Anonymous wrote:OP here. Actually it's worked out well. The guy turns out, is really nice, just somewhat shy. I was being too judge.

OP, I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I feel for your husband. You seem like a genuine crazy person.

OP here. Actually it's worked out well. The guy turns out, is really nice, just somewhat shy. I was being too judge.

I don't know OP - do you think your husband didn't understand?

Agree with the suggestions to just go out to dinner. It doesn’t resolve the bigger issue though.

🥳 Happy Birthday 🎉 today to you OP!!

Today is YOUR special day.
Your husband should respect that & give you the gift of peace.
It is not so difficult.

Instead he is being an inconsiderate jerk.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you sure you are communicating effectively with your husband? Here is what you said:

"I say no, because he plans to be out most of the day on a bike ride, and I didn't like the guy much last time he came over, and don't want to deal with him alone."

Here is what your husband did: made sure that you would have not to deal with him alone.

Before you get a divorce, maybe you should make sure you actually made your desires clear.

and I said I didn't like the guy much the last time he came over. I said that point blank. He wants to hire the guy because he fancies himself some kind of 'helper of man' and that takes precedence over whether or not it makes me uncomfortable. He did not have to hire THIS person. And he sure as hell did not have to do it today because it was convenient for the man he wants to help.

Been married to him for over two decades and trust me when I tell you it's a pattern. He simply turn no into 'not now' or 'because'. I suspect he's on the spectrum but I no longer care to deal with the quirks.

You obviously have a lot of anger directed at your husband, and I'm sure that's justified OP. But honestly, its not hard to see this as a communication failure on your part too - you said that you did not want this guy to come over because of x, y, and z. Your husband made sure to fix the reasons for your concern - he took care of x, y, and z. In his mind, there was no longer any reason for you not to want this guy to come over. If what you meant was "Honey, under no circumstances do I want this guy coming over," then that is what you should have clearly said.

Perhaps some therapy and counseling on how to listen and communicate is in order before divorce?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you sure you are communicating effectively with your husband? Here is what you said:

"I say no, because he plans to be out most of the day on a bike ride, and I didn't like the guy much last time he came over, and don't want to deal with him alone."

Here is what your husband did: made sure that you would have not to deal with him alone.

Before you get a divorce, maybe you should make sure you actually made your desires clear.

and I said I didn't like the guy much the last time he came over. I said that point blank. He wants to hire the guy because he fancies himself some kind of 'helper of man' and that takes precedence over whether or not it makes me uncomfortable. He did not have to hire THIS person. And he sure as hell did not have to do it today because it was convenient for the man he wants to help.

Been married to him for over two decades and trust me when I tell you it's a pattern. He simply turn no into 'not now' or 'because'. I suspect he's on the spectrum but I no longer care to deal with the quirks.

Tell the guy that your husband didn't check with you and today won't work and send him away. If your husband gripes tell him you told him point blank you didn't want the guy around, much less on your birthday so you solved the problem yourself. Then leave the room and no more discussion.

OP again: The person is nice enough and much less creepy today. I think what's bothering me is I'm tired of being the ones who help everyone else while my needs and wants get pushed aside. It's been a very high burnout five years, with one crisis after another in short succession. I want to move forward with my own life without having to sacrifice for everyone else anymore. It doesn't mean I won't pitch in, but it does mean that I don't plan to be walked on anymore. I guess I'm willing to die on that hill now, where before I wasn't.

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you sure you are communicating effectively with your husband? Here is what you said:

"I say no, because he plans to be out most of the day on a bike ride, and I didn't like the guy much last time he came over, and don't want to deal with him alone."

Here is what your husband did: made sure that you would have not to deal with him alone.

Before you get a divorce, maybe you should make sure you actually made your desires clear.

and I said I didn't like the guy much the last time he came over. I said that point blank. He wants to hire the guy because he fancies himself some kind of 'helper of man' and that takes precedence over whether or not it makes me uncomfortable. He did not have to hire THIS person. And he sure as hell did not have to do it today because it was convenient for the man he wants to help.

Been married to him for over two decades and trust me when I tell you it's a pattern. He simply turn no into 'not now' or 'because'. I suspect he's on the spectrum but I no longer care to deal with the quirks.

OP, are you sure you are communicating effectively with your husband? Here is what you said:

"I say no, because he plans to be out most of the day on a bike ride, and I didn't like the guy much last time he came over, and don't want to deal with him alone."

Here is what your husband did: made sure that you would have not to deal with him alone.

Before you get a divorce, maybe you should make sure you actually made your desires clear.

Just go out or have meal delivered for you and hide in your room with Netflix.