Anonymous
Post 09/29/2021 13:27     Subject: Re:Anyone else not care that much about cheating?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op is only talking about the physical act.

It’s so much more complex than that.


Yeah, OP, are you just envisioning "cheating" in a vacuum? Like a one-time hook-up? Just a sexual act, nothing more?

Because cheating is rarely that. And if that IS what you're talking about -- say, a one-night stand on a business trip with someone he'll never see again -- I think a lot of women wouldn't divorce over that, so you're not alone there. But cheating involves making you look like a fool -- lying to your face, kissing you without washing off first, etc -- and that's hard to get over and still feel loving toward the person who did that to you.


100% this
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2021 13:27     Subject: Anyone else not care that much about cheating?
Anonymous wrote:
I’ve been happily married for many years. My spouse isn’t perfect and neither am I but we are happy with our lives and have great kids as well as our own separate hobbies/friends etc. I honestly wouldn’t care that much if I found out he had ‘cheated’ on me. It doesn’t take away from what we have together, and I’m imperfect too. I think he feels the same way. It’s not something that is is so important to me the way it seems to be in a lot of other posts cue the realizing whole life was a lie, abuse etc. I also don’t think I have low self esteem as many will crow. Physical intimacy is just not the only measure of love in my opinion and not something I’d divorce over


Waiting for all the replies of wait until it happens to me I’m in denial etc or I have low self esteem and he’s already cheating. Anyone else know what I mean?


No I don't. Unless both partners know before hand one is stepping out no why would anyone put up with a liar and cheater? It's not like they don't do it more than once. Cheating is more about sex, it's about respect, lying, STD's etc..

I have been married for 36 years and if either one of us ever cheated as Lizzo says so eloquently "if he(she) don't love you anymore walk your fine ass out the door"

I have been extremely poor and extremely wealthy I can say this with confidence, nope never stay with a cheater. What do your kids learn from that? Oh yes lying is awesome.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2021 13:26     Subject: Re:Anyone else not care that much about cheating?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op is only talking about the physical act.

It’s so much more complex than that.


Yeah, OP, are you just envisioning "cheating" in a vacuum? Like a one-time hook-up? Just a sexual act, nothing more?

Because cheating is rarely that. And if that IS what you're talking about -- say, a one-night stand on a business trip with someone he'll never see again -- I think a lot of women wouldn't divorce over that, so you're not alone there. But cheating involves making you look like a fool -- lying to your face, kissing you without washing off first, etc -- and that's hard to get over and still feel loving toward the person who did that to you.


Yep. Showering off whore germs (u at least hope he’s doing that!!) and kissing you on the mouth after oral sex with her. Gross.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2021 13:25     Subject: Anyone else not care that much about cheating?
Anonymous wrote:I feel this way too OP. I’m just very secure and safe in my relationship with DH and him being physical with another woman is not threatening to me, because we both know I’m the love of his life. I’ve all but given him explicit permission. I’m not sure if he’ll ever actually take me up on it but it would be kind of hot if he did!


Just know the husband of the woman he is banging may have a lot of self esteem and trust and safety in his relationship and when he finds out your spouse is banging his wife, it’s not likely to end well.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2021 13:25     Subject: Re:Anyone else not care that much about cheating?
Anonymous wrote:Op is only talking about the physical act.

It’s so much more complex than that.


Yeah, OP, are you just envisioning "cheating" in a vacuum? Like a one-time hook-up? Just a sexual act, nothing more?

Because cheating is rarely that. And if that IS what you're talking about -- say, a one-night stand on a business trip with someone he'll never see again -- I think a lot of women wouldn't divorce over that, so you're not alone there. But cheating involves making you look like a fool -- lying to your face, kissing you without washing off first, etc -- and that's hard to get over and still feel loving toward the person who did that to you.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2021 13:25     Subject: Re:Anyone else not care that much about cheating?
I would prefer not to know but I don't care that much either. I would be far more upset if my wife squandered money or was a bad mom, etc. Honestly, we don't have sex as much as I like so if her having sex with someone else woke her libido it might be worth the trade
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2021 13:23     Subject: Anyone else not care that much about cheating?
One night stand is very different from an affair with emotions involved and time commitment and so on.

I think when people consider this abstractly they think, if I hold all else the same and just change this one fact, how would I feel? The truth is relationships are messy. If you invest in a bond with someone else it’s going to change what you have to give overall.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2021 13:23     Subject: Re:Anyone else not care that much about cheating?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op is only talking about the physical act.

It’s so much more complex than that. Good news she put it out there in the universe and the universe will need to teach her that lesson not us.


Oh I have a problem with non-monogamous physical act when I’m in what I think is a monogamous marriage. The physical bothers me JUST as much as the emotional. Yiu can’t get rid of those mental images/mind movies.


Yes. I completely love my spouse and the image of him giving oral sex or screwing another woman, telling her she’s so hot blah blah…would be way too much for me. Giving another woman the idea she’s somehow better than me even if it’s just to get laid. Nope.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2021 13:20     Subject: Re:Anyone else not care that much about cheating?
Anonymous wrote:Op is only talking about the physical act.

It’s so much more complex than that. Good news she put it out there in the universe and the universe will need to teach her that lesson not us.


Oh I have a problem with non-monogamous physical act when I’m in what I think is a monogamous marriage. The physical bothers me JUST as much as the emotional. Yiu can’t get rid of those mental images/mind movies.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2021 13:18     Subject: Anyone else not care that much about cheating?
I feel this way too OP. I’m just very secure and safe in my relationship with DH and him being physical with another woman is not threatening to me, because we both know I’m the love of his life. I’ve all but given him explicit permission. I’m not sure if he’ll ever actually take me up on it but it would be kind of hot if he did!
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2021 13:18     Subject: Re:Anyone else not care that much about cheating?
Op is only talking about the physical act.

It’s so much more complex than that. Good news she put it out there in the universe and the universe will need to teach her that lesson not us.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2021 13:16     Subject: Re:Anyone else not care that much about cheating?
You already were shut down in your other thread “Comfidential…”.

No matter how many times you express it’s no big deal to you and you can’t understand why ppl thinks it’s a big deal: you will never close that gap because to you cheating is not a moral issue, an honesty issue, an integrity issue, an emotional issue, an issue that could negatively affect your kids or give your spouse an STI or result in a psycho OW/OM, etc.

So, face it you were raised differently to accept sloppy seconds and be okay with your spouse loving and screwing someone else while directly lying to your face and gaslighting you to mess with your mind.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2021 13:13     Subject: Re:Anyone else not care that much about cheating?
Anonymous wrote:Nope. The affair - holy crap- NO. Romancing another woman on our time and doing all kinds of sexual acts unprotected while still sleeping with me. Any spouse can tolerate all that an affair entails (even the NSA ones require them to invest, say I love you if they go on long enough). Nope. It’s a huge deal and if our teens had found out I would have severely messed them up. If our community had found out it would have been a disaster.

Getting screened for STIs because you were blindsided and finding out the types of lies to cover up the encounters which often means you were pulling double duty on the home front for them to get that time.

No way in hell. I think too highly of myself to ever let someone treat me that way. It would be a huge f——ing deal. I find cheaters or polyamory folks are like “so what”.


This. The betrayal. The physical harm. Emotional harm. Chaos. I don't think people are thinking it through when they haven't been through it if they think it's a not a big deal. It's never just one person either. or one time. I think the OP forgets this part When you cheat, it's something that you've normalized.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2021 13:13     Subject: Re:Anyone else not care that much about cheating?
I feel the same way, but I don't think I would be cool with the dishonesty. And an actual mistress, costing money and time, would be a problem for me.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2021 13:12     Subject: Re:Anyone else not care that much about cheating?
Anonymous wrote:I’d go fully bunny boiler, DEFCON 5. I don’t know why these losers think married people are a safe bet “mutual destruction” and all that BS. F that. I’m blowing everyone up!


Me too. Glen Close has nothing on me as the betrayed wife.