Anonymous
09/23/2021 14:29
Subject: Re:appropriate consequences/punishment for 2.5 year old
Anonymous wrote:OP here: Thanks for these tips! The school actually asked us for input since what they're doing (telling him to stop, trying to teach empathy) apparently isn't working. I've almost never seen him try to hurt another kid, but when I have seen him get physical, I do use the Janet Lansbury approach, telling him I won't let him do that, modeling an apology, removing him gently from the situation. Should this just be continued until he's old enough for real discipline?
Trying to teach empathy at this age is like hitting a brick against the wall. Empathy is "the ability to understand and share the feelings of another." Kids dont develop the ability to understand that other people have feelings until well after 5/6. They literally cant comprehend that other people have thoughts.
If this is what the teachers says they are doing then I think they need some updated certs.
Anonymous
09/23/2021 14:26
Subject: Re:appropriate consequences/punishment for 2.5 year old
They dont sound very invested and asking you to do something at home about stuff thats happening at daycare is a bit weird.
Our school has a LCSW on "staff" to do observations and give teachers support with general stuff and specific cases. Not every interaction style works with every kid.
You can work on stuff at home but again if he isnt hitting at home or kicking at home then talking to him about it isnt appropriate. You can use books like Feet Are Not for Kicking, you can use toys/props to act out certain scenarios to reinforce concepts, etc.
Big Little Feelings might be a good resource for you to check out.
Our school has a LCSW on "staff" to do observations and give teachers support with general stuff and specific cases. Not every interaction style works with every kid.
You can work on stuff at home but again if he isnt hitting at home or kicking at home then talking to him about it isnt appropriate. You can use books like Feet Are Not for Kicking, you can use toys/props to act out certain scenarios to reinforce concepts, etc.
Big Little Feelings might be a good resource for you to check out.
Anonymous
09/23/2021 14:05
Subject: Re:appropriate consequences/punishment for 2.5 year old
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Make sure your child is getting a good amount of uninterrupted sleep appropriate to their age. Watch their diet and limit added sugars and too many processed foods. Limit the screens if you do them and definitely have screeen breaks. Check if there is any stress in your life that they are feeding off. This sets up a good baseline so you don't have to unnecessarily deal with bad behavior due to tiredness etc. It's not fair to them.
Next for things that happen at school, is the staff asking you to do something or do they have it under control? When does it happen? During some sort of transition? It's not unusual for kids that age to strike out in frustration. The staff should be able to redirect or you can work with them to find strategies to help your kid handle his big feelings.
Thank you, sleep at night is good but he is barely napping at school which I think must be related to the issues, though we're told some of the behavior is happening in the morning. Diet is good, no more than ~30 minutes of screen time every other day or so. The adjustment to school has been huge but it's been almost a month, and we're also expecting a new baby later this fall. We don't talk about that constantly but it must be on his radar.
The school staff mentioned it, not like they're deeply concerned or going to kick him out, but when we asked for more details they made it sound constant and like he just doesn't listen. Not sure if he is striking out in frustration or thinks he's being playful and just not respecting personal space, possibly a little of both.
If he’s not napping midday no wonder he’s melting. See if you can help the school get him sleeping in the afternoon somehow. That will probably help.
Anonymous
09/23/2021 14:03
Subject: appropriate consequences/punishment for 2.5 year old
Anonymous wrote:Clueless FTM mom here. DS is almost 2.5 and starting to show a lot of defiance - normal stuff, but we're trying to draw a really firm line around hitting/kicking/disrespecting his teachers, etc. Most of it is happening at preschool, so an extra challenge to not be there in the moment, but it occasionally happens around us. He seems to understand the concept of rewards like small treats and getting to watch his favorite show.
At this age, what are appropriate (and effective) tactics to discourage this behavior? "Time out" in the crib, taking away a favorite toy? Should there be an immediate cause and effect for it to click? Open to any external resources you like as well. Thank you!
Read WaPo columnist Megan Leahy. I swear I am not her, nor do I work for the Post, it’s just she is so good at advice for things like this! Don’t kill yourself with consequences- just remove the child from the situation or vice versus without talking too much about it all. Take away the toy this is being thrown, etx. Time outs really don’t work for this age- if ever. I wish I’d known this as a new mom. I spent so much time thinking about consequences for normal two year old behavior. Not that you let it go on- you just use your age and height to interven and stop it without a lot of talking or drama. Good luck, OP!
Anonymous
09/23/2021 12:56
Subject: appropriate consequences/punishment for 2.5 year old
Timeout followed by apology for whatever behavior was.
Anonymous
09/23/2021 11:34
Subject: appropriate consequences/punishment for 2.5 year old
If you are not already doing it, add A LOT more language and emphasis on positive behaviors to your every day narration of life. Notice when your kid is being gentle, using hands appropriately, playing properly with toys, etc. and praise it.
"Hands are not for hitting" and other books in that genre are really good at this age and will give you (and the school) shared language to redirect.
And the PPs who said that a delayed consequence (taking something away or a time out) is totally worthless at this age are correct.
"Hands are not for hitting" and other books in that genre are really good at this age and will give you (and the school) shared language to redirect.
And the PPs who said that a delayed consequence (taking something away or a time out) is totally worthless at this age are correct.
Anonymous
09/23/2021 11:27
Subject: Re:appropriate consequences/punishment for 2.5 year old
Anonymous wrote:OP here: Thanks for these tips! The school actually asked us for input since what they're doing (telling him to stop, trying to teach empathy) apparently isn't working. I've almost never seen him try to hurt another kid, but when I have seen him get physical, I do use the Janet Lansbury approach, telling him I won't let him do that, modeling an apology, removing him gently from the situation. Should this just be continued until he's old enough for real discipline?
Maybe you need to give the school permission to remove him from the situation? Schools are hesitant to give time-outs, but it looks like talking to him is not working. I think if he is hurting other children he needs to take a break from other children for a few minutes.
At home, if he even remembers what happened, talk about better ways to resolve conflicts - teach him certain phrases if he is verbal enough. "You are too close to me," "please stop doing that" "I was playing with that toy" etc.