This is not uncommon at all.

I was the mom and often didn’t see my baby awake and it crushed me. I ended up switching jobs and eventually stopped working when I had my third child.

We coslept though so we could cuddle next to our baby.

Anonymous wrote:Those kinds of hours would be a dealbreaker for me (and I'm hardly super-hands-on as a parent; I leave my child in daycare for 9h a day).

PP here -- I would add that it may be worth him talking to his boss about it, at least about some WFH options even if they're dead set on long hours. That might not have been a helpful suggestion 2 years ago, but this is post-pandemic life where even senior managers have to deal with the reality of family/life balance. I work in a very traditionally overwork-y industry and my managers have still been very, very accommodating of childcare issues and family needs because the pandemic has laid it bare in everyone's face how much tension there is between long hours and family life with young kids.

Anonymous wrote:Why do you refer to your child as baby?

Op- he IS a baby! He’s 8 months old

DH should get a new job if it's not a 250k+ job.

If it is, and you earn less than him,, then you should get a new job with PT hours. Something has to give.

Those kinds of hours would be a dealbreaker for me (and I'm hardly super-hands-on as a parent; I leave my child in daycare for 9h a day).

Anonymous wrote:Baby sleeps 7pm - 7ish sometimes 8am. DH just returned to the office and leaves for work around 8am, gets home after 7pm and often doesn’t see baby for days if baby sleeps in. It’s been so hard because during work from home, he could see baby for 5 mins snippets all day, could take half an hour off at lunch to feed baby, and at bath time could just pause work and do a bath. Now with the commute it’s just not possible. Anyone going through this and struggling? I’m still WFH so I’m not feeling it yet. We were spoiled by wfh. Is this just the way it is with working parents with a commute?

Working parents with 12 hour days and no flexibility, yes, that's how it is. Before I quit my previous job in favor of one that provided a better work-life balance (my husband did the same, just to be clear that this was not on me to fix), I would go to work obscenely early (I got up at 4:15 am every day) so that I could have time with our babies (we had twins) in the late afternoon/evening. My husband did the opposite - he stayed with them in the mornings for a few hours before the nanny would come and then he got home later. After realizing that that situation sucked, we both got different jobs and moved away from DC. But yeah, that's the life of an 1+ long commute in each direction plus jobs that require you to work 10+ hours a day. I hope it's worth it.

Anonymous wrote:I put my kid to bed around 9 so he could have time with Dad.

Maybe the kid can't handle being awake until 9. Not all babies are little dolls that just move around to whatever schedule is most convenient for the parents.

I put my kid to bed around 9 so he could have time with Dad.

The baby’s sleep schedule will probably change very soon given the fact that babies are always mixing up their sleep habits. Can you slowly move bedtime back a little later?

Op, what is his job?

Can he leave work an hour early with the understanding that he will log back on and work for an hour or two once the baby is in bed?

Why does the baby have to sleep from 7-7? How about 9-9. My babies stayed up later than that because my husband would not consider not having any time with his kids for days.

Clocks will change in a couple months and your child will be up earlier. That should help.

How old is the baby? DH and I were in the same situation with our first but it was shortlived. Once baby was 6 months he was going down at 8 and DH got at least an hour of baby cuddles in in the evening. It’s not ideal but it was necessary for him to be putting in long hours in the beginning of his career. Hopefully your DH is getting plenty of time with the baby Fri-Sun, I’m sure it’s hard for him not seeing the baby half the week but I promise you it won’t cause any issues with attachment for the baby.

You can slowly adjust the baby's sleep times so that he can see her/him for 15-20 minutes in the morning.

Anonymous wrote:Can you see if you could gradually nudge baby's schedule forward a bit so bedtime is after DH gets home?

+1. Change the baby’s schedule by 15 minutes a day until he/she is going down after DH gets home. It’s the only way.