No. As long as you don’t say “Johnny was great today. I wish he was my son,” you are good. Don’t sweat it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Just stop critiquing your kids play and stop thinking you are "right".

He asked what I thought. I don't offer any views if not asked, and he's smart enough to be aware that he can have a different legitimate opinion.

You are the adult act like one.

Say, I'm not sure, then ask open ended questions.

Why at the end of the 1st you sent it long, when you could have possessed?
When you took it to the goal should you have taken 1 less touch?
What happened with the corner kick?

You are a jack ass. The PP is an adult that cares for her DC. No one knows and understands more about kids than than their parents. Also, the PP played soccer in college so she understands a lot more about soccer than a typical mother/parent. My U14 DD immediately seeks out my good & bad criticism, what she did great and where she can improve right after the game. I usually give out my highlights of her game but then provide more in-depth feedback a few hours later. I also explain to her what her coach wants her to do. We do this for her schooling (homework and tests) as well.

Anonymous wrote:

Just stop critiquing your kids play and stop thinking you are "right".

He asked what I thought. I don't offer any views if not asked, and he's smart enough to be aware that he can have a different legitimate opinion.

You are the adult act like one.

Say, I'm not sure, then ask open ended questions.

Why at the end of the 1st you sent it long, when you could have possessed?
When you took it to the goal should you have taken 1 less touch?
What happened with the corner kick?

Just stop critiquing your kids play and stop thinking you are "right".

He asked what I thought. I don't offer any views if not asked, and he's smart enough to be aware that he can have a different legitimate opinion.

Never tell them they were great if the weren't. If you praise them when they were bad. That doesn't help them get better at all. Im not advocating ripping them a new A-hole. If your in a competitive environment ie travel sports you need to be honest with them. Not only are you competing for your team to win . You are also competing within the team for minutes. Thats how you build success at all levels.

I don't care if you played D3 soccer you don't actually know what you are talking about. You are not stating fact, you are expressing your emotional opinion.

We don't even talk about the game for 30 minutes after the game ended. We never critique his play.

He will tell us about good plays and bad plays.

I may ask "why did you do this" and he will explain, because his coaches are different, he may do different things for different coaches. He has even pointed out to me when announcers are wrong when they say X should have done Y, they don't know, they don't know the formation or how/who provides backup.

Just stop critiquing your kids play and stop thinking you are "right".

In an ideal situation there should be both positive and negative feedback coming from the coach. The parent would take the role of support - emphasize the positive, encourage and help talk through how to address the negative. The parent bringing up negative points on their own will often not go well - can be seen as a betrayal, plus they will often dismiss the parent as not knowing what they are talking about.

If you are in a situation that you can’t rely on the coach to provide feedback, try to wait 24-48 hours before giving negative feedback to see if it is something that really needs to be brought up and try to sandwich it between some positives.

What did your son think? Did you ask him? Personally, I would have asked him how he thought he did. My opinion really doesn't matter because if he thought he played terrible me saying 'great job' would feel hollow.

just curious are you the mom or dad?

I'm the mom. I played soccer in college, but at a small D3. My son knew he was a little off. It was no big deal, I just thought I would answer honestly that he didn't seem his usual self, since he asked. His passes were not as crisp as usual, and his energy was a bit low. It was one game, no huge deal.

Anonymous wrote:DS asked me how he played yesterday, and I responded, "you weren't bad, but you weren't your usual self either. Probably because you had trouble sleeping last night." DH is now claiming that I gave a mean answer to DS, and am not being encouraging. DS is 13 years old, and I feel like I gave a what I perceived as an accurate answer to a question that DS asked. I would never have said anything either way unless DS asked. Do people see anything wrong with my answer?

What did your son think? Did you ask him? Personally, I would have asked him how he thought he did. My opinion really doesn't matter because if he thought he played terrible me saying 'great job' would feel hollow.

just curious are you the mom or dad?

At U13 and above, tell them the truth. Just don’t use harsh words or get mad/yell at them. Tell them what they did great and where they need to improve. If their feeling get hurt, ask them if they rather you lied to them. Most if not all of them would want you to tell them the truth.

If you continue to shelter them and only tell them great things, you’re creating “flakey” kids.

Every kid is different some can take the truth and seek it out. They are smart enough and want a truthful answer in order to get an assessment of how the did. There are also kids who need to hear from there parents that played well no matter if they did or didn't. There is also another group who feed off of haters and thrive when they are told they didn't well. they are usually the most competitive and hardest workers. You have to find out what works and to what degree for each individual kid.

I tell them the good points and then offer one thing to work on. If it's a physical issue, such as low-energy, we collaborate on a solution: going to sleep earlier, eating better the night before, etc. After doing this for years we've built good habits.

I would offer this as counsel: before every game or practice, we set a goal of ONE thing that we want to emphasize during that particular session. Checking shoulder, first touch into motion, finding space, etc. This pattern has helped a lot over the years.

Anonymous wrote:However if you’ve never played competitively and aren’t a student and fan of the game you should likely steer clear of the nuanced feedback and instead focus on effort comments.

I'm well aware my DS knows a lot more about the game than I do. I tend to phrase my feedback as questions and sometimes: "here's how it appeared to me", but I always let him decide what's useful and what's not.

I think the “parents should always nod and say positive things” and the “you’re not the coach” statements are somewhat bogus and most likely put out there to bolster the importance of coaches.

Yes, it is just a game. So why not talk about getting better at playing the game from various aspects? Good life lessons in there.

As one of the PPs said as long as it is balanced, constructive and done in a non-emotional manner, it can be useful. However if you’ve never played competitively and aren’t a student and fan of the game you should likely steer clear of the nuanced feedback and instead focus on effort comments.

I believe I tend to give the emotional truth without being more objective until later.

The reality is they never play as good or as bad as we tend to believe immediately following the game. Parents should probably adopt the 24 hour rule after games that coaches want before parents talk to them. Very hard to do after a bad game or a good game.

So while I prefer honesty with the kids that honesty starts with what we saw and believe ourselves. It is hard to be objective as a parent, especially on the car ride home. It would probably be good for all involved to actually cool off before discussing actual performance.