Op you’ve received lots of suggestions but all you want to do is complain and say why they won’t work for you. Everyone move on to the next topic, op enjoys being miserable and thinking she has no solution.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can't afford paid help, do you have a friend or neighbor who might assist? I have left my kid to nap at a friend's house while I went to the dentist, and I would happily let someone else's baby nap in my house if I was going to be home anyway.

I've considered this but it wouldn't really work because she is already struggling so much then I add a stranger and a strange environment to the mix? Plus covid? And she had those 20 min cat naps in the car so even if I had a bed I could leave her in during the midday pick up she's not really tired enough to go to sleep before I need to leave.

The timing of it all is just too challenging. When she goes down to one nap a day this won't be an issue any longer. Of course, that'll be around the time school lets out anyway.

Your sleep being like this is not an option. So you need to figure out a way to deal with the nighttime sleep. I think you're probably right that the bad naps are related, but I think fixing the nighttime sleep doesn't rely on fixing the naps. It sounds like she's not successfully connecting sleep cycles, probably because she is used to being nursed to sleep. I totally understand doing that! It feels like the path of least resistance at any given wakeup, and you're so so so tired. But come on, you're driving three hours a day, it's not safe to do it like that. Especially with your kids in the car!

I've sleep trained four kids now. My youngest is a month older than your baby. I really and truly believe that in helping them learn to connect sleep cycles and stay asleep, we are helping our children to be rested and happy. The crying isn't fun, but the crying of an overtired baby isn't fun either. Personally I found that total extinction worked the fastest, but if you'd rather use a more gradual method then go for it. But you really, really -- for your quality of life, but also for the safety of the kids in your car! -- need to figure out a way for you, personally, to get more sleep. Ideally your baby gets more sleep too, because she needs it.

If you post your rough schedule maybe we can help you figure out how to rejigger it?

Someone always asks why SAHMs still need nannies. This is why- we aren’t just lazy or trying to fob our kids off. Schedules are challenging with multiple kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can't afford paid help, do you have a friend or neighbor who might assist? I have left my kid to nap at a friend's house while I went to the dentist, and I would happily let someone else's baby nap in my house if I was going to be home anyway.

I've considered this but it wouldn't really work because she is already struggling so much then I add a stranger and a strange environment to the mix? Plus covid? And she had those 20 min cat naps in the car so even if I had a bed I could leave her in during the midday pick up she's not really tired enough to go to sleep before I need to leave.

The timing of it all is just too challenging. When she goes down to one nap a day this won't be an issue any longer. Of course, that'll be around the time school lets out anyway.

You said no to everything. Your baby is not getting adequate sleep due to your pickup schedule for other kids. Something has to change, or nothing will change and you and the baby will continue to be sleep deprived and run the risk of unsafe driving.

Can you keep her awake in the car? Play energetic music something like that? Have the other kids try to engage her when they're with you? If she stayed awake during the driving, you might be able to schedule two proper naps in between dropoff and pickup trips. Or alternately, try to schedule at least one nap around one drive and run some longer errand so that car-sleep is at least 45+ minutes? If you can manage to get a reasonable morning nap, that might make afternoon then night sleep less of a mess.

Anonymous wrote:If you can't afford paid help, do you have a friend or neighbor who might assist? I have left my kid to nap at a friend's house while I went to the dentist, and I would happily let someone else's baby nap in my house if I was going to be home anyway.

I've considered this but it wouldn't really work because she is already struggling so much then I add a stranger and a strange environment to the mix? Plus covid? And she had those 20 min cat naps in the car so even if I had a bed I could leave her in during the midday pick up she's not really tired enough to go to sleep before I need to leave.

The timing of it all is just too challenging. When she goes down to one nap a day this won't be an issue any longer. Of course, that'll be around the time school lets out anyway.

Anonymous wrote:Pay someone to drive your kid home in the middle of the day.

I'm not really trusting some paid stranger to drive my 3 yo around.

Pay someone to drive your kid home in the middle of the day.

If you can't afford paid help, do you have a friend or neighbor who might assist? I have left my kid to nap at a friend's house while I went to the dentist, and I would happily let someone else's baby nap in my house if I was going to be home anyway.

I hate it when dcum suggests getting help as though everyone can afford it, but I think the bad naps are a big reason for this. Can you get a sitter to stay with baby at home so he takes at least one really good, restful nap a day? When my baby doesn’t nap well, his nights are usually terrible anD he wakes up a ton

Anonymous wrote:Hi op - there is a happy medium between what the pps are suggesting (just close the door) that is still sleep training and will help your situation and will involve some crying but is still responsive to your baby. Follow the peaceful sleeper on Instagram and consider doing a consultation. We worked with Ashley and she was so so so helpful. And they adjust everything to each parents comfort, can take it as gentle as needed. It was really individualized and our lives are soo much better. And during “sleep training” we still responded and soothed, rocked to sleep if a nap failed or baby couldn’t get down, and he still drastically improved within days and is doing better every day. My baby is a little younger but he is so much happier now that he sleeps more consistently. The peaceful sleeper has 4 kids so she understands balancing a variety of needs. She’s the most reasonable sleep person I’ve seen in that regard.

Thank you! This is so helpful.

Anonymous wrote:Sleep train. Swings are not safe for sleeping.

No one sleeps in a swing. I have no idea where you got that from.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a bad sleeper and finally, at nine months, did a strict routine at bedtime and let her cio. I wanted to make sure she had object permanence and knew we were in the other room. We tried checks and it made her madder.

Try a very strict and set bedtime routine first and then try DH giving her water when she wakes up. But you - the breasts - do not go back in! Start at four to six hour stretches.

Can you please outline your bedtime routine?

I do:

Bath
Goodnight to siblings and Dad
In her own bedroom with window shade up enough to allow me light to read and sound machine on
Read a book
Pull shade down and draw curtains for total darkness
Nurse both sides and burp
Rock to sleep (no boob in mouth)

That's one thing I think I did better with this baby, she doesn't have a nurse to sleep association I don't think. Just a rocking/holding to sleep thing. I'll only nurse her again around midnight when I've been giving up and bringing her into our bed for the night. The again at 2, 4, 6 AM whenever she wakes up because I'm right there anyway and may as well get her back to sleep ASAP.

But to be clear I tried to just keep her in her room for weeks until I just gave up in the past few days and started cosleeping.

This is crazy. Put your baby to bed in her crib and return in the morning. You’re not helping her sleep by what you’re doing. In fact you’re causing her to NOT sleep

I guess I'm crazy but I just can't stomach leaving her in her room to scream for hours until she stops trying to signal distress because she knows no one will respond.

I don't need perfect STTN, but I'd love to make an improvement.

You're already distressing her by depriving her of day sleep. She is overtired. I woudl spend a weekend with one parent focusing solely on her naps and then do cio. You have a kiddo that wont sleep on the go so you have to stop the go somehow. I would pull my pk3 kid or go only 2ce a week to make sure the baby is getting some sleep during the day.

I don't think you understand. It's a school, not daycare. I can't just put my kid in twice a week and I'm not going to deprive my oder kid of her first year of school to cater to my baby's nap schedule when that's going to change drastically over the next few months anyway.

Not sure what a weekend of focusing on naps would accomplish when I'm going right back to our weekday schedule.

Sleep train. Swings are not safe for sleeping.

My kids are elementary/middle now, but do people still use swings? Put her in a swing and turn it on for 45 minutes. She should sleep for a few hours. Then feed her and do it again. We did this with our oldest, who was addicted to not sleeping! You need to break the cycle and get her some good rest. It worked so well that the next two kids just ended up in the swing around months 2-10.

I also found it helpful to wear my third kid during the day. I think i had a k'tan? He'd sleep in there and got used to being on the go. Can you walk to any of your pickups? Sign up that kid for a lunch bunch to get the baby a better nap?

I still LOVE the mom of an only who announced one day that she was just going to drive my oldest home from Pre-k so the middle & baby could have a full nap. Such a selfless thing that really helped our whole family.