Anonymous wrote:anyone who uses word "worthless" to describe spouse is total garbage.

Seems like OP and her DH deserve each other. P

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL!

Many years my DH begged me to stay at home when my kid was down with mono and we had to take turns to stay back home. He was hands-on enough otherwise, so that was not the issue. But we were living on the razor's edge and any small illness in the kids derailed our lives significantly.

After that, I never went back. He has never mentioned me going back. He has never questioned any outsourcing. Now my youngest is getting ready to leave and no, I am not going back.

LOL! Your comment is irrelevant.

LOL! So is your opinion about my comment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you need to help a six year old brush teeth?

Our dentist tells us to do it with our 8yo because she’s not getting her molars clean enough and she’s prone to cavities. It’s a pain and I’m trying to teach her how to do it herself but it’s better than tooth decay.

+1 NP here, our dentist doesn't say to brush the child's teeth, but they do say we need to oversee this. Especially once adult teeth come in around ages 6-8, some teeth or areas can become harder for some kids to reach, not easier. It's not normal for a 6 yr/old to be totally independent on this.

Anonymous wrote:Love it when ManChild does two things and thinks it’s half of the 50 thing pie. Marriage and kids is such a rope a dope.

That means you are the dope...

Anonymous wrote:LOL!

Many years my DH begged me to stay at home when my kid was down with mono and we had to take turns to stay back home. He was hands-on enough otherwise, so that was not the issue. But we were living on the razor's edge and any small illness in the kids derailed our lives significantly.

After that, I never went back. He has never mentioned me going back. He has never questioned any outsourcing. Now my youngest is getting ready to leave and no, I am not going back.

LOL! Your comment is irrelevant.

Anonymous wrote:anyone who uses word "worthless" to describe spouse is total garbage.

That’s interesting. I find it fascinating when people get more offended by accurate descriptions of their behavior than the actual abhorrent behavior.

Anonymous wrote:You sound whiny and exhausting.

And you PP sound like a man.

OP, I personally think a mini-checklist should be posted somewhere near the front door.

That would be an excellent resource in dealing w/a helpless hubby.

anyone who uses word "worthless" to describe spouse is total garbage.

My ex DW was worthless at all hours

We find mornings work best if we both have designated tasks. I get the kids dressed and downstairs. I get their backpacks ready (water, snacks, masks). DH is in charge of giving them breakfast and prepping their lunches for school, then nagging them to brush their teeth and put on their shoes.

OP, can you present your DH with the morning chores and ask him which ones he wants to take ownership of?

Just buy school lunch

Love it when ManChild does two things and thinks it’s half of the 50 thing pie. Marriage and kids is such a rope a dope.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you need to pick a time when the kids are occupied and neither of you is stressed and really talk about how you can divide responsibilities. Come to that meeting with a list of what needs to be done and when and then divide them up.

+1 except I wouldn’t bring a list. You need to decide together how to handle things, a list may not be the answer.

Anonymous wrote:My husband talks A LOT about how much his "home" workload increased when I went back to work. He was mostly graceful about taking more on and adjusting - but I just want to flag that it's probably worth a bigger conversation between the two of you about expectations around all household labor in your "new normal" and what does and does not need to change.

Just saying - this shift is not nearly as simple as you leaving the house for work and your kid leaving the house for school and your husband continuing with the same routine as before. But sometimes that needs to be made explicit.

+1

I struggle with this as well OP. One thing that works for us is assigning the thing I dislike the most to DH, so even if it's the only thing he does, at least it takes away the biggest burden. Usually that's making lunches. For a while I was on a big project that required late nights for me, so we switched it to getting up with the kids and making breakfast, so I could stay in bed an extra 15-30 minutes.

I still do the vast majority of the getting ready stuff. DH has to leave super early three days a week so I'm also doing drop off those days. On the days he WFH, I wind up doing most of the getting ready and even helping him with "his" tasks because otherwise they don't get out the door on time.

It's frustrating. But yes, you need to be explicit about the stuff he's taking on now that you are working, and not just assume he'll step in. My DH, at least, appreciates when I ask him explicitly for help with a concrete task. Do I wish he'd do what I do and just see what needs to happen and do it? Yup. But it's not going to happen and I don't want to martyr myself to that idea. So I give him clear assignments.

I have always packed the kids lunches the night before (except on the rare occasion I pack them something hot). It's so much easier. I also ask the kids to pick a at least two days a week to buy lunch to give me a break. And I am also a big fan of laying out clothes the night before at that age.

I agree that you have to give him specific tasks--for some reason, I hate packing the water bottles so that's his job. I was having the same issue as you with me running around while he drank coffee so I just assigned him that and he does it. Just give him 2-3 tasks that are his to manage.

It's only a few more things but this year seems so much harder with all of the additional items to remember everyday-- charging laptops, masks, etc. It's so not a big deal but it stresses me out more than it used to!