My husband was pickier about houses than I was, so our plan was that he would look at the online listing and scope out the house first. I would only look at it if he liked it. Ultimately, we decided together on what house to buy, but it saved me the time and aggravation of finding houses, falling in love with them, just for him to veto them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Put her in charge. You don’t look at anything until she has seen it and approved of it first. Then sit back and wait. Either she wants to move and will get going or she really doesn’t. This only works if you are happy staying put.

I am the one who always can see the sunny side and likes to move so I vet the homes first and get down to any I would accept and then let him decide. He’s pickier.

Moving around when you don’t like the house is very expensive if you’re buying though. You would lose a lot in closing costs and realtor fees.

I should add that I do think your approach is perfect.

Anonymous wrote:Put her in charge. You don’t look at anything until she has seen it and approved of it first. Then sit back and wait. Either she wants to move and will get going or she really doesn’t. This only works if you are happy staying put.

I am the one who always can see the sunny side and likes to move so I vet the homes first and get down to any I would accept and then let him decide. He’s pickier.

Moving around when you don’t like the house is very expensive if you’re buying though. You would lose a lot in closing costs and realtor fees.

We looked for a house for about 18 months and passed over dozens for being too small, too big, bad layout, no yard, etc. Our patience was rewarded by a home that met our most important criteria. The wait was worth it.

I get that the complaining is annoying but it doesn’t sound like your spouse is being unreasonable at all.

Put her in charge. You don’t look at anything until she has seen it and approved of it first. Then sit back and wait. Either she wants to move and will get going or she really doesn’t. This only works if you are happy staying put.

I am the one who always can see the sunny side and likes to move so I vet the homes first and get down to any I would accept and then let him decide. He’s pickier.

Tell her houses don’t come wrapped from the factory in light blue Tiffany boxes.

You are always buying potential with a house not a finished product.

What city are you in? I don’t know anyone that can find 5-10 suitable houses in the market in their budget right now. And everything is going for cash in a week in the DMV.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We both work. I make more money but that doesn’t matter. It’s our money.

Most of the complaints about the houses are negligible. It’s always the house is too small, the house is too big, the yard is too small, she doesn’t like the layout, she doesn’t know the look of the outside of the house, etc.

It drives me nuts. We had about 5 houses we could’ve bought but she had issue with every one of them. Then she complains everyday how she can’t wait to move because we are running out of space.

Are you willing to take 30 minutes to have a conversation and clarify your priorities? Try hard to capture the important things (for both of you) on an actual written list. If you’re not willing to take the time to do that, then you’re not serious yourself.

+1. The last thing I’d want to do is buy a huge asset with someone who is thoughtless and careless about it and just wants it over with. Wtf. Work as a team or you will freak her out and be divorced. Do you even know how to take care of a house and yard? Maybe you don’t and it’s showing…

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We both work. I make more money but that doesn’t matter. It’s our money.

Most of the complaints about the houses are negligible. It’s always the house is too small, the house is too big, the yard is too small, she doesn’t like the layout, she doesn’t know the look of the outside of the house, etc.

It drives me nuts. We had about 5 houses we could’ve bought but she had issue with every one of them. Then she complains everyday how she can’t wait to move because we are running out of space.

Those are “negligible” dislikes, those are structural and can’t really be easily changed.
Bad things in the size, layout, neighbors, location, pest infestations, no garage, school district, the look are all major things.

Things that can be improved - with $$$ and time and brains — are things like appliances, paint job, new windows, plant some bushes/landscaping, flooring, etc.

One way to get out an “indecisive” person is PROCESS buy-in. You do this w committees: you all put down needed parameters, wanted parameters, deal breakers up front and agree on then. They go out and find the best few things. Tweak as necessary. Discuss trade offs. Compare with renting.

Try to add some structure or just ask her what’s the real problem here.

Why don’t you back off of the search and let her take the lead. Tell her to identify a suitable house that meets her needs then you’ll consider it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We both work. I make more money but that doesn’t matter. It’s our money.

Most of the complaints about the houses are negligible. It’s always the house is too small, the house is too big, the yard is too small, she doesn’t like the layout, she doesn’t know the look of the outside of the house, etc.

It drives me nuts. We had about 5 houses we could’ve bought but she had issue with every one of them. Then she complains everyday how she can’t wait to move because we are running out of space.

Are you willing to take 30 minutes to have a conversation and clarify your priorities? Try hard to capture the important things (for both of you) on an actual written list. If you’re not willing to take the time to do that, then you’re not serious yourself.

OP here. We have done all of this multiple times. She’s very indecisive.

OP here. Can you please take the SAHM stuff somewhere else? I do not want fights about that on this thread.

Is she from out of town and lack a real understanding of how tight this market is? Maybe your agent hasn't explained the current status of real estate inventory clearly, and what it will take to buy a home to close here.

Op, there's no 10 house out there! Make a list, if you meet 9 than put an offer. Even with offer, your chance is 10 percent!

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We both work. I make more money but that doesn’t matter. It’s our money.

Most of the complaints about the houses are negligible. It’s always the house is too small, the house is too big, the yard is too small, she doesn’t like the layout, she doesn’t know the look of the outside of the house, etc.

It drives me nuts. We had about 5 houses we could’ve bought but she had issue with every one of them. Then she complains everyday how she can’t wait to move because we are running out of space.

Are you willing to take 30 minutes to have a conversation and clarify your priorities? Try hard to capture the important things (for both of you) on an actual written list. If you’re not willing to take the time to do that, then you’re not serious yourself.