What about telling her it will be less special with the person she eventually chooses to marry if she has sex now?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s really important to stress to young people that having consented to sexual activity in the past does not make you obligated to engage in ongoing sexual activity. Just because you were okay with it last week doesn’t mean you have to be okay with it this week or next month. It’s okay - and normal - to draw boundaries with a sexual partner. You may be cool with one sex act, but not another. You don’t owe anybody anything. Also, if you aren’t mature enough or don’t feel confident enough with your partner to discuss sexual issues (including how you would each want to handle an unplanned pregnancy), you shouldn’t be having sex.

Gosh it's been a VERY long time since you were young, right? Thinking of sexual activities in terms of obligations and things one person does to another. Move over grandma.

NP Not sure what you are trying to say or why you were triggered by the PP's post

Anonymous wrote:I think if the kid is not yet sexually active it's easier to deter bit once they have been sexually active biology takes over. Once the gates open all you can do i s encourage safety. If the gates are snot yet open then more information, showing more of the consequences etc can have an impact.

What do you mean by showing the consequences?

I think if the kid is not yet sexually active it's easier to deter bit once they have been sexually active biology takes over. Once the gates open all you can do i s encourage safety. If the gates are snot yet open then more information, showing more of the consequences etc can have an impact.

Anonymous wrote:My Mom showed me a live birth of a friend of hers while I was being pressured to contemplate sex. I almost fainted. It scared me very badly and I did not have sex until 20.

Sounds like it was trauma inducing.

My Mom showed me a live birth of a friend of hers while I was being pressured to contemplate sex. I almost fainted. It scared me very badly and I did not have sex until 20.

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s really important to stress to young people that having consented to sexual activity in the past does not make you obligated to engage in ongoing sexual activity. Just because you were okay with it last week doesn’t mean you have to be okay with it this week or next month. It’s okay - and normal - to draw boundaries with a sexual partner. You may be cool with one sex act, but not another. You don’t owe anybody anything. Also, if you aren’t mature enough or don’t feel confident enough with your partner to discuss sexual issues (including how you would each want to handle an unplanned pregnancy), you shouldn’t be having sex.

Gosh it's been a VERY long time since you were young, right? Thinking of sexual activities in terms of obligations and things one person does to another. Move over grandma.

Anonymous wrote:Any way to have them help with an infant? Listening to a certain amount of crying, changing a poopy diaper, having to try to dance a crying baby to sleep? They can hear about it but it's different to actually do it and realize this would be your life 24/7. Don't get me wrong, babies are JOY but not to a 14 year old.

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np most likely the 14 year old parent wouldn't force a kid to give birth! I would be worried about abuse with this 14 year old. I don't know what you can do if it isn't your kid. Do the parents know?

Teen boys are notoriously bad about keeping their condom in their wallet; obviously it can easily damage the condom and lead to it breaking during sex.

Worse, boys can somethings “forget” - or claim they forgot to bring the condom, then pressure girls into having unprotected sex.

You might at least consider buying them yourself and putting your daughter in charge of them. It’s really for her own protection.

Anonymous wrote:I'm a former high school teacher/counselor. Aside from the kids who found it unpleasant the first time, I was never able to convince them to pause until they were older. The best I could do was make sure they had as much information as possible about protection, consent, and the emotional ties that come with it.

Really - just education and support is about all you can do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s really important to stress to young people that having consented to sexual activity in the past does not make you obligated to engage in ongoing sexual activity. Just because you were okay with it last week doesn’t mean you have to be okay with it this week or next month. It’s okay - and normal - to draw boundaries with a sexual partner. You may be cool with one sex act, but not another. You don’t owe anybody anything. Also, if you aren’t mature enough or don’t feel confident enough with your partner to discuss sexual issues (including how you would each want to handle an unplanned pregnancy), you shouldn’t be having sex.

This is excellent advice. Just because you have done it once does not obligate you further. With that partner or the next.

True. In the 80s teachers used to say, "you can't go back to holding hands" as a deterrent and that was the absolute wrong message.

I talk with my 14 year old DD about this subject rather often. She is not active but has friends who are sexually active. Plus many girls their age are putting nudes on private social media at the behest of their boyfriends. I constantly tell her never to send nudes through any medium as revenge porn is a popular tactic employed by boys/ men who are angry about feeling rejected, and has caused great harm to many young women.

Regarding sexual activity at this age, I caution her that she is way too young to handle the complex emotions that come with sexual intimacy. Also that research has shown that starting sexual intercourse early places women at far greater risk of being lured into abusive relationships and/or sex trafficking and prostitution.

I also encourage her not to be in a rush to reach adulthood. Some teen hormones may fuel some intense passions but it is good to keep attraction in check and to channel that sexual energy into creative, athletic or academic interests because she is just way too young to handle the complexity of sexual intimacy.

We talk about the need for building trust and love in a relationship before becoming sexually intimate and that for now relationships should fun and light. Also that women and girls need to have their own careers and higher education.

We also discuss that sexual assaults against young women are tragically extremely common and that she needs to protect to herself by taking self defense classes and reporting any inappropriate conduct by adults/ older teens.

Not sure she goes along with all of it, but I try to communicate what I wish I had known at that age

I'm a former high school teacher/counselor. Aside from the kids who found it unpleasant the first time, I was never able to convince them to pause until they were older. The best I could do was make sure they had as much information as possible about protection, consent, and the emotional ties that come with it.

Anonymous wrote:Any way to have them help with an infant? Listening to a certain amount of crying, changing a poopy diaper, having to try to dance a crying baby to sleep? They can hear about it but it's different to actually do it and realize this would be your life 24/7. Don't get me wrong, babies are JOY but not to a 14 year old.

I don’t think this would have deterred me as a teen. It would only help to reinforce the need to use birth control.

OP here, thanks to all for advice/opinions/suggestions, much appreciated.

BF is 15 and yes kid is female.