and loving influence in her life, but not her parents.


Your friends are kinda terrible not to give that child a real family.


They met at church and got to know the girl. They are not well-off. From the beginning, it was understood that they could not provide a college education and an inheritance for a third child. I hardly think it's "terrible" that an older couple with modest means was able to provide a caring and safe home for someone who had suffered abuse in previous foster situations. What have YOU directly done to change the life of a tween or teen who isn't related to you, long-term, I'd like to know? And no, writing the occasional check or giving an angel tree gift doesn't count.


NP, but wow. Not provide an inheritance for a third child??? Who says that?

are you reading this? Why is everyone harping on this poster's friend and the friend's family?

The family fostered a teenager. They helped her get a job, go to college and a place to live. They still spend holidays together. The only think they aren't doing for their foster daughter is leave her out of their will. And that is horrible because?
Anonymous
Post 02/01/2022 15:24     Subject: Can someone explain foster care to me?
This is one of the most mind-blowing gaps I have ever seen between reality as lived by millions of people around us and the knowledge had by a presumably adult OP. Holy moly.
Anonymous
Post 02/01/2022 15:21     Subject: Re:Can someone explain foster care to me?
Anonymous wrote:I aged out of foster care (group home) at 18 and was fortunate enough to go to college on a full-ride. Not sure what I would have done if a residential college hadn't been an option. What was hard was not having a "home" address, a place to go during breaks/vacations, and basically being homeless when school was not in session and dorms closed. This was 30 years ago, so maybe colleges have changed but one winter break I broke into my dorm room after everyone left and stayed thanks to the kindness of the maintenance staff.


Thanks for sharing your story, all the best.
Anonymous
Post 02/01/2022 15:19     Subject: Can someone explain foster care to me?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My sister and her husband are fostering a 4yo. They hope to adopt, but it is complicated. There is still some visitation with the maternal grandparents, and the paternity of the father has never been determined. If a father is found and confirmed, he would have rights. Ultimately, they do hope to adopt.

I have a dear friend whose family fostered a teenager who knew the whole time that their goal was to give her a safe and loving home until she was 18, and from there they helped her (to an extent) get a job, go to a community college, and get a place to live. They spend holidays together, etc., but I do not believe she expects to be in their will. They met and kind of had a shared goal that they would be a safe and loving influence in her life, but not her parents.


Your friends are kinda terrible not to give that child a real family.


They met at church and got to know the girl. They are not well-off. From the beginning, it was understood that they could not provide a college education and an inheritance for a third child. I hardly think it's "terrible" that an older couple with modest means was able to provide a caring and safe home for someone who had suffered abuse in previous foster situations. What have YOU directly done to change the life of a tween or teen who isn't related to you, long-term, I'd like to know? And no, writing the occasional check or giving an angel tree gift doesn't count.


NP, but wow. Not provide an inheritance for a third child??? Who says that?
Anonymous
Post 02/01/2022 15:02     Subject: Can someone explain foster care to me?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My sister and her husband are fostering a 4yo. They hope to adopt, but it is complicated. There is still some visitation with the maternal grandparents, and the paternity of the father has never been determined. If a father is found and confirmed, he would have rights. Ultimately, they do hope to adopt.

I have a dear friend whose family fostered a teenager who knew the whole time that their goal was to give her a safe and loving home until she was 18, and from there they helped her (to an extent) get a job, go to a community college, and get a place to live. They spend holidays together, etc., but I do not believe she expects to be in their will. They met and kind of had a shared goal that they would be a safe and loving influence in her life, but not her parents.


Your friends are kinda terrible not to give that child a real family.


They met at church and got to know the girl. They are not well-off. From the beginning, it was understood that they could not provide a college education and an inheritance for a third child. I hardly think it's "terrible" that an older couple with modest means was able to provide a caring and safe home for someone who had suffered abuse in previous foster situations. What have YOU directly done to change the life of a tween or teen who isn't related to you, long-term, I'd like to know? And no, writing the occasional check or giving an angel tree gift doesn't count.
Anonymous
Post 02/01/2022 15:00     Subject: Can someone explain foster care to me?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My sister and her husband are fostering a 4yo. They hope to adopt, but it is complicated. There is still some visitation with the maternal grandparents, and the paternity of the father has never been determined. If a father is found and confirmed, he would have rights. Ultimately, they do hope to adopt.

I have a dear friend whose family fostered a teenager who knew the whole time that their goal was to give her a safe and loving home until she was 18, and from there they helped her (to an extent) get a job, go to a community college, and get a place to live. They spend holidays together, etc., but I do not believe she expects to be in their will. They met and kind of had a shared goal that they would be a safe and loving influence in her life, but not her parents.


Your friends are kinda terrible not to give that child a real family.


+1 Your friend is horrible



How can you say that? They’re wonderful, contributing what they can. More than most people. Presumably more than you.
Anonymous
Post 02/01/2022 13:53     Subject: Can someone explain foster care to me?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My sister and her husband are fostering a 4yo. They hope to adopt, but it is complicated. There is still some visitation with the maternal grandparents, and the paternity of the father has never been determined. If a father is found and confirmed, he would have rights. Ultimately, they do hope to adopt.

I have a dear friend whose family fostered a teenager who knew the whole time that their goal was to give her a safe and loving home until she was 18, and from there they helped her (to an extent) get a job, go to a community college, and get a place to live. They spend holidays together, etc., but I do not believe she expects to be in their will. They met and kind of had a shared goal that they would be a safe and loving influence in her life, but not her parents.


Your friends are kinda terrible not to give that child a real family.


+1 Your friend is horrible
Anonymous
Post 02/01/2022 13:52     Subject: Can someone explain foster care to me?
Anonymous wrote:My sister and her husband are fostering a 4yo. They hope to adopt, but it is complicated. There is still some visitation with the maternal grandparents, and the paternity of the father has never been determined. If a father is found and confirmed, he would have rights. Ultimately, they do hope to adopt.

I have a dear friend whose family fostered a teenager who knew the whole time that their goal was to give her a safe and loving home until she was 18, and from there they helped her (to an extent) get a job, go to a community college, and get a place to live. They spend holidays together, etc., but I do not believe she expects to be in their will. They met and kind of had a shared goal that they would be a safe and loving influence in her life, but not her parents.


Your friends are kinda terrible not to give that child a real family.
Anonymous
Post 02/01/2022 13:49     Subject: Re:Can someone explain foster care to me?
Teens in foster care often have lot of trauma and anger. They have been mistreated and abandoned. They have been abused. They may have untreated or poorly treated mental illness or depression (potentially passed down from parents and the reason they landed in foster care). And on top of all of that, they are still teens who think they know it all and who want to be independent. It's not easy.
Anonymous
Post 02/01/2022 13:36     Subject: Can someone explain foster care to me?
My sister and her husband are fostering a 4yo. They hope to adopt, but it is complicated. There is still some visitation with the maternal grandparents, and the paternity of the father has never been determined. If a father is found and confirmed, he would have rights. Ultimately, they do hope to adopt.

I have a dear friend whose family fostered a teenager who knew the whole time that their goal was to give her a safe and loving home until she was 18, and from there they helped her (to an extent) get a job, go to a community college, and get a place to live. They spend holidays together, etc., but I do not believe she expects to be in their will. They met and kind of had a shared goal that they would be a safe and loving influence in her life, but not her parents.
Anonymous
Post 02/01/2022 13:29     Subject: Can someone explain foster care to me?
Anonymous wrote:I’m listening to 1A and they are talking about all these kids who age out of foster care and are on their own or on the street. Do the families that care for these kids just say “well, happy 18th birthday! Now get out” how does that work? I would think that people willing to invest in them as kids would want to continue that after 18 so I know I’m missing something. Please help me have a better understanding of how this works.


Plenty of foster parents would but the child may want not want to. They want to be independent or they might want to move back in with some members of their biological family. They might move in with a boyfriend or a friend's family. Kids who have been in foster care for a long time carry a lot of trauma. It's hard for them, very hard. It effects all their relationships with their biological family, friends, bf/gf, their own children and the foster families they lived with.
Anonymous
Post 02/01/2022 11:30     Subject: Re:Can someone explain foster care to me?
we would want to be foster parents but concerned about the level of need and chaos that it would bring. in short i guess we are not ready for the craziness that would ensue

Anonymous
Post 10/14/2021 15:25     Subject: Can someone explain foster care to me?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Plus many teens are not actually placed with families — the older they get the harder it is to place them, so they are often in group homes or even in an apartment but the supportive services are cut off at 18.


This.
I’m shocked op doesn’t know this. The majority of children who age out of foster care has been through hell on earth and endure even worse as they now become adults who were not prepared for adulthood nor loved.

A lot of the homeless here in nyc are adults who were raised in foster care jumping from home to home.



Yep. Foster care is not nice for the vast majority of kids in the US.
Anonymous
Post 10/14/2021 15:20     Subject: Can someone explain foster care to me?
My sister was placed in foster care. She lived in a group home. The girls were all there until 18. There were social workers who helped them get set up with an apt and job or go to college.